mom in-between care needs advice

[hillview]

My mom lives independently, still drives BUT is majorly declining. She has been tested and dx of "mild cognative decline" 2 months ago. Since then she can no longer manage her own meds (but could 2 months ago), has been driving on a flat tire (10 PSI) and is generally more confused. BUT still has friends over for dinner. So she is a tweener at this point. I soon see her not driving any more (today she drives 2 miles max to a store etc). She lives quite close to us so I am able (in addition to like the million other things I am doing) set up her meds (but even now she skipped a full morning and a full night of meds in the last 2 weeks) and check in on her etc.

Any advice for what is to come. Any advice for say if we are going on vacation for a week (we moved across the country 3 years ago with her so we are not near long term friends -- my sibling lives a 9 hr drive from us) what to do.

Also please send wine.

[DualvansMommy]

See if your mom has a long term care policy that will kick in coverage of daily carer to set up meds, go over her routine, etc.

I’m in same situation currently with my mum but from 3,000 miles in another country so I’m using different resources .


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[marinkitty]

Look into a pill machine if her cognitive decline isn't severe. My mom has been using one by Hero Company (looks sort of like a coffee maker, holds up to 10 meds, you can monitor it remotely by app and it's very user friendly for elderly patients with dementia). It was a life saver for us when she began to be unable to manage her own meds.

She also has in home care that comes in and helps her clean, cook, do laundry etc. and it's not super expensive ($30 an hour in a mid-cost state). Hers isn't covered by insurance but your situation may be different, but it's been within her means and well worth it to keep her independent in her home. They drive her car and take her on errands, to appointments etc. and it gives her the autonomy she desires while keeping her safe. She hasn't been able to drive for a couple of years now and that was a crushing blow to her but this made all the difference. It also made a huge difference to me in terms of managing her care from a 3-hour driving distance. I had been running up and back there all the time and now I can go once a month or for key appointments and just stay in touch by phone otherwise. Game changer.

[mom2binsd]

Start looking for an Assisted Living facility now and start touring with her.

. Agree with the pill machine that can be monitored, hiring someone to come in and check if you can't, set up a time every day to call her, if she doesn't answer call back in thirty min, then no response, call neighbor or go check on her. Set up life 360 on her phone, you can set up camera on her front door, kitchen, living room to monitor (tell her you are doing this for her safety). Life alert (many options, some even detect a fall so no need to press a button). Driving will likely become a bone of contention.



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[hillview]

See if your mom has a long term care policy that will kick in coverage of daily carer to set up meds, go over her routine, etc.

I’m in same situation currently with my mum but from 3,000 miles in another country so I’m using different resources .


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Mom has only social security and so is largely dependent on me and my sibling -- so far away for you must be hard (and being close is also a challenge )!

[mom2binsd]

Very very few people have much if any Long term care coverage to enter a facilty. Connect with local agencies, around here it's through the country to see if she qualifies for some home health aids/or what the cost to her would be.

Many will enter a facility on private pay, and then, when they have spent all of their money, apply for Medicaid, around here the ALF and LTC (so Assisted Living and Nursing Homes) take private obviously/insurance if they have it and Medicaid. IF you start off on Private pay and then switch to Medicaid, in our building there is not difference, same rooms, same services etc, just a billing difference. Not everyplace will be like that. Also, the Memory Care places here do not take Medicaid, again it will depend on your area.

I will say, my dad lives in Canada, he lives in a very nice Assisted Living, he has a studio apt, all meals, meds, laundry, cleaning, for 4200 Canadian a month. The more fancy places are closer to 5-6K but those prices are not what I see around the US. Most ALF places here in a LCOL area are between 7-10K a month. Longterm care is almost 10K a month.

[ChicagoNDMom]

Please, please, please talk very soon with your Mom about giving up driving. It sounds like her cognition has taken a notable decline in a short period of time. I am close to a situation where the family was aware of parental cognitive decline but allowed the parent to keep driving. It led to a tragic crash. Please make this your highest priority.

[NCGrandma]

Please, please, please talk very soon with your Mom about giving up driving. It sounds like her cognition has taken a notable decline in a short period of time. I am close to a situation where the family was aware of parental cognitive decline but allowed the parent to keep driving. It led to a tragic crash. Please make this your highest priority.

Also, find out what if any the guidelines are for physicians in your area about situations in which a physician becomes aware that a patient has significant cognitive impairment but continues to drive. It’s been quite a while since I heard a presentation about this and I can’t remember the details, but I think there may be some situations where a physician may be expected/obligated to report someone to the DMV.

But as always, better if this can be handled by family members and friends rather than bringing in "the authorities."


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[pinay]

You can actually have the DMV revoke her license- I had to do this with my dad when he got sick and was able to keep it anonymous so he didn't get angry with me.

Are you hoping to keep her at her current home, or do you think she will need to move into some type of assisted living facility? My mom is in a senior housing community that is set up for independent living, but she has a housekeeper, all meals are provided, there are activities and transportation to appointments within a certain mile radius. Lately she has been upset with the cost because there was a change in ownership, but it brings such peace of mind to me to know that she is getting her needs met and that she is safe.

Can you start interviewing caregivers for her so that she can have some immediate support as you work out a long term plan? It sounds like she is still somewhat independent so you have a little time to figure out what your next steps are, but it will be a huge relief if you are able to put some supports into place. So sorry that you're having to go through this, it's so hard seeing a parent decline and having to take on more and more responsibility for their care.

[jgenie]

Please, please, please talk very soon with your Mom about giving up driving. It sounds like her cognition has taken a notable decline in a short period of time. I am close to a situation where the family was aware of parental cognitive decline but allowed the parent to keep driving. It led to a tragic crash. Please make this your highest priority.

I agree with this. I have a family member who has dementia. They were driving well past the time they should have been. No one wanted to be the one to pull the keys so they all stuck their head in the sand. I had to be the bad guy and step in to put a stop to it. They were getting lost on the way home from the supermarket. We were very lucky nothing tragic happened. My family member was angry and kept saying I had stolen their car even though it was parked in their parking lot.


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