Can I please vent and ask for advice (re: school)?

[jenfromnj]

I don't post here often, since we're still getting our feet wet as DS approaches his third birthday, but I am hoping to get some feedback from all of you who've BTDT.

We had DS tested over the past few months to qualify for our town's preschool program, and were hoping that he'd be able to transition smoothly from EI to there. We are having such a bad time with the school personnel with whom we've dealt, I no longer have real confidence in the program. They've blatantly disregarded their statutory obligations in a number of ways so far (as far as notice, things like that), and our main point of contact is so incredibly arrogant and condescending, and does not listen. It's maddening and so frustrating, and starting to make me angry.

Today for instance, I called and said this is Jen MyLastname, X Hislastname's mom (I didn't change my name so we have different last names), I wanted to discuss his placement if you have a few minutes." and she actually said "say what you have to say, and say it NOW." And the conversation got worse from there, both in attitude and in content. I know that I kept my lawyer hat on and didn't let myself show how angry/upset I was, but my cheeks are still blazing, 2 hours later. I have never wasted their time--in fact, if anything, I've probably been too permissive of their hijinks, since I'd hope to get through it all and end up with my son happily in preschool.

This woman spent 1.5 hours with him administering a variety of tests--the fact that she is completely unwilling to take any of my, his EI therapists, or even his doctors' input, is frankly disturbing, and seems contrary to the way things are supposed to work, doesn't it? (She even said, when I tried to explain what these people thought about certain issues, "well, that's all well and good, but we don't HAVE to listen to anything they say--we have our own evaluation process and THAT is all we have to worry about." sigh.

Has anyone had a very bad time dealing with their school district? Did you end up getting an advocate or an attorney? Did it help? Any advice on dealing with the school in a firm but effective way? Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.