Being a Bridesmaid at age Thirty-something

[xmasbabycomin]

So DS asked me to be the Matron of Honor at her wedding, which is cool and all, but haven't done that in years and am a little nervous. I'm not as young, thin or knowledgeable about these things as I used to be. I've also, unfortunately, gained about 15 lbs since I saw DS last :0. (I'd lost about 90 in the years before that but have gained about 35 back) She also lives 800 miles away and I'll have to figure out a shower. She's getting married in April.

First, I'll probably have a strapless dress, and I'm a size 14 34DDD (sis knows this, but everything is strapless nowadays I guess). I'm going shopping w/2 of her bridesmaids in a few weeks-am I going to be stuffed like a sausage in a sample size? I don't think hers is at David's or anything-prob more like a boutique. Any suggestions on strapless bras for my size? Should I bring Spanx?

Also, should I plan a coed or just girls shower? I guess I could talk to the other bridesmaids about that when I get there. Sorry if this is TMI, I'm just stressed!

I attached a pic of the b/m dress she's thinking about.

[Beth24]

With respect to the dress, my sister was about your size at my wedding and we found her a very flattering dress in the same color as my other bridesmaids. The style was different but she was the maid of honor so it was ok for her to be a little different. So if that style doesn't look good on you, and it very well could look good bc of the ruching at the waist, then you may want to see if that's an option. I am also large busted and I've never been tat comfortable in a strapless dress!

[lowrioh]

Originally Posted by Beth24

we found her a very flattering dress in the same color as my other bridesmaids. The style was different but she was the maid of honor so it was ok for her to be a little different. So if that style doesn't look good on you, and it very well could look good bc of the ruching at the waist, then you may want to see if that's an option. I am also large busted and I've never been tat comfortable in a strapless dress!

I was my sisters MOH when I was 35 and I was still nursing. Since I was the only attendant, I got to choose the dress and I would NEVER have gone strapless. Try the dress but I would ask you sister if you could get a different dress if you aren't comfortable.
As MOH you are bending over a fair bit to straighten out the dress etc. I didn't want to "pop" out during the ceremony and my sister appreciated that
I would ask you sister what type of shower she wants. We did a girls only shower that was mostly extended family. We went for mani and pedis and lunch the day before the wedding with a bunch of her friends where we gave her some of the naughtier gifts that wouldn't be appropriate to open in front of grandma...

ETA: Look at Nordstroms for some options.
Here are two that look like they might coordinate with the strapless dress
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/3123738?...y&resultback=0
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3134472?...y&resultback=0

[xmasbabycomin]

Oh, god-I hadn't realized I'd be bending over. That's just bad. The girls fall out of a regular bra sometimes when I bend over. She e-asked me if I liked the dress and I told her I did & thought it was flattering but was concerned about it being strapless. Haven't heard back, but I've mentioned this b4 (she was engaged a few years ago but we didn't get too into the process of looking at dresses).

I do like those dresses, lowrioh, you suggested, but she wants some specific shade of blue that I doubt those come in. The sample her friend tried on just happened to be black. I think she wants all the b/m to match (I think there are 5) but I may just have to bring up the Nip Slip thing.

So am I going to be able to even try on a sample size? What are they-size 8? Seems like some shops might have a few sizes in some of them...but I don't know what's different now.

It sure would be easier for me to do a shower right before the wedding so I wouldn't have to fly out there again, but it's not about me. It doesn't matter that her fiancee has been married before, does it?

[Mommy_Again]

I've been a bridesmaid twice since turning 30, for each of my brothers. Most recently was when 3 months pregnant...you know, when you just look fat. that was fun.

Since you're the MOH, you can get away with wearing something a little different. I actually think that dress will be pretty flattering because it is cut so high underneath the arms - to hide that annoying flab of skin even Hollywood stars have. Maybe you could get a wrap made in a color that coordinate with her scheme to give you more coverage in your shoulders and upper arms.

As for showers...traditional ettiquette discourages family members from throwing showers, so you are technically off the hook. I know a lot of people give showers for their family members these days...so if she is going to expect it, you might have to go there.

[BayGirl2]

You are right that a sample size may not fit to try on. Also, don't be upset if you need a ridiculously huge sounding size (18, 22, etc.) - bridesmaid dresses are sized small and can be super depressing for anyone larger than like a size 8. Check out other dresses from the same designer she is looking at - they may have other styles in the same fabric that would match perfectly.

Its pretty common for the MOH to wear a different cut dress. If she insists on strapless you may have to deal - I had to wear a pouffy strapless for exSIL when I was size 16, age 35 standing next to size 0, 23 YO girls. At least I could sell it on CL's afterwards and burn the pics!

I agree for the shower you should ask her what she prefers in terms of format and timing. If there is another member of the wedding party or a close family member nearby I'd recruit them to help out with logistics too.

ETA: Doesn't really matter if the fiancée has been married before - its her wedding. Also, I think the tradition of family members not throwing showers isn't really observed much anymore. IME its typically the bridal party that throws the shower, and close family pitches in, esp if they are in the bridal party.

[codex57]

I can't help with the practical details, but it's no big deal about your age. More and more people are getting married later and later. Having a bridal party with ages in the 30s is actually quite common now.

What's DS stand for? I understood it to mean "Dear Son".

[indigo99]

Dear sis should understand that you might have a problem wearing strapless. I would definitely check to see if there are other dresses in that color. Find out who makes the dress, and you should be able to research it.