Family and the holidays. Add your b*tch

[SnuggleBuggles]

My in laws are great. I got super lucky. But, my BIL? While a lovely human in many ways is so, so lazy! He never lifts a finger to help cook, clean, set up or clean up. Dh’s parents host a lot (aka things are at their house) and dh and I do the bulk of the work now that they are getting older. There is no reason for a grown man not to get up and help too. End complaint. Feel free and add yours!


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[mom2binsd]

I just hosted my xh, his parents and brother, it was fine. Both kids were here and we didn't have hockey so I offered to host. Mil gave me money for all the food and they brought appetizers and soda. I did all the food, kids helped a bit, xh didn't annoy me too much and it means a lot to the kids. I have no family here. My in laws are very sweet and have been so good to the kids and I over the years and come with me to many of the kids out it town events as they don't drive out of town. Mil was hovering a lot while I was cooking and I nearly dumped hot food on her, but it was a good afternoon. Xh had the nerve to ask for a take away plate, of course in front of his mom, but we have so much food. I did make her take stuff home too, she loved the sweet potato casserole I made and the stuffing.

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[jgenie]

DH spent three days cooking for today. He spent yesterday washing china and crystal for the table. We have a visiting guest who has been on their phone the entire visit. They have been giving us the play by play of another family’s celebration. They had their phone at the table during the meal and were texting in their lap. Yes, we all could see they were texting. As soon as we finished eating said guest immediately gets on the phone. Took that as my cue to start clean up….ugghhh!

[candaceb]

My MIL's birthday was on Thanksgiving.
She was hosting Thanksgiving at her house for my SIL's in-laws and we weren't invited, because the 3 of us plus my mom and her boyfriend were too many to add to their party (would have been 14 total, so not an unthinkable number). After she sent the message saying we weren't invited to Thanksgiving, she sent a "PS" that said "if it ends up just being the 3 of you, let me know". I was completely offended by that and had to delete the message without responding because I had nothing good to say. My mother has included my mother-in-law and made room at her table more times than I can count, but wasn't welcome for Thanksgiving.
She said that she was going to forget it was her birthday on Thanksgiving, and we would celebrate her birthday on Sunday, so we didn't need to be with them on Thanksgiving.
Today my husband called his sister to firm up plans for Sunday, and volunteered that I would bake a cake (something I like to do and would be happy to do). She said "we have a cake from last night that just has some pieces cut out of it, so we can use that". So basically, they did celebrate the birthday, and we get to eat 4 day old cake. I understand if my sister-in-law's in-laws showed up with a cake (which is what probably happened), they served it, but in my world you take that cake and send it home with them and pretend it didn't happen since you've told the uninvited family members you're not celebrating your birthday that day so they don't need to come.
I have a thing about taking group photos with the cake for everyone's birthday and putting them on the family calendar.
I think it's going to be hilarious to have my mother-in-law in front of her half eaten stale cake starting at us for the month of november next year.
that's all.
I need to let it go.

[pinay]

I host most of the family events at my house- we have the kids and are more or less the half way point between my two brothers. But I've grown tired of extending invitations that are hardly ever reciprocated (can't even remember the last time we were invited to my older brother's house), and our invitations are typically declined anyway because both brothers are often hosting their wives' families. Of course, my mom thinks I should continue inviting them even though it's all just bs because they don't show up, and somehow I come out as the bad guy in all of this. We've decided to bail for Christmas and leave everyone to their own devices!

[DualvansMommy]

I far prefer Friendsgiving over family thanksgiving for various reasons. My MIL is very sweet lady who’s always been so nice to me will turn 95 in 6 weeks, so it was nice to see her at the extended family watching all the grown kids with their kids (her grandkids and niece/nephews) that’s the only good thing I always get out every year. My FIL, on the other hand is just ugh. So the least time I spend the better, and it’s usually not an issue cuz every Turkey day always see from 15-30 guests each year.

I like to do community events like volunteering at the dog shelter I go every month in mornings and work in soup kitchen for noon meal. Thanksgiving holiday always has been a “problematic” holiday for me to celebrate, and prefer to focus on connections. It’s also my last holiday as a legally married person and will have the kids for this particular holiday on odd years so I’m looking forward to creating different new traditions with my kids.


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[belovedgandp]

Thanksgiving was its typically low key self, but my brother is already making Christmas a ride this year. My one brother lives about 12 hours away. I live in same city we grew up in and where our parents live. 13 months ago he and his family say they are coming to our town for Christmas. All is good. They will stay with parents sounds good. Then brother and SIL tag on wanting to do a joint family trip the week between Christmas and New Years. This would not be my first choice and the activity/location SIL wanted was guaranteed expensive, but they reached out and I will suck it up.

Note, I am a planner. Sent SIL some notes when start looking for places in February. We exchange a few notes. I send both of them details of what I tentatively book in March. And again in June. Then ask hey, what's the word I will owe real money and lose the ability to change reservation soon in August. Crickets from both of them all three times. Finally corner brother in September, who evidently was not sold on idea, so I said, fine, I'm pulling the plug now when I will be out no money. Our family has committed to other trips and expensive things and we're fine with dropping this trip. No harm, no foul, my family is good with staying at home this week.

