She's SOOOO SMALL!!!!

I know it's bad for one of my first posts to be on this topic, but I am so tired of being told how small my baby is by complete strangers!
"What are you feeding her? Maybe you should start cereal now (forget what the ped says) to get some fat on her!"
"Are you breastfeeding?" (Yes.) "Maybe you don't have enough milk." (WHAT???)
"Wow, she's TINY, was she a Preemie?"
So if I say she's not a Preemie, it means I'm doing something wrong to make her small? Actually, she was born on her due date, 6lbs 8oz at birth, but she's always been really long with a small head (5th percentile) so she does look petite compared to other babies. The pediatrician says she's fine, she's growing at a normal rate, and she's a healthy, happy baby.

I'm sure moms with larger babies get even more insensitive comments, but it just drives me crazy sometimes!

[August Mom]

I can totally relate. I've heard that comment for 10 months now. DS has consistently been around the 10th percentile for everything. At first it really bothered me and made me monitor his weight really carefully. I've found now that, if you must answer, saying something like "Her head is proportionate to the rest of her body; that's what makes her so cute" usually works. Also, something like "She's very healthy and that's what's important" usually works. When DS was a newborn I used to joke that I wasn't complaining about his small head size because I had to give birth to him.

Good luck. Remember, you know your baby and as long as she's healthy, there's nothing wrong with being small. In fact, enjoy it! You'll be able to carry her more easily for longer and she'll wear her clothes for longer.

[Momof3Labs]

We get lots of comments too because Colin has never been a chubby baby - he was 50th percentile for weight at birth and 2 months, and dropped to 10th percentile for weight by 6 months. All the time, he's been 95th percentile for height. My ped feels that the percentile drop was because he was an early mover and was not worried.

Anyways, the best response I have come up with is a shrug and the comment "his pediatrician says that he is doing just great." If you get advice, just nod and shrug and say "well, maybe we'll try that." If you want to be smart-alecky, just add "wow, how come we never thought of that."

People make stupid comments all the time - I have two mommy friends with twins, and complete strangers are always telling them that there's no way that the babies are twins! How stupid is that??

And I have to agree with August Mom on these two points: you'll be grateful for a smaller baby as she gets bigger and you still have to carry her! And she'll be able to wear those tiny, adorable outfits so much longer!

[Roleysmom]

Missy, I was right there with you. It wasn't until her 15 month appointment that Roley moved up to the 10-25 percentile for weight. Before that she was in the 5-10 and then under the fifth percentile. I took every comment about her size so personally; I think especially because I was breastfeeding and thought if she was small I must be doing something wrong (somehow discounting the fact that my mother was and my SIL and MIL are teeny (around 5 ft and 100 lbs). It didn't help that while my ped was generally supportive and never suggested that we supplement the breastfeeding, he would end every visit by pointing at Roley and saying, "eat, eat, I want to see you be bigger next time." She always gained weight between appointments, just not enough to advance on the growth chart.

I think people forget that when you are a first-time parent you always feel on display (at least I did and still do sometimes) and can be constantly questioning what you are doing. Those clueless comments, regardless of how innocent or well-meaning, can really stick. Hey, but then sometimes we new parents do the same thing to each other. DD and I were on our front porch handing out candy at Halloween when a family came up with their little boy who was born a day before Roley. Instead of saying how cute she was in her skunk outfit, they went on and on (and I do mean on and on) about how much bigger he was, he was almost twice her size, etc. etc. I had to concentrate really hard not to say something terribly evil like "what are you doing that he's so fat." Bad, bad, bad. I said something like "we like her just the way she is." Other posters had much better responses, I'd go with theirs!

Just let it roll off your back. She's doing great, your doing great, and as my mother used to say, it will all even out in the wash.

Paula
-- mom to Roley Julia 01-04-02

I so hear you Missy!! In fact, I was going to post something similar myself. Ds was born one day past his due date at 6 lb, 15 oz. He's a perfectly happy and healthy little boy, but has been slow to gain weight.

The question that bothered me the most was, 'Is he..... (pause)..... OK?' Of course he is!!!!! Just look at his beautiful smiling face! And if he wasn't, do they really think I'd open up to a complete stranger????? The other one is 'Is he a good eater?'. Yep, would you like to come over and count his wet diapers?

ITA with Paula's comments above. I'm also very glad that he hasn't outgrown many outfits yet and is not super heavy to carry in his infant seat.

I am also breastfeeding and at first worried that I was doing something wrong. We do offer a supplement if he has been on both breasts and still appears hungry. Sometimes he takes it, sometimes he doesn't. I totally trust him to eat when he's hungry and refuse when he's not. Not all babies can be at the 60th percentile for weight!

Thanks for posting this. I like the suggested responses to people and will probably use them.

Mary & Lane 4/6/03
http://www.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=...21b3237413c427 - New 6/18

[Marisa6826]

Missy-

I can completely understand. Sophie's a little munchkin too. She's consistently in the 5th percentile for height and 25th for weight. Her noggin is 50th, though. She was 6 lbs. 1 oz and 19" when she was born, at her most recent visit (6m), she was 14 lbs. 4 oz. and 24".

People are always making comments. My response is that I think it's just great that she still can fit in her 0-3s and I can use her infant seat longer!

Sometimes I just explain that she was a twin (we lost her brother), and that usually freaks people out enough that they don't say anything else.

I think that Gwen is a real cutie just the way she is! :)

Chin up!

-m

[etwahl]

I haven't read all the replies, but I just wanted to say that my dd was in the 75th percentile at her 2 month apppointment, and people ALWAYS tell me how small she is... HUH????? She's chubby with rolls and double chins! But I honestly think people look at babies and forget that they were ever that small. Babies just look so tiny to everyone who doesn't have one of their own.

Tammy,
Mom to Lauren Genevieve
03/12/2003
www.evantammy.com

[Karenn]

Us too! Colin was in the 5-10th percentile for both height and weight at our visit on Wednesday. Lately, everyone's been trying to guess his age. They're usually guessing between 6-8 months. When I say he's a year, they're always shocked. It's also been funny when people who don't know his age see him get up and walk- they think he's a really early walker. :)

[josephsmom]

We get that all the time, too. In fact, we have a friend who always refers to DS as "Petite," and that drives my DH crazy! I never thought of a snappy comeback like those above, but I have to say that I've always thought DS was cuter than the big, roly-poly babies. Some of the babies we see look actually obese, and nobody says anything about that. Huh. What a double standard: babies are supposed to be chubby and bigger kids and adults are supposed to be skinny. What a warped world: why can't it be good enough that we're all healthy?

Helene
mommy to Joseph 12/29/01

Thanks, everyone, for the supportive comments! The suggested come-backs are great.

As a first-time mom, I know I'm overly sensitive to these remarks because they echo some of my own fears. But then I look at how active and happy she is, and I think, she's fine, she's just Gwen-sized!

Thanks again for letting me vent!

Missy, Mom to Gwen, 03/03