Withdrawal from Gifted Program

[mik8]

My DD, a 3rd grader, has had on and off "social issues" (mainly not getting along well due to IMO personality clash) with another girl in her gifted program class throughout the school year which is a 2x week pull-out program. Although there has been progress in her interaction with this girl, my DD somehow lost enthusiasm in going to the gifted class which consists of 3 girls, including her, and 4 boys total from her grade. I have a feeling my DD just didn't seem to "click" with this group. These past few weeks, she has strongly verbalized to us that she doesn't want to go to the gifted class anymore citing the main reason as "I just don't want to be pulled out." Her grades are all straight A's so I don't think it's because she can't handle the pull-outs. I am feeling ambivalent about this. Part of me says to just withdraw her while the other part tells me that she should stay. She is very adamant about quitting the program. Any BTDT situation? The school's gifted program is more or less just an enrichment program wherein they learn thematic units. It is not, by any means, a differentiated instruction curriculum. She is our only child and we do provide a ton of extra enrichment with her at home. Any pearls of wisdom for those who have experienced withdrawal from a gifted program? TIA!

[pinkmomagain]

DD1 was in a similar type of pull out gifted program...I didn't think it was any great shakes. It sounds like this is a pretty small group and for some reason the dynamic is not working for your DD. There is a part of me that would want to get a good understanding of why she was so adamant about not staying in it. For constructive purposes, I'd want to gain some insight if there was something in my child's behavior/personality that was preventing the situation from working for her. Since it is such a small group, I'd ask to have a sit down with the instructor and ask her for her honest opinions. Once I got those answers, if I felt like the situation still wouldn't work for my child, I'd pull her without looking back.

[squimp]

I don't have any BTDT with a child, but both DH and I went to those gifted pull-outs as kids and really hated it. I hated being pulled out of my class and they didn't do anything very interesting in the gifted class. My mother either took me out of it or they stopped doing the program, and I survived in spite of that.

So I guess I don't blame your child! Our current school doesn't do pull-outs, they differentiate in the classroom and DH and I prefer that. I would consider letting her drop the program. If it were me, first I would probably talk with your child's classroom teacher or principal about the implications - will she be missing out on other opportunities if she stops going? If there are no big repercussions I would let her stop, or perhaps have her continue through the school year but revisit next year?

[ahisma]

As a kid, I was in a full school gifted program in elementary and later a gifted pull out in a different district. I wouldn't hesitate to drop the pull out if she isn't enjoying it. I'm sure that it varies greatly between schools, but I am quite sure that I gained nothing from the pull out program that I was involved in.

[ha98ed14]

I would let her quit. Sometimes social issues are as important or even more than the academics, esp. for gifted kids. I'm saying this as the wife of a GATE 4th grade teacher. Im not qualified to have an opinion, but I hear about the ups and downs. We also have an only DD and while I have no idea if she is gifted, I know she gets a lot of one on one time with adults and that does a lot to challenge them right there.

Hopefully Beth will chime in. Her older DD is gifted in 5th grade I think. She is very qualified to have an opinion. If she doesn't chime in, I would PM her.

[jess_g]

an you come in and observe her in the gifted class to see what the class is like and what the other kids are like? This will give you some insight into what is going on in the classroom. I have done 3 observations like this before and they have been very enlightening to me. She also may just not likebeeing pulled out and missing thin gs from her regular class. Maybe you could find an after school program for her too.

Jen

[egoldber]

This is a problem with pull out programs. Or with small programs. I would not, personally, have an issue with pulling her out.

But before I did that, I would talk to the instructor and see if he/she has any insight into the dynamic that is occurring. And also to the main teacher. And are there ramifications in other ways, like eligibility for other programs or classes that are conditional on her being in this program.

[hellokitty]

If she hates it, I would let her quit. She is already a good student, find other ways to provide enrichment. I've actually heard that handling a class of gifted kids is really difficult, since many of them have quirks. I can see why that could lead to a class that is not enjoyable for students. If you pull her out it doesn't mean that she's no longer gifted, so I wouldn't worry about it.

[mik8]

DD is trying "really" hard to get along well with this other girl. The school counselor has already intervened and talked to both of them. Problem is, this girl has a very strong personality and while my DD gets along fairly well with other kids for the most part, her internal moral compass is pretty high. One quick example; this girl is not very good at displaying sportsmanship and gets super upset when her team doesn't win and tends to display anger issues at my DD outside the classroom during recess and lunch time. She had pinched my DD several times in the past, twisted her arm (like an Indian Rub) all unprovoked, and scolded my DD for telling her the answer to a homework. After the meeting with the school counselor, things seem to improve quite a bit but I could tell my DD doesn't feel comfortable being with this girl. It means she's going to get stuck being with her too since they remain classmates in the gifted program. Like I said, I think my DD just did not click with the dynamics in this very small group. There's only one other girl in the class and she doesn't get to interact much with her since she's in a different homeroom.

I also have a feeling that my DD may have been "lost" in the shuffling of classes. I have to admit that she is not the most organized person. She goes to a different math class (due to ability grouping), an enrichment program for reading, and the gifted program pull-outs. She's only 8. I have to constantly remind her to do things. Perhaps she needs the consistency of routine by being in a regular homeroom. I just wish there is a self-contained gifted classroom but there's none for our district. Perhaps it is due to "beginning" peer pressure of being a bit "different" due to the pull-outs. I just have a feeling that overall I don't see much spark in her going to the gifted program. There's one boy in her gifted program class she claims who wrote "love notes" to her and that it is disgusting according to her.

I appreciate the responses/comments here. It's good to actually hear from people that gifted program doesn't work for everyone.

[KpbS]

I would ask for a conference with the teacher and encourage your DD to stick it out for this school year. If she still feels strongly about it next year, I would let her quit. If the dynamic this year isn't working well next year might be different/better with different kids.