TODAY, brother wants to know where the plans stand. Evidently, while he was not sold on what SIL suggested, I was supposed to be reading their minds and planning something the last 2 1/2 months?

I'm currently ignoring his text and griping here instead.

[klwa]

My dad & brothers all live within 5 miles of each other. Both brothers are divorces, so there's added difficulties making sure the whole family is able to pick a day that works for our family Christmas. Add in one niece who's an adult now with a job. So, I asked them to just pick a date that works for them & their kids. Get to Thanksgiving & ask if they've discussed it. Nope. "Kris, just pick a date!" Well, what days are your exes having the kids? And what's Niece's work schedule? When are the college kids even home? "Oh. Yeah, there's no good date." Yes there is. Just work together & pick a date. And we'll drive the 2+ hours to get to you because no one even considers the fact that I'm driving and you two aren't and can do things whenever the hell works. (Note that the one who told me "there's no good date" is the one who's kids have announced that they will not live with their mom and didn't even know where she was on Thanksgiving because they hadn't talked to her in a couple of weeks.)

[wendibird22]

We pretty much host every year. DH does the cooking and doesn't mind. My parents are separated (have been for decades) so neither will host and even if my mom would, she can't because she's a hoarder and can't have people at her house. ILs live in a retirement community condo so don't have the space to host. Plus MIL has her own mental health issues and is never consistently well enough to make a commitment to hosting. My DB lives 2hrs away and is basically estranged from my mom, so while he'd love nothing more than to host my family and my dad, he knows he can't do that and not invite our mom without putting me and dad in a bad position. So DB gets to have his Thanksgiving with just his wife and 2 DDs and enjoy life. SIL and BIL don't have kids but BIL's bro has 4 small kids so they traveled out of town to visit them.

So, this year was just going to be ILs and my parents and my kids were anticipating it being miserable because what teenagers want to be stuck talking to grandparents all day and have no cousins or anyone "fun" to hang out with. Well then DD1 came down with a cold or flu the week before and was still coughing a bit leading up to Thanksgiving but felt completely fine. Given MILs issues, DH feels compelled to give them a heads up that DD1 isn't 100% well. That causes MIL to decide she isn't coming. FIL won't leave her alone. So, Thanksgiving ended up being just my parents because neither of them care that DD1 was getting over a cold/flu. After dinner DH ran "to go" containers with dinner over to his folks (they live 15mins away). DH could only spend about 45mins with them because MIL had the heat cranked up to 80 in their condo and DH was stripping off layers lol.

Every year DH and I talk about going to WDW for Thanksgiving...like for 24 or 48 hrs...using our DVC points. We totally should have done it this year.

[Kestrel]

Oh goodness, where to start?
My older sister moved into a 55+ community this last spring, and wanted to host thanksgiving ; in part to show off their new place. {This is a whole different bitch post, but briefly - all my sister's daughters (5 of them) have gotten mad at their mom, moved out, got pregnant with a flaky relationship, had a baby and moved back in with my sister. She finally got them all out of the house at one time, sold the house, and moved into a place that doesn't allow children. Now, the latest girl and baby is crashed with my mother, who can't afford them. All the daughters are in various screwy housing situations. Big mess.}
Anyway,Thanksgiving. I text my sister on the family thread on Sunday that I'm going to the store on Monday, does she need anything? No, She replies she doesn't need anything. Got home from store monday, unpacking... here comes text from sister did you get XYZ... No, I didn't. No, I'm not going back. (We're 50 minutes from a major grocery store.) She grumpily said she'll go. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I get messages all day long about what else she needs... while I work 12 hours on Wednesday I find out I "need" to bring : another table, eight more chairs, cranberry sauce because everywhere is sold out, more olives, pickles and veggies because she didn't get all the RSVPs in until the evening before and the numbers have grown. And oh, can I bring a bigger ham than I agreed to, because numbers are up? And... wait, I don't have enough silverware for all these people, can you bring yours? (I have a kit of silverware for holiday hosting.) And wine glasses? oh, and a gravy boat? Sure, sis. So glad I'm not hosting this year.
And then, we get there and they're living in a trailer park for 55+. It's nice, kept up and clean, but reach-out-and-touch-your-neighbor close. and NO parking. Guest parking in literally half a mile from the house. We have to come unload, drive over to parking, and hike back. I end up driving my elderly parents' car to parking so my 75 & 78 year old parents don't have to hike in the snow. What a mess.

Honestly, she pulled off the rest of the food pretty well, but packing all of those people - 30 adults, my teen, and 8 kids under 6 - into that tiny house was a disaster. I've never had to line up for the bathroom in a private home!

Oh- and I'm a professional baker and sometimes line cook. She asked someone else to do dessert, even though I've done it for decades. They brought store-bought pie from safeway.

Can't wait until Christmas.