Video Games...What is your philosophy/practice with them at home?

[bisous]

My kids LOVE them. To the point of not really loving anything else nearly so much. I have never been a gamer and neither has DH. Both DH and I have a lot of probably hypocritical disdain for them. I say this because although he doesn't like video games, he loves movies! And I don't like either of those but can spend way too much time on instagram!

But I also dislike a lot of the things I see with regards to HOW MUCH my kids like video games. DD(10) is barred from playing them and doesn't seem to care too much. DS1(20) is an adult and I feel like should be allowed to regulate himself. His problem isn't so much video games as obsessive youtube watching, maybe a topic for another post!

Maybe this is more about my middle two kids. DS3(12) recently regained the ability to play. On days that he plays for a long period of time (because I've gone back and forth on school vacations about having one big day to play versus a little bit every day) and it DEFINITELY negatively affects his behavior. He completely melts down.

DS2(16) has no negative behavior issues from games but is unquestionably the most obsessed of them all. He is a good kid but I can't get him to be really interested in ANYTHING else. I recently convinced him to join the robotics league at school. His best friends are on the team, he's GOOD at robotics and honestly doesn't it seem somewhat video game adjacent? But I learned from his friend that although he stays after school with the team, he does not contribute to their progress and spends all his time either playing video games (on days that he brings his Switch to school for the eSports club that he started) or watching youtube videos ABOUT video games. Ugh. Also, his grades slipped this year. Not due to excessive video game playing but what was concerning about that is that he didn't CARE about his grades until I mentioned he might have to stop playing them unless his grades came up. THEN he cared. I can't tell you how much I hate that I'm using video games as leverage. I wanted to be "better" than that kind of parent!

I feel like I need to come to grips with games. And I need to hear other opinions.

I want to understand/work through my own issues with games AND work with DH to come together and then put together a policy that works for my family and helps each of my kids thrive figuring out the kind of life that they love.

Would love your thoughts!

[AnnieW625]

I like them but am not a huge gamer, neither is DH, but we grew up with video games and like them. We had an XBox for years that once DD1 was born was used more as a dvd player than we did for games. We have a Nintendo Switch, a Wii U (which doesn’t get much love these days), a mini Nintendo, and a mini Super NES. I almost bought DH the mini Atari system they had at Costco recently but decided against it. I would rather have my kids battling it out on video game systems vs. watching YouTube all day or scrolling social media (DD1). They love to compare their Animal Crossing houses, play Mario Kart 8, and the Mario games (we just gave DD2 the Mario Wonder game). Dd1 has said she wants a Play Station system so she can play hockey, and Call of Duty on it but we haven’t hit the bullet and bought it yet; I think we might though but then she is going away to college so the game system will probably stay here.


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[gymnbomb]

I am not a video game person at all. DH is. The kids are not allowed to play them on school days. They get a couple of hours (usually either with each other or with DH) on weekend and holiday days if we aren’t busy with other plans. DH plays for a couple of hours with a friend who lives out of state a lot of evenings after I go to bed. So far this has worked fine for us, but we will see how it evolves as the kids get older. They are 6 and almost 10.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

Not my thing. Loved by everyone else in the family though. When they were little I could tell when they’d had enough and I’d set limits. Now? Nope. I let them figure out. Grades are fine, they have many activities… if this is what helps them enjoy their downtime, I’m not going to fuss at them.
Eta- I do love Wii and Switch games played together. Many happy family memories playing Wii Sports, Wii Resort, Just Dance, Mario Kart, various Mario Party games and more!

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[MSWR0319]

I played SNES when I was a kid. Loved Paper Boy and some of the Mario games. DH was not allowed video games but played them at his friends house. DS1 is 15. He plays in spurts. He's playing more right now that he's on break and needs time to decompress from thinking (he was super stressed out with exams) and hard swim practices that happen during break. DS2 is 11 and he loves games. He's the one with an addictive personality to them. He would play all day if you let him. There is a point where he gets emotional and cranky if he's played too much. I don't believe in cutting them fully off because I don't think it helps with learning regulation and when to quit. There are some positives that I've seen. DS2 has learned so much from Minecraft about coordinates and other math things. I was actually very impressed with things he's said when working on math homework that he already knew because of Minecraft. That kid can make so many things and is so creative. He's also learned things through Animal Crossing. So games aren't all bad. They also offer socialization if you have the ability to play online with friends. We have an Xbox and a Switch. We also like to play games like Mario Party as a family, which is good bonding time.

DS1 has no requirements and never did. He has shown to be very responsible and knows when to quit. I love hearing him laughing with his friends when he's playing basketball or something like that and they're having fun trash talking each other. They really are enjoying each other's company.

DS2 has rules. He just needs them. He was not allowed to play Xbox until recently. He gets 30 minutes of Xbox time (because he likes to play Fortnight and I am not a big fan of him playing that for long periods). He gets 1 hr of switch time during the week. On the weekends we increase that that to 1.5 hours of switch time. He is allowed to ask for more time, or ask for his time to be switched (i.e if he doesn't play one day, he can move his hour to the next day). He has learned how to budget time, and will only ask for more time occasionally. Sometimes we say yes, sometimes no. So no knows that he doesn't always get it but if he's not been to into it and things are going well he will get more. Right now he has a friend over (who is a HUGE gamer and plays all.the.time), so I'm anticipationing him asking for more time. I'm ok with that. They've been outside playing for awhile, so it's not like it's the only thing they do.

