DH want me to opt for an elective c-section after first birth

[okinawama]

During my first birth my husband was down on the "business end" of things when my son experienced shoulder dystocia and was stuck for about 2 minutes ( that labor was epidural free, I was given the option to push anyway I wanted, but chose my back, my son wasn't all that large 8lbs 2oz).

I am seeing a midwife, who is completely positive/supportive of a natural delivery for me ( the only risk factor I have is a prior dystocia) and up until recently, I was pretty positive that I was going that route. However, I have had to see 2 different OB's in the practice because the MW was unavailable for my appointment, and rather than cancel I saw whoever was available. Of course, after reading over my chart, they both asked me to strongly consider a C-section to avoid another dystocia.

After those appointments, my husband has expressed that he feels that the risks outweigh the benefits of going for a natural delivery and he feels that we should opt for an elective c-section.

I do see his point, after research, I realized that my chance for another dystocia goes up to 10-16 percent (instead of the .8-4% for women who've never had dystocia issues) and while there is no way to predict if it will happen again a prior dystocia is one of the largest indicators. He also worries that the stakes are high, if something does happen, the results can be terrible.

So, he is clearly worried ( a bit traumatized even) and would like us to go the c-section route. I am now on the fence, I still feel very confident in my body and midwife, but feel like I need to consider/respect how my husband feels as well. Would you go along with a C-section in this situation?

[fedoragirl]

I can't advise you either way because for me, the choice was taken out of my hands. The OB suspects DD had shoulder dystocia and it may have cracked her bone. She was crowning but we had to stop and get into a C-section. She was just not coming out no matter how much I pushed, and the OB said it was best to do a C/S. I was very upset about it and am still learning to let it go. The recovery from the C/S was very fast and almost painless for me but everyone is different.
Looking back, I am glad I didn't sacrifice DD's shoulder to my absolute need of wanting a natural delivery. Also, DD was almost 10 lbs. so in hindsight, a C/S was better. I still wouldn't want it and am looking for VBAC this time. However, if they told me that it was the same problem in labor, then I'd go that route again.
ETA: While I would respect DH's feelings, I wouldn't make a decision about MY body based on his trauma. After all, he just had to see it, not experience everything. It's hard on men but I think women are tough and if you feel confident, then go for what you want. He can opt to sit at the head of the bed this time. Also, you can compromise and go for a natural birth and if baby has dystocia, then let OB/Midwife know that you'd like to get a C/S.

[wellyes]

If I were you, I'd definitely strongly consider it. If my husband were having a medical procedure with a 10%-16% chance of serious complication, I would hope he'd take my opinion and feelings very seriously. And of course there is also a risk to the child which is probably making him doubly upset. It's your body and your choice but in your shoes, I'd partner with my husband and make a decision jointly.

[WolfpackMom]

Originally Posted by wellyes

If I were you, I'd definitely strongly consider it. If my husband were having a medical procedure with a 10%-16% chance of serious complication, I would hope he'd take my opinion and feelings very seriously. And of course there is also a risk to the child which is probably making him doubly upset. It's your body and your choice but in your shoes, I'd partner with my husband and make a decision jointly.

I know many people have strong feelings about elective c-sections on this board. However, I really think your husband's experience with your last birth should be taken into account in your decision. As hard as it is for you to experience what happened, I imagine its also horrible to watch it happen to someone you love, or really two people. Not saying you should go with a c-section, just that I would have a good sit down with DH and your midwife and weigh your options and come to a decision that everyone is comfortable with.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I understand pp's point about considering dh's feelings but I don't know if I agree with the conclusion. I think that the best thing to do would be to really, really sit down with your care providers (maybe even both the mW and an OB at the same time so you can really hear both POVs and they have a chance to debate) and discuss the situation completely. Discuss risks and benefits of both options for this pregnancy, birth and possible future pregnancies and births. Are there things that can be done to improve the vaginal or c-section safety? It is hard to get past the emotional reaction and make a scientific informed decision with all the facts available. No one knows exactly what hand will get dealt to you in labor, birth and recovery. Think about as many what-ifs as you can and decide what you feel comfortable with.

As much as it is good to include your dh I'm not sure I'd let him have final say as you are the one delivering the baby. You need to go with your gut, whatever that is. Not an easy decision, I am sure.

Beth

[Hawkeyewife]

I guess my first question would be, how many more children are you planning on having? I could see how the fear of SD could outweigh the fear of a first time cesarean if this is the LAST baby you are planning on having together. You both haven't experienced a cesarean yet and in this culture it is sort of advertised as the easy/painless way to birth. There are risks, you should fully discuss those and come up to a decision together. If you still feel that you desire a normal, vaginal birth and your husband is still against it, you may want to consider hiring a doula since his fear could effect the way you feel during this birth.

Best wishes on getting the birth you want!

[DebbieJ]

I would absolutely NOT choose a c-section. I had one with DS2. although not by choice. A c-section is major surgery!

I would talk with your midwife about the possibility of it happening again and research how to avoid it.

A skilled midwife knows how to deal with dystocia and doesn't view it as a major complication.

[secchick]

I would consider it and did have a C-section for DC2 and will have another for DC3 (last one). In my case, I pushed for 2 hours with my first before they realized she was facing the wrong way and ended up with a 4th degree episiotomy and forceps to deliver. I also experienced a number of issues post-delivery that required several months of physical therapy. Based on the advice of 2 OBs and the fact that my post delivery probles would likely reoccur, necessitating additional PT and likely reoccurrance and subsequent surgery as I aged, I elected for a C-section, and it was SO SO SO much better and my recovery was so much easier. It would not have been my first choice, as I am generally against medically unnecessary C-sections, but it was best for me given the circumstances. Fortunately, my doctors are the types that never schedule non-emergency C-sections before 39 weeks, and I had no post-surgery complications or difficulty nursing.

[ThreeofUs]

Honestly, you don't have to make this decision set in stone. You can plan for contingencies.

Small baby, easy birth, no complications = natural birth
Big baby, hard birth, complications = c-section
Somewhere in between? = your choice (natural, wait and see, etc.)

You could even have an epidural installed but not pumping anything just for the c-section contingency, if you wanted.

But don't let anyone make you feel bad about going either route. It's your choice and dystocia is not considered a major birth complication.

FWIW, after my first horrific birth experience - and I'm talking we almost lost both of us, with ICU for me and and NICU for DS1 - I told the OB to put in a zipper for the next one. There was NO way I was going through that again, and I had an easy, planned C for DS2. But that was just me.

[Edensmum]

Distocia can be scary, but a section is very scary and comes with way more risks and a vaginal birth. A lot more recovery and dangers not only to you and this baby but future pregnancies. I have had two. I likely have another this time and it really scares me. I can't recommend it. You need a midwife skilled in delivery, distocia is one of those things that many doctors aren't skilled in dealing with, they go right to surgery. Make sure you are seeing someone who is comfortable with this and knows what they are doing. Show dh the risks of sections.
I am currently 5 weeks pregnant and I am enjoying a lot of pain at the incision site, tearing sensations from the adhesions from surgery. I had those before pregnant too. Please don't make this decision lightly or out of fear. ICAN has a lot of good info, do your research and trust you gut.