Workplace team dynamics - need help

[daisyd]

I could use some help with figuring out some workplace team dynamics. I've been feeling confused and taken advantage of in some situations. I'm not even sure if my feelings are valid. I wondered if there was a book that could maybe help me clarify my thinking and get better at preventing these situations.

Some specific issues in different teams:

1)My co-lead opened some questions about shaping our project out to our team without checking with me first. If it were me, I would get her opinion and then ask the group.

2) I co-supervise another project for a trainee. At a meeting for something else, I offhandedly asked my trainee for a status update. She hesitantly told me that my co-lead and she had discussed presenting a part of this project at a conference. I was unaware of this. After the fact, she quickly asked "are you okay with this? did you want to be a part of this?". She then said it was my co-lead's idea and she complained about my co-lead asking her to take on more than her fair share. I've heard stories about the co-lead being difficult. My immediate response was to be supportive.

Now I realize that I would expect my co-lead and trainee to keep me in the loop independently. If they'd asked me ahead of time, I would have given them my blessing and asked to be acknowledged as a co-lead in the project. This is the second time something like this is happening with this project between my co-lead and trainee. The first time, I called it out with my trainee and addressed it. I was willing to give them the benefit of doubt then. I feel upset, blindsided and edged out. This project ends in September and the non-confrontational part of me just wants to leave it be. Part of me feels that I should communicate clear expectations to both. WWYD?

[twowhat?]

I think you can be firm/clear and polite and collaborative all at once. "I heard from our team about the great ideas you had for our project - let's discuss! Since we are co-leads, please loop me in as a first step for anything pertaining to this project moving forward. I'm excited to work together on this!"

Do it IN AN EMAIL, and document it (save it, print it, whatever) in case you run into bigger problems down the road. Make it a point to credit your co-lead for ideas that she came up with in your emails or communications to the larger team (eg, "Co-lead brought up a great idea about potentially presenting a part of this project at a future conference...", and just be collaborative. Hopefully it will smooth out, but if not, you have nothing to lose by being firm but polite throughout your communications both to her and to the larger team.

[daisyd]

I think you can be firm/clear and polite and collaborative all at once. "I heard from our team about the great ideas you had for our project - let's discuss! Since we are co-leads, please loop me in as a first step for anything pertaining to this project moving forward. I'm excited to work together on this!"

Do it IN AN EMAIL, and document it (save it, print it, whatever) in case you run into bigger problems down the road. Make it a point to credit your co-lead for ideas that she came up with in your emails or communications to the larger team (eg, "Co-lead brought up a great idea about potentially presenting a part of this project at a future conference...", and just be collaborative. Hopefully it will smooth out, but if not, you have nothing to lose by being firm but polite throughout your communications both to her and to the larger team.

Thanks, this is very helpful!

[hillview]

I agree with twowhat. great actionable advice

[daisyd]

I agree with twowhat. great actionable advice

Thanks for weighing in!

[daisyd]

Quick update: After that curbside conversation with my trainee, I got an invite to join the project-based conference presentation from the trainee. She said that the co-lead had meant to reach out to me all along but had got sidetracked by vacation plans.I'm taking that with a pinch of salt. I'd been waiting to calm down, gather my thoughts and then send an email to the both of them about clear and timely communication.

Thanks again for helping me think through this twowhat and hillview. I learnt something with this experience.