In your case, I would suggest maybe doing what we do. Use the parental control ap and set their times for each specific kid. It's very easy to use and you can easily add time, change the time for each day, etc. It shuts them off when they've used their time, and they getting a warning when they are getting close. I don't remember if you have any other systems, but Xbox also has a good ap for parental controls.

ETA: I was just thinking, you may only get the parental control ap if you have Switch online. If that's the case, I would highly recommend it. It's $35 a year for multiple accounts and you can get the ap with all of the controls (worth it just for that), but also many of the older games.

[bisous]

Thank you for those who chimed in! I think it was really helpful to hear about those of you who do have kids that seem to be negatively affected by video games and who need limiting. I also think it helped me realize that small amounts daily seem to be better cognitively and behaviorally for kids than a large session of lots of gaming and that helped me set up my daily plan for this school break!

I need to figure out how to work with DS2 and his sole obsession with gaming and I'm not sure how to do it. Will be pondering that!

[smilequeen]

My kids are very reasonable with them so we don’t really have rules. They will play more during breaks like this and that’s OK with me. DS1 has been offered our old Xbox to take to college and he’s not interested, but will play when home. I definitely think it’s one of those kid by kid things. DS2 often does have to be asked to put his phone in a different room so he can finish homework though

[carolinamama]

DH and I are not gamers. He completely dislikes them, I'm somewhat neutral. Video games can be played in so many different ways, some healthier than others IMO. For example, DS2(15) plays the most out of my kids but he's almost always actively playing with his friends. I much prefer this to mindless phone scrolling. It's socialization, team work and problem solving. That said, we disconnect the xbox, take phones and other electronics as needed. Some kids are definitely impacted more than others and DS2 must get his work done first before logging on since he can get sucked in. DS1 is 18 and going to school next year. He's earned the right to self-regulate. All 3 have time-consuming extracurriculars so that helps tremendously.

[gatorsmom]

I haven’t read the other replies but my methods are generally more strict/conservative that other posters. I have 3 kids who like video games. My oldest 2 enjoy playing them as a break from homework or with friends. But they have many other hobbies too and video games aren’t an obsession. With ds3, they are an obsession/addiction. There is nothing he would rather be doing than playing video games- alone or with friends it doesn’t matter. The only other thing he enjoys doing is putting together jigsaw puzzles or watching YouTube videos. We make him participate in club sports at school, he’s a Life Scout in the BSA scouts, he downhill skis and is a reader and alterserver at church. He has a part time job as a bagger at a grocery store too. He hates all those things even though he is good at them and frequently gets complements. He used to complain daily about all of those other things but I’ve started to repeatedly point out that if he wants a family with children (which he says he really does) then he has to get used to doing things in life he doesn’t love doing. And most of all, he’s got to figure out what he wants ti do for a job, day-in, day-out for years. He won’t figure that out by hiding in his video games.

He’s made big progress over the last year and a half. He still plays almost every day but he does this with friends after he finishes his homework and rewrites his notes from the day. His grades are A’s and B’s. He keeps his room cleaner than his siblings, he does his chores, and he’s been good about managing his medicine. As long as video games are played after every other expectation is met (and he agrees my expectations are not excessive),, I’m ok with them.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I haven’t read the other replies but my methods are generally more strict/conservative that other posters. I have 3 kids who like video games. My oldest 2 enjoy playing them as a break from homework or with friends. But they have many other hobbies too and video games aren’t an obsession. With ds3, they are an obsession/addiction. There is nothing he would rather be doing than playing video games- alone or with friends it doesn’t matter. The only other thing he enjoys doing is putting together jigsaw puzzles or watching YouTube videos. We make him participate in club sports at school, he’s a Life Scout in the BSA scouts, he downhill skis and is a reader and alterserver at church. He has a part time job as a bagger at a grocery store too. He hates all those things even though he is good at them and frequently gets complements. He used to complain daily about all of those other things but I’ve started to repeatedly point out that if he wants a family with children (which he says he really does) then he has to get used to doing things in life he doesn’t love doing. And most of all, he’s got to figure out what he wants ti do for a job, day-in, day-out for years. He won’t figure that out by hiding in his video games.

He’s made big progress over the last year and a half. He still plays almost every day but he does this with friends after he finishes his homework and rewrites his notes from the day. His grades are A’s and B’s. He keeps his room cleaner than his siblings, he does his chores, and he’s been good about managing his medicine. As long as video games are played after every other expectation is met (and he agrees my expectations are not excessive),, I’m ok with them.

What's wrong with just simple downtime/ relaxation? If he does all those activities, how much can he really be playing video games?
I know you and I very much differ on the whole knowing what you want to do career wise (or even major in school) with our kiddos that are the same age.
Sorry- I don't mean to derail this but it's what I try to tell myself when I feel like people are using screens too much. Everyone is allowed to turn off their brains, I think. Simply going to school and being a teenager is a lot!