How can I help my friend? Sad news about her baby...

[mum1day]

A friend of mine had her baby at 41 weeks this week. The baby was born with a few problems, which she was not expecting. I don't want to get into details, but it's heartbreaking news.

I'm at a total loss as to what I can do to help. Does anyone have any suggestions? She has a DD who is 2+. A group of us were thinking of sending a basket to the NICU nurses and also sending a gift basket to her 2yo.

I would love some guidance as I've never been in either situation and I feel at a total loss.

TIA!

THere was a great post here recently about things for the parents while they visit the NICU - books, cards, etc. - you might look for that because it was good and detailed.

If it were me, I would also make my best effort to joyously welcome the new baby just as you would had he been born healthy. It's got to be doubly heartbreaking to have this new baby whom she adores and everyone reacts sadly to the news (which of course she's already incredibly sad about). Don't know if this makes sense....


Mary

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

That is a really tough situation, but I think they best thing you can do is welcome her new baby like any other. Also, offer to babysit her DD if she needs help or bring her and her family dinners, etc. I would send her something to the NICU so she knows that you are all thinking about her. I think sending the 2 year old something is also very sweet. She is probably having a tough time too so every little bit helps.

I'm so sorry your friend is going through this and I hope that things improve. She is in my thoughts and prayers.

[megs4413]

as Mary mentioned, do your best to still celebrate this baby's birth like you would have had their not been issues...

and one of the best things you could do is invite her 2yo to play for awhile and help with babysitting her....also meals! gift cards to area fast food places would be excellent as i'm sure they're eating out a lot....i don't think freeze and make meals would be as good cause i imagine they dont' get to be home a lot....

my situation is different so i can only tell you how i feel....but it's tough knowing that DS is going to have some issues at first and we know he'll be in the special care nursery at least for a bit (but we're hopeful things will be well...) and i think the hardest part for me is handling how people react....like it's not the same as having a "healthy" baby...somehow less good. just watch that reaction...i don't think people do it intentionally...i think it's just that they don't know what to say. but we're as excited for this one as we were for DD and we want everyone else to be excited, too. just my opinion on that one!

[annasmom]

I am so sorry for your friend. You have gotten a lot of really good advice, and I think you and your friend have some great ideas as well. If your friend's baby is going to be in the NICU for any extended period of time, the entire family will get to know the NICU nurses VERY well - sending something to them is a really nice touch, and something your friend just doesn't have the capacity to do right now.

With a child in the NICU, and another child to care for at home, logistics can be difficult. Here are some more ideas: you may want to volunteer rides to the hospital (she may not be able to drive herself yet, and even then it might be easier to get a ride from someone else if perhaps her dh is already at the hospital and can drive her home), meals for the family, childcare for the dd at home, dropping off lunch, meals, change of clothes, etc. for the mom and dad at the hospital, short visits at the hospital (spending an entire day at the hospital, day in and day out can be tiring, she may need a coffee break and someone to talk to - better yet, bring her some coffee - hospital coffee is horrible!), run some errands for the family - does she need pumping supplies, does she need to fill a prescription, does she need a ride to her OB check-up visit, does she want to get a book about her dc's condition, etc., etc.

Is someone staying with the dd? If so, do they know the area?? You may want to help them out with finding the grocery store, the hospital, etc.

I could go on and on. Best of luck to you. Your friend is lucky to have you and your other friends looking out for her!