College acceptances...now what?

[Kindra178]

I thought I was doing so well at this college thing, but I gotta be honest, my plan to be the cool, supportive but detached mom is teetering a little.

All throughout this process, I've noticed DC focusing in on just one school at a time, to the exclusion of all others (even as they filled out apps to those schools). I've refrained from commenting, because I understand that was in part my kid's effort not to fall in love with any school before they were admitted. This past weekend, they were at an admitted students day for one (perfectly lovely, excellent) school when they received their admission to another school that I honestly think would be a perfect fit for them. But because of the way our schedule works this coming month, they won't get a chance to visit that school for at least another three weeks (and even then, not for an official admitted students day), and meanwhile, they've pretty much decided they want to go to the school they visited this past weekend.

If it were a matter of DC having evaluated both schools and deciding on one of them, I'd be fine. But I see DC zeroing in on the one school without taking the time to discover all of the amazing things at the other school, and it bothers me. There's so much there that's unique and special that I know they'd love, if only they took the time to look! I'm trying hard not to push too much, but it's difficult.

I can relate to this! My kid loved one and has pretty much refused to look at the highly ranked school.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

[WatchingThemGrow]

$40k over 4 years or $160K over 4 years ??


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

$160K over 4 years. It would be great to go to the 7,000 student school, but it just doesn't make sense. I don't even want to visit knowing there's so much of a cost difference.

[georgiegirl]

$160K over 4 years. It would be great to go to the 7,000 student school, but it just doesn't make sense. I don't even want to visit knowing there's so much of a cost difference.

That’s a lot of money unless you have an extra $160K just sitting around to spend.

I tried to message you the other day but your box is full


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[mom2binsd]

Ok, so we're down to 2 schools, and there's a $40K difference between them. She's not excited about the large (cheaper) school, so we'll check things out in person again after listening to the podcast with her.

The thing with larger schools, once you are there, and begin your major, join clubs, the size can not be an issue. DD goes to a school of 50k, we are from a small city of 140k but she's joined clubs, sports and has found her place. I'm always amazed when she calls me to talk while walking across campus how often she says, oh hi, to someone she's passing, or when we visit how often she runs into people. Her classes are more specific each year and lots of parents say the same thing. And the wide variety of clubs, organizations, etc is also am advantage.

Sent from my SM-G998U using Tapatalk

[elbenn]

The thing with larger schools, once you are there, and begin your major, join clubs, the size can not be an issue. DD goes to a school of 50k, we are from a small city of 140k but she's joined clubs, sports and has found her place. I'm always amazed when she calls me to talk while walking across campus how often she says, oh hi, to someone she's passing, or when we visit how often she runs into people. Her classes are more specific each year and lots of parents say the same thing. And the wide variety of clubs, organizations, etc is also am advantage.

Sent from my SM-G998U using Tapatalk

I just had dinner with two girls who go to one of the largest universities in the nation (well over 50k students) and I asked them about the size and they said the same thing you said--they joined clubs and met their friends and found their place. One of them said she had been very introverted and shy when she started as a freshman but has become very social and much more extroverted since she has started college. I thought that was interesting as I would think a shy, introverted student might be overwhelmed by a school that size. I am sure it varies person to person though.

[Liziz]

I thought I was doing so well at this college thing, but I gotta be honest, my plan to be the cool, supportive but detached mom is teetering a little.

All throughout this process, I've noticed DC focusing in on just one school at a time, to the exclusion of all others (even as they filled out apps to those schools). I've refrained from commenting, because I understand that was in part my kid's effort not to fall in love with any school before they were admitted. This past weekend, they were at an admitted students day for one (perfectly lovely, excellent) school when they received their admission to another school that I honestly think would be a perfect fit for them. But because of the way our schedule works this coming month, they won't get a chance to visit that school for at least another three weeks (and even then, not for an official admitted students day), and meanwhile, they've pretty much decided they want to go to the school they visited this past weekend.

If it were a matter of DC having evaluated both schools and deciding on one of them, I'd be fine. But I see DC zeroing in on the one school without taking the time to discover all of the amazing things at the other school, and it bothers me. There's so much there that's unique and special that I know they'd love, if only they took the time to look! I'm trying hard not to push too much, but it's difficult.

Just want to say that (far too many years ago, lol) my parents were in your exact situation with me. They DID push me to take the time to look at the other school I wasn't fixated on -- they did it in a "we support whatever choice you make, but we'd really like you to at least visit and know your options fully" sort of way. They helped make sure I did in fact see all the great things about the school I wasn't considering, while also buying me gear from the school I thought I loved and being clear they'd support whatever choice I made. They never said a single negative thing about my "favorite" school, they just helped me see positives at a different one. I'll be honest that I visited the school I wasn't considering mostly just to satisfy my parents and thank them for the efforts they'd put into helping me with the college search....but then I loved it there, and ultimately chose that school. It was the right choice for me and I've never had a single regret. We *still* talk about how grateful I am to them that they had the vision to see a bigger picture than I could at the time.

This all to say, our kids should definitely be making this decision themselves, but as a parent you also might be seeing things they aren't, and lovingly helping to guide them to consider all their options is very different from pushing your opinions on them.

[niccig]

$160K over 4 years. It would be great to go to the 7,000 student school, but it just doesn't make sense. I don't even want to visit knowing there's so much of a cost difference.

Yeah I’d agree. It’s too much off a financial difference to justify.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

[mom2binsd]

Yeah I’d agree. It’s too much off a financial difference to justify.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains

I think there is a definite place and time that a parent can still have the final say. I know plenty of families that have had to say, no, even though it's hard. Kids at 18 just can not fathom what long reaching implications of loans and spending over 100k (even if the family can spend that). When there is a great university that is 140k less, unless there is something so unique, or 140k is a drop in the bucket fine, but that is a huge difference.

Sent from my SM-G998U using Tapatalk

[chlobo]

Just want to say that (far too many years ago, lol) my parents were in your exact situation with me. They DID push me to take the time to look at the other school I wasn't fixated on -- they did it in a "we support whatever choice you make, but we'd really like you to at least visit and know your options fully" sort of way. They helped make sure I did in fact see all the great things about the school I wasn't considering, while also buying me gear from the school I thought I loved and being clear they'd support whatever choice I made. They never said a single negative thing about my "favorite" school, they just helped me see positives at a different one. I'll be honest that I visited the school I wasn't considering mostly just to satisfy my parents and thank them for the efforts they'd put into helping me with the college search....but then I loved it there, and ultimately chose that school. It was the right choice for me and I've never had a single regret. We *still* talk about how grateful I am to them that they had the vision to see a bigger picture than I could at the time.

This all to say, our kids should definitely be making this decision themselves, but as a parent you also might be seeing things they aren't, and lovingly helping to guide them to consider all their options is very different from pushing your opinions on them.

Sounds like you had remarkable parents.

[daisyd]

Sounds like you had remarkable parents.

I was thinking exactly this.