Dear DH: I want to kill you when...

[maylips]

....you lay next to me, snoring away, while I'm up nursing the baby at 3:30 a.m.

I realize you have to work the next morning, but nothing makes me feel more sorry for myself than to have the entire house quiet and sleeping except for me. Even DS is content, sucking on the boob, while I'm struggling to stay awake and thinking about how 2 year old DD is going to waltz into our room at 6:30, fully refreshed from her 10+ hours of uninterrupted sleep and wanting Mommy's attention.

It also doesn't help that *I* seem to be the only one who hears the baby crying in the middle of the night. Your ability to ignore the elephant in the room makes me both jealous and really, really mad.

[jench]

omg, I could have written your post word for word. I must be a light sleeper, I wake up for every grunt, hiccup, etc. but DH doesn't seem to wake up unless DS is all out screaming... I have to keep reminding myself (while quietly seething in the rocking chair) it's only for a few months...

Keep up the good work!

[elektra]

I hear ya sister! I would poke my DH if he was snoring because I totally know that rage feeling! DH has never heard DS cry in the middle of the night and basically never offered to help me with anything from the hours of 11pm - 6am. I would have to ask him and be met with major complaining if for instance I had just tried to put DS down 5 times in a row or something and just needed a break and for someone to hold the little guy.
And you know what was more maddening?- hearing SIL (DH's sister) talk about how her DH (who also works full time like my DH and hello like me too!) would get up EVERY SINGLE TIME their new DD would wake up and bring the baby to SIL to nurse, then after SIL was done nursing, her DH would take the baby, burp her, change her and get her back down.
I was so jealous!
How can they just lay there snoring away????

[Laurel]

Not sure if you are co-sleeping ,but how about making getting baby out or putting baby back in the crib Dad's job? That way you don't get out of bed twice, and he shares the pain.

We also keep the monitor on DH's side of the bed.

[hellokitty]

Oh, my DH is part of the snore and ignore club too!!!! UGH! He doesn't complain as much now, b/c this is baby #3 and sometimes when I'm having a really hard time getting the baby to go back to sleep, he will let the baby sleep on his chest. However, with the first baby, I remember being soooo pissed at him in the middle of the night. The baby would wake up crying, he'd be snoring and totally out. Every once in a while he would actually hear the baby cry and then start complaining about how he had to go to work in the morning and unlike me he HAD to get some sleep. Yeah, as you can imagine, I practically had steam coming out of my ears that he would say something so insensitive. As if being a sahm is not, "work" and as if I can just snooze all day while he is at work??? I have a friend whose DH also gets up and helps her in the middle of the night and I think that is awesome and he has a job that has waaay more hrs than MY DH's hrs. With DS1, my DH got sick of the few times the baby would cry and instead of the baby being in our room for 3 mo as planned, he made me move the baby to his own room by 5 wks and then I had to trudge back and forth btwn rooms. Yeah, lots of fun for me, I basically ended up sleeping most of the time in the nursing chair.

Oh and to top things off, my DH is a BF advocate. However, this is what he tells other guys, "Is your wife going to BF? If she does, that means you don't have to get up at night." I almost kicked him in the nuts when he told me about this convo that he had with a co-worker expecting their first baby yrs ago.

[maiaann]

Oh Yes! My kids are nearly the exact same age as yours and I feel your pain. The best part is around 9 pm at night, when I ask DH if he can load the dishwasher or do something, his reply is usually "I don't know, I'm pretty tired..." YOU'RE tired?! Excuse me!

[mommylamb]

What would happen if you woke him up and said "I did it last time, now it's your turn."? I used to do that to DH when DS was still waking up in the night. We both work full time, so he has no more right to sleep than I do. Of course, DS was old enough at that point where he didn't need to eat in the middle of the night, so it wasn't like he needed to breast feed.

[jgenie]

I know the feeling - DS didn't STTN until 15 months and DH never heard a peep!

[twowhat?]

Originally Posted by hellokitty

Oh and to top things off, my DH is a BF advocate. However, this is what he tells other guys, "Is your wife going to BF? If she does, that means you don't have to get up at night." I almost kicked him in the nuts when he told me about this convo that he had with a co-worker expecting their first baby yrs ago.

I'm so sorry...this is too funny!!

Would it help to establish a schedule with him? You take MWF, he takes T TH. He can't even complain about fairness then because 1) you have to get up every night anyway and 2) all he has to do on T TH is bring baby to you to nurse, change, and settle baby back into bed. I HATE how "having to go to work" qualifies as an excuse to not share nightly duties. My husband always told me that he can go to work zombie-eyed but that it's much harder caring for a baby zombie-eyed. Thank goodness he GETS it.

[JenChem]

My DH tries to help, but somehow we just don't communicate well. At 2am he offered to go soothe DS but I knew it was time to feed him so I told him not to bother. At 5am, I fed him then had to get back out of bed twice to soothe DS. When he was still awake at 7am, I woke DH up and said "What happened to my offer of help??? Can you take the baby now?" Turns out he offered at 2am because he had insomnia and didn't get to sleep til 4. So when I yelled at him and got him up at 7am he took DS until 9am and then went to work on 3 hours of sleep. Now I just feel terrible but how was I supposed to know?