"Everyone can't wait to hold the BABY"---Uh, NOOOOO!

Hello Everyone,

I'm looking for a "how would you respond to this".

DH and I are invited to a cookout where his cousin and his wife are in from Atlanta. While visiting MIL this morning, she said, "everyone can't wait to see the baby and hold the baby". Ellen is only THREE WEEKS OLD. There will be no "holding the baby". I've talked to DH about it and he said that there would be absolutely no holding the baby, but what do we say to his family when they look at us and say "can we hold her?" This will even go for his parents.

I feel like I needed to add that the In-Laws are very welcome to hold Ellen when they are the only ones there...I just didn't want them to hold her and for others to come up to them and take Ellen. For some reason, people around here don't seem to get washing their hands before handling a baby. In addition, when I took Ellen to see MIL, she threw a red-faced fit when Mil was holding her, but calmed immediately when I took her. I just didn't want an episode of hold the baby, red faced fit, back to mom/dad, calm, pass the baby, red-faced fit, etc.

Thanks for all of your great suggestions! Unfortunately, skipping this event is not an option, but the carrier is! Yay! You guys are great!
Thanks!
-Shannon
Mom to Ellen
7/23/2003

Boy that is going to be though! I would probably skip the cookout to be perfectly honest. At least you have a good excuse like we did not get any sleep or the baby is not feeling well ;)

I don't want many people holding my baby either and if they do they need to wash their hands and well washed... may I add.

You can always just hold the baby in a carrier. This is a hard one for us as we were letting people hold the baby at 3 days old. Cocoa has always been passed around to admirers. We cannot imagine it any other way but you have to do what works for you.

[egoldber]

Honestly, I'm not sure there's a way to respond without it being awkward. If this is a family cook out, where family are expecting to hold the baby, and that makes you uncomfortable, then I would probably skip it. Would you be more comfortable insisting that folks wash their hands first?

Obviously this is only my opinion, and as the parents, you have the right to insist on what you like for your child. Also, I know that on the scale of germaphobia, I am on the REALLY low end, but I can't imagine not letting grandparents hold their grandchild, unless they were known carriers of some horribly infectious disease, YKWIM? I know that my own parents and my in-laws would have been devastated, and it would have created ill feelings for a long time.

My 2 cents,

[emilyf]

The carrier is a good idea, or you could just say something like "not right now, she's a little sleepy, hungry, fussy" whatever. I'm sure people won't insist. Btw, my parents had an engagement party for my sister when Charlie was 3 weeks old and we were ok with letting people hold him. I just kept a close eye and was ready to take him back if he seemed unhappy.
Emily
mom of Charlie born 11/02

[C99]

Well, you could say something to the effect that you don't want Ellen to get overstimulated or confused by so many people touching her (even though that doesn't happen w/ babies her age). Or that you don't want Ellen to get sick because she hasn't had her shots yet (even though breastfeeding should be a good buffer fot that).

But honestly? I wouldn't stress out over it and would just ask people to wash their hands and let non-smokers hold her. I may get slammed for this, but here it is anyway: IMO, babies that age are kind of boring. You hold the baby, coo at it her and then there's nothing left to do b/c they're not really interactive at that stage. So my guess is that except for your parents or in-laws, most people will hold the baby and then hand her right back.

[millerpjm]

I second the idea of a carrier/sling/infant carseat, or even a stroller. The first 2 times I took DS to work to show him off (while picking up a paycheck) he was asleep in his infant carseat and even the people that told me "I want to hold him when you bring him in" did not even ask. They were content to look.

Jen

Proud mama to Thomas 2/3/03

Put her in a sling. Hardly anyone ever asks me to get her out of the sling so they can hold her. But I can't imagine not letting grandparents hold baby. I say this even knowing that my mom is blind and not very steady and I still trust her with my babe. Look at the small daughter of yours... look into the future of when she has a daughter, how would you feel if she said you couldn't hold the baby?

Steph

[khakismom]

As the mother of another Ellen :), my curiosity is getting the better of me. Is there a particular reason why you don't want family to hold her? Like her age, or germs? Or something else? :)

...Maureen

Mom to
Kathleen 3/22/01
Ellen 6/4/03

Hi Shannon,

I agree with everyone about putting Ellen in the carrier/sling. And I also agree with those folks who say you might consider letting those closest to you hold her for a little bit. I'm sure you're nervous about germs, sickness, etc, but it really will be fine. Sometimes it's hard, but we have to suppress the control freaks within us.

I'm definitely not saying to let random people hold your baby, but I think you might reconsider letting grandparents hold her.