How much did you do for your kids college applications?

[acmom]

I tell myself and DS1 that things will eventually work themselves out in the end. Kids who had parents do everything for them won't learn the executive functioning, time management, and study skills to do well in college. Same with the rampant cheating that goes on in DS1's high school. It makes him so angry because he refuses to stoop so low, but I tell him those kids are literally just cheating themselves and will likely not do well in college academically. I advise him to "keep his eyes on his own paper" and concentrate on being the best version of himself that he can be. Sometimes it's hard, I know, but what else can you do? Many times life is not fair.

This! They need to learn all of this for themselves, and doing it for a child will only delay them from learning it.

Yes, I totally agree! I am happy to proofread for my kids but doing all the "work", whatever that may entail is up to them! (I think of things like school work, job apps, club/internship/summer program apps or inquiries, college/scholarship apps and emailing adults like teacher, coach, boss, college admissions officer, etc. in this "work" category!)

[acmom]

To answer your question, I filled out most of the Common app boxes because they were just busy work. It’s just data entry.

There are pieces of the common app (in addition to the essays) that I would consider beyond "data entry" - namely the activities and additional info sections. I think the way those are filled out can be very beneficial or not beneficial to an applicant in terms of what they choose to include and how they present and write it. Those are section can help shape the picture of the applicant and what is important to them and their story. I think having an adult proofread is totally fine (and helpful!) but I feel those pieces should be in student's voice not parent's.

ETA: I also appreciate that every student is different and will need different levels of support with their applications - from help with proofreading to help with wording to help with staying on track. I don't think it is a one size fits all situation. However, I do feel like the end result is that the application should be in the student's voice and representative of them, their interests, abilities and values - not the parent's.

[gatorsmom]

There are pieces of the common app (in addition to the essays) that I would consider beyond "data entry" - namely the activities and additional info sections. I think the way those are filled out can be very beneficial or not beneficial to an applicant in terms of what they choose to include and how they present and write it. Those are section can help shape the picture of the applicant and what is important to them and their story. I think having an adult proofread is totally fine (and helpful!) but I feel those pieces should be in student's voice not parent's.

ETA: I also appreciate that every student is different and will need different levels of support with their applications - from help with proofreading to help with wording to help with staying on track. I don't think it is a one size fits all situation. However, I do feel like the end result is that the application should be in the student's voice and representative of them, their interests, abilities and values - not the parent's.

Well, I didn’t go into this level of detail in my answer above but in our case it really was data entry. My 2 boys had created and printed out separate documents with their activities listed on them in the order of importance to them. They had had teachers at school proofread them and give insights. They checked with the school office to make sure the school correctly had them listed as participating in those activities and in those years. They had been updating these documents for a couple of years. Then they printed them off and gave them to me. So I entered the data from the documents they gave me. I already stated that they completed their essays themselves and had them proofread by teachers. They wrote several drafts of their essays proofread.

There were plenty of other things that they were responsible for on their Common Apps. And as I said above, they were Eagle Scouts with boards of review the year before. Also, their school is brutally unmerciful about observing deadlines even for middle school. So what I did for ds1 and ds2 to help with the college applications didn’t harm them or deprive them from any experiences they had never experienced before.

[niccig]

I double checked the application as had a few friends with kids who goofed on a few questions in the data entry sections. We got DS help with the essay portions as knew us checking wouldn’t have worked out well.

He’s done everything else for college. The acceptance, housing application, registration, paying fees on time,and now managing all his classes and part-time work. He’s figuring out off-campus housing for next year on his own. All I do is transfer money from the 529. So giving them some help doesn’t mean they can’t manage college on their own.


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[gatorsmom]

I double checked the application as had a few friends with kids who goofed on a few questions in the data entry sections. We got DS help with the essay portions as knew us checking wouldn’t have worked out well.

He’s done everything else for college. The acceptance, housing application, registration, paying fees on time,and now managing all his classes and part-time work. He’s figuring out off-campus housing for next year on his own. All I do is transfer money from the 529. So giving them some help doesn’t mean they can’t manage college on their own.


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Thank you. They are all so different and need different amounts of guidance until they can take flight on their own.

