2 bad BF'ing days...need encouragement!

I'm back and in need of more encouragement!

The past two days have been challenging for Atom and me in the breastfeeding department. I have made a point of waking him up myself, before he wakes himself up, with the hopes of getting him to latch on and feed before he hits the "hysterical starvation" mode. It worked the first few times, but lately, it seems like he's going straight from sleeping to hysteria.

When hysteria strikes, nothing will soothe him save the bottle. He won't latch on, he won't calm down, and he just emits these horrid high-pitched guttural screeches and screams that sound like a mad banshee. It's so stressful. I can usually manage it fine by myself and still keep my cool, but sometimes it really does stress me out.

So, I've been having to prime about 80% of our feedings with a few sips from the bottle before I can get him to latch on. Half of those times go pretty well and he'll nurse for the next 40-60 minutes. The other times, the hysteria continues until he's taken about 2 ounces from the bottle, then he won't nurse at all and just falls asleep again from exhaustion.

So, that's frustration #1.

Frustration #2...I think I have a really low milk supply. I've been pumping about 5-8x per day with the Lactina Select. During each pumping session of about 10-30 minutes, I get about 0.5 ounce of EBM per boob. I've been doing this for over a week now, and there's been little improvement. I think I squeezed out one ounces from one boob a couple days ago, but I haven't been able to repeat that performance since. I'm using the EBM for the "hysteria bottles", but I run out very quickly and end up supplementing with formula.

I'm on Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle and also eating a big bowl of oatmeal in the morning to help boost my supply. I've yet to see any increase, but I do smell like syrup??? So bizarre.

Anyhow, I need lots of cyber hugs and encouragement. I feel totally lost and confused and I just don't know what to do differently or what to try next. I want to BF so desperately!

I'm calling tomorrow to schedule a visit with a LC...so, please pray that I'l get an awesome LC with lots of patience and compassion! While you're at it, please pray that my hubby will be more understanding of my BF struggles and start supporting me here, instead of showing frustration. We've talked about it, and from what I understand, his frustration comes from him seeing my struggles and being frustrated that he can't physically do anything to help. If he could just stop telling me to quit and switch to bottles, I'd be thrilled.

Thanks in advance for the support, you guys are all so awesome!

On the bright side, I am loving my Glamourmom tanks and My Brest Friend nursing pillow! They are making this whole experience just a little easier and more pleasant for me. :)

Mariana
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[mudder17]

Big hugs, Mariana! First off, just tell your DH what you just said. Ask him to just be your biggest cheerleader and it will help you more than anything else. Seriously. I find that I often have to be direct (but tactful) with my DH and while it seems kind of funny (he can't figure out how him cheering me on if I tell him to do that would actually help), it does help a lot.

Second, up your intake of water. Even now, when I'm breastfeeding a toddler, I find I often have to drink a gallon of water a day to keep from feeling thirsty! So drink lots of water (or Mother's milk tea, which is another favorite of mine).

Definitely keep waking him before he naturally awakes (I think for the first 2 weeks, I woke her up every 2 hours to feed around the clock--unless she woke earlier) and then the next two weeks I was waking her every 2 hours during the day and every 3 hours at night (again, unless she woke up earlier)). I think that helped boost my supply more than anything--that I was nursing her so often.

I will definitely pray that you get an awesome LC tomorrow! Big, big cyberhugs! Keep us updated!

ETA: Mariana, I don't remember--are you using an SNS system? Can you increase the amount of supplementation so that he doesn't get quite as frustrated when he's nursing so that he gets extra that way?

Eileen

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I don't have any advise for you, but wanted to say hang in there. I just remember crying the first week or so because it could be so difficult trying to get the baby to wake up and nurse, but it did get better. The lactation consultant should really be able to help.

Good luck!

[psophia17]

I'm sending lots of BF vibes your way - you're going to get it, Mama!!!

I know what you mean about your DH. When DS wouldn't latch in the hospital after my C/S, and was screaming his head off, DH started harping about the bottle this and formula was easier and it would be less work for me becuase he'd get up at night bla bla bla, and it was so unsupportive. But by the time we got DS home, DH was helping me position DS, helping with my pillows and even holding my boobs up for me while I used both hands to aim DS's head.

Maybe giving your DH a project to physically help you BF would make things easier for you? With DS, who also went from asleep to starvation in a split second, I would hear DS first, and then DH would go collect him and keep him occupied for a few minutes with his pinkie or singing or dancing, while I got situated to BF, which included priming my boobs with a little massage (in my case, I had oversupply at first, and then hit supply issues a month in). If you haven't already done so, check out some info on hand expressing milk, and do that as soon as your DS stirs. Just getting a little milk on the nipple and areola helped DS figure out what was going on, and once he latched he'd stay on no problem, so maybe that will help you out.

