DS never wants to talk about his day

[lcarlson90]

DS is in K. I make a point every day on the ride home from school to ask him how his day was and what his favorite activity was, etc. Most of the time he says his day was "good" but does not elaborate. When I push him he will say, "I don't want to tell you." Today I got an email newsletter from his teacher and she mentioned that they had two assemblies this week that the children loved. DS never even mentioned anything about the assemblies to me.

DS isn't a quiet kid, in fact he talks a lot about other stuff. I guess I just don't understand why he is not excited enough about the things he does at school that he would want to share them with me. I guess I should mention that he has ADHD although I am not sure that it's a factor here. Is this normal, should I be concerned?

[KrisM]

I find that if I ask on the way home from school or the bus stop, I get short "good" answers. If I wait and just talk about things at dinner or at bedtime, I get much more information.

And, instead of asking "how was school", try asking "did you have an assembly this week?" or "are you learning to play baseball in gym class?". More specific questions get me much better results.

[sariana]

I remember my mom asking this question when I was in kindergarten. My mind would start racing. "Where to begin? How do I organize into words all these thoughts in my head?"

My answer to her? "I forget." Every.single.day.

I agree with PP that it helps to ask specific questions to help your DS to organize his thoughts. "Did you do any coloring today?" "Yes." "Which colors did you use?" etc.

I suspect his "I don't want to tell you" is his version of my "I forget" and is code for "I don't know how to verbalize my thoughts."

[JBaxter]

I have found that with my first 2 ask questions that require yes and no answers.
example....

Did you have PE today?

Were all your friends at school today?

Did you bring papers home?

If its a good day you get some expanded answers

DS3 gives you a blow by blow of the WHOLE day.

[cono0507]

I get good answers when I ask him what the best part of the day was and it seems to snowball from there.

[vmcorno]

I've found that I get answers of "nothing", "it was good", etc. if I ask after school. However, if I ask when I tuck him in at night, I get 5-10 minutes of nonstop talking about all the details. I've learned to just build a little extra time into our nighttime routine.

[ellies mom]

When my oldest was in kindergarten, she used to always respond with "It's a secret".

So now in first grade, I ask her what her favorite part of the day was and to tell me something she learned. I can usually get some sort of answer from her, most days.

[wimama]

My DS is in K4. This is what most of our conversations would go like all first semester.

Me "What did you do in school today" --- DS - Good
Me "No, not how you did, what did you do." - DS - Good
Me "Who did you play with?" DS - Everybody

We have learned to ask him very specific questions. Like "Did you have gym today?" If no response, "Did you do jumping jacks in gym today?" "Did you run?" Etc.

I have to agree with Vmcorno, DS seems to open up more to me at bedtime, when we are snuggling together in his bed. I sometimes use it as a time to review the day and preview what the next day will be like. DS seems to open up more at bedtime.

[Elilly]

My kiddos have had a "horrible" day if I ask them in the car on the way home. If I wait until we get home for a snack and then ask, their answers are far more accurate

[marie]

i usually wait until dinner/bedtime to ask. Also, we were fortunate because DD1's kindy teacher would give us a list of "Friday Questions" every Friday. They were questions like "This week we learned about the Pilgrims crossing the Atlantic. What does the phrase "glib-gabbety puke stockings" mean?" (sorry for the ick factor but that was one of the more memorable questions!) So DH and I always had very specific things to ask her about.

This year, I ask things like "what book is your group reading?" "What did you do in music class?", "best part of your day?", "worst part of your day?", etc. Also, she does a Friday Journal where she writes about one thing that she did in the week and then DH or I write back.