[jgenie]

To answer your question, I filled out most of the Common app boxes because they were just busy work. It’s just data entry. But both ds1 and ds2 had to write and rewrite their essays, get them proofread by teachers at school, and enter those themselves. They asked their recommenders and followed up with them for their letters of recommendation. I reminded them of deadlines and other tasks. Once I introduced them to their ACT tutor, they were responsible for making zoom appointments to study and the extra homework the tutor assigned. Ds1 needed the handholding (but has become so much more confident and independent now in his second year of college), and ds2 just needed some initial help to get started. After we submitted the first 7 applications, he’s taken over the rest of the process completely. Both boys were responsible for everything else to do with college after the Common App was submitted.

My DS1 will likely complete everything on his own. My DS2 will likely need more help. Completely fine to meet each child where they are.

[erosenst]

If you would like the low bar - I literally didn't know DD applied to the school where she is happily attending. (I should have - it met all the criteria although at the time I didn't realize how strong it is for her program...) I still don't know what her essays were about. Totally agree that different kids need different support however.

Also agree that, frustrating as it is - it's impossible to figure out who gets acceptance and/or merit and who doesn't. A *lot* depends on specific majors, demographics within that major, etc. Sorry that it's so frustrating though.

[AnnieW625]

Thank you all for the responses.

I read and slightly edited one of DD1’s essays for some grammatical errors and that was all she would let me do. I got The College Essay Guy book from the library but she had no interest in it. I have to give her credit for that.

I did do the CSS without any input from DD1.

Yes I scheduled college tours for colleges I thought she might have liked and while some were duds she did like one she had no clue about prior to the visit. DD1 eventually made that list one she was happy with, and she visited every school she applied to at least once.

Nicci, and Gatorsmom you both made some very valid points as well. Some kids still need help with things and because this is such a big financial commitment parent involvement should still come into play.

Latia, yes I get that merit money can be for a student they want admitted. BFF is a first gen. American college student, single parent (although has a long term BF, and BFF sees her dad and there are no CS issues) her mom was a late teen mom (19) when she was born. I also think that is why the mom is soo focused on BFF not doing the same things that she did as a teen which is why BFF’s mom does a lot of things for BFF; even BFF’s mom boyfriend says that BFF needs to do stuff on her own. I guess if I was 37 and had an almost 18 year old I would be looking at the way BFF Mom does; but I didn’t have that same experience.

BFF and DD1’s school is small as well (graduation class is 103) so I think that is why this kind of stuff sticks out. Dd1 estimates that 40% of her class has a 4.00+, and DD1 with a 4.29 weighted gpa is ranked #23 in her class (BFF is somewhere around #5 or 6 because she took honors math, honors science, and honors Spanish tracks). All of the kids applying to these schools are way too similar in grades, and extra curricular activities. With the exception of freshman English, four years of theology, and a freshman year elective kids can literally take only honors and or AP classes hence why the grades are so high and there are so many 4.00+ students.

You guys are the best!


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[Green_Tea]

I didn’t fill out anything on the common app for any of my three kids, and have no idea what their logins or passwords are/were for the common app or their portals for the schools they applied to. I did proofread the apps before they submitted (at their request) and helped them figure out parts that they had questions about. I firmly believe that college applications are the responsibility of the student, not the parent, and they should be completely in their entirety by the student, not unlike papers they submit for classes. Even the basic demographic parts.

As your your daughter’s friend, Annie, there was either an institutional priority there or her transcript contains information you’re not privy to. A $22K discrepancy in merit aid is unlikely to be the result of a parent filling in the common app, even if they did the essays. That doesn’t make it less crappy, but I just don’t think it explains the differences in the aid packages.

[mommytoalyssa]

My daughter did everything on her own, but she only applied to one private college and it isn't difficult to get into. Her merit aid is completely based on her GPA--you can input your GPA and SAT scores (optional) on their website and you will see exactly the merit that you will receive. What she received was what was indicated on the school's website. She took care of next steps after she was admitted but she brought her laptop over to where I was working and asked me questions as she completed the process. I did ask around to friends I have with kids at the school to find out which was the "best" dorm options and let her know.

Once she was admitted, the school invited her to have "dinner on them" with a current student. She chose the student she wanted to meet with (based on their major) and drove to the school (about an hour away) to have dinner at the cafeteria with the student on a Friday evening. That was helpful because she could ask her questions and make her final choices based on what she learned from their conversation.

My son, however, was a completely different story. I'd say it was more of a group project when he applied. He is doing well living away at his university. I'm sure everyday he learns something new! During welcome weekend the administrators encouraged parents to let their kids figure things out on their own, knowing that there is a supportive group of teachers and administrators there who are experts in guiding their students in developing the skills they will need to be successful living on their own. And they expect that mistakes will happen along the way and those are learning experiences.