I know you can do it - take a deep breath, drink lots and lots of water, eat as much oatmeal as you can stomach, and keep up the good work!

[karolyp]

Big hugs to you Mariana. I know it get sooo frustrating in the beginning! And it doesn't help when everyone's telling you to use formula!! I agree with Eileen about increasing your water intake. Also, do you think your DS can feel your DH's frustration? Anyhow, best of luck to you at your appointment with the LC. Let us know what happens.

You can do it!!!

[missym]

Mariana, you're doing a wonderful thing for your baby! BFing can be so hard even without the additional frustrations you're facing. I hope you find a great LC who can offer some practical solutions. Hang in there, Mama... we're cheering you on!

Missy, mom to Gwen 03/03 and Rebecca 09/05

[lizajane]

i am so impressed with your determination! you are doing a great job in spite of all the work you have to do. so many other moms would have (and have!) given up. so many moms give up in a few days for reasons way less frustrating than yours! the LC should be able to help, and if not, find another one!

try try try to keep yourself away from stress. snuggle up with atom and stay in bed or on the couch. get your water and snacks and magazines and your remote all in a heap so you can just relax and be with your son and make milk!

remind your DH that a lot of your frustration that makes him want to be unsupportive is what makes you so frustrated!! and that you need to vent and you need him to be a good listener. you are not venting because you want permission to quit, you are venting because you want encouragment to go on!!!!

[janeybwild]

Mariana, even when we "know" ahead of time how hard BF can be, it takes us by surprise. "I'm doing something wrong" can jump into your head because this is supposed to be natural (read = easy). Every oz Atom gets from you helps him, so know that you are doing a good thing for him. I really hope the LC can give you some constructive suggestions to help you both. I think if you try too many suggestions from people who haven’t seen him latch on you could make yourself crazy trying them all and feel even more miserable. Push for an appointment ASAP.

That being said, I am all for doing what's best for you and your family, regardless of how other people might view it. Nothing wrong with supplementation in my book if it helps you, but I know others who think the bottle is the devil for BF. Would I rather always have to give half formula and half BM than no BM if that is what worked for us? Yes.

Dana had to be supplemented in the first few weeks due to medication issues, and DH pushed for me to give up BF in a not so subtle way. It finally took me breaking down and explaining to him how important it was to me that I continue to try. Even our older and sage primary care doc who witnessed this said to him that a man can never hope to understand how important BF is to some women, and he should try to find a way to help me instead of fight me. If it didn't work out, then I would have been at peace with it, although very disappointed. Luckily for us it did work out, but it was a hard few weeks. DH also wasn’t clear on why BM was so good for the baby. This despite the BF class we both attended and how swimmingly things went with BF Megan. I had to review it with him and spell out how this helped us all (everything from immunity to $$$).

All this to say, that there are no right answers out there. Go with your gut. Perhaps after talking to the LC you will a have some constructive things to try that will help. This could all change once he gets a few weeks older, but until then, huge huge hugs to you.

[becca13]

Give yourself time! One of my girlfriends gave me breastfeeding milestones of 3 weeks, 6 weeks and she said after that it will be something that you feel like you've always been doing. . . she was right. I hope you get a great LC. Mine was an Enormous help to me. I did not have the struggle you are having with feeding but I will share my pumping problems with you. I was in a similar situation where I got only a small amount of EBM for the first week or two (DD was in NICU and I was not able to feed her at first). I was forever being pressured to give formula. Given the frequency of your pumping, rather than your milk supply being low, it is more likely you are having trouble with let-down. Let-down can be majorly inhibited by stress and anxiety and as my LC said, "your baby is much more effective at emptying your breast than the pump." I think your LC should be able to help you find ways to relax and to develop a great feeding bond with Atom. Best Wishes! Bec

[DebbieJ]

Mariana,

You are doing an awesome job!

ITA with the idea of setting small goals. It totally helped me.

As far as your husband, he needs to support you or shut up. That's it. And he CAN do something. He can keep the house running smoothly, do dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. He can also take the LA or SNS and finger feed Atom when he gets hysterical. I would try try try try to stay away from the bottle as much as possible. It's not about nipple confusion, it's about bottle preference. He will learn that the milk comes easier out of that bottle and then that will be all he wants.

Have you considered domperidone?

~ deb
DS born at home 12/03
Breastfed for 20 months and 6 days

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