Does your DH have less interest in DTD

[janine]

Originally Posted by hellokitty

Has he had his thyroid checked? Dh went through a period while I was pregnant with ds2, where he barely had any libido. I remember during that time feeling like i was the guy in the relationship and he was the wife always making excuses. His thyroid was off and once they started to treat his thyroid his libido came back.

I'll ask about this. He has been kind of down lately - some IL drama, back issues, and busy at work. But again this isn't so different from anyone else.

[elbenn]

If he's sleeping 10 hours a day and is still tired, he should probably see a doctor. Whatever is causing him to be so tired, might be the reason he isn't interested in DTD.

[lhafer]

To me, kids aren't an issue when it comes to sex. It's called locking the door for a few private moments. Have I done it? Sure have! I put a show on for the kids, lock the door and get busy. Sometimes that's just the way it is. We have a 2.5yr old and 6 year old. Sometimes they bang on the door - we tell them to go away for a few minutes to give us some privacy. It's part of parenting.

Just because you have kids doesn't mean you stop being a couple or adults. You need alone time together to keep that bond strong. Love and marriage take some work, and that's part of it. We don't get alone time very often, so we have to make do with what we have.

[noodle]

I missed this thread until today. Must start reading Healthy You.

Same boat here.

DH has a checkup soon and I asked him to request that his doc to check his thyroid and testosterone. He didn't ask why, but I suspect he knows.

I'm at a loss currently. I am always the instigator, and I (more frequently than not) get shot down (it's been a very l o n g time). He does it subtly, usually, like saying ok and then "forgetting" or starting and then suddenly wanting to talk. I have -- so far -- kept trying (in an almost embarrassing multitude of ways...), but he is either just not interested or he is not interested in doing it with me. (I have no reason to believe it's the latter; my gut tells me it's not.) But I am tired of the rejection. And I miss sex. A lot.

[niccig]

Same boat here. I gave up initiating years ago, you get turned down so often you just give up. DH comments that I don't try to start anything. Tonight DS is at a slumber party, we shower to go out and I realize the house is empty, no reason to only be in the bedroom. DH says we have to get going for dinner. Fine. He did organize a great night at a comedy club, but now he's on the couch, complaining that his back hurts. I did tell him after he said no, "this is why I don't initiate, you always say no," he said "it's not no, it's just later" and I told him that later never happens. So, we'll see if anything sunk in. I doubt it.

[Globetrotter]

I think this is more common than we think. Men aRe expected to be
Like rabbits so there is a lot of stigma around the issue so we probably don't hear about it much. You don't see them sitting around complaining that their wives are constantly pestering them to dtd and they're fed up of it, but my women friends talk like that. women are expected to have a lower drive. I think it's a problem if the drives don't match up, but at the same time I think dtd is important to promote closeness so it would be bad if both have a lower drive.

dh and I have struggled with this, and it's a real issue. However, after a big fight a few years ago, he started making an effort and things improved a lot. This also coincided with the time he stopped working long hours, so i guess stress was a factor, too. I still feel he has some underlying issue, though perhaps it is psychological, but I cannot imagine Him ever discussing this with our doctor. Would it be weird for me to bring it up with our doctor before his next checkup? I know that is very sneaky but he will never do it on his own.

[niccig]

Well, we just discussed it. I told DH I've given up iniating for years as it hurts when he says no. He told me he didn't mean to hurt my feelings and to not give up. I told him then he had to say yes more often. Even if he just tried to get in the mood would be fine. We had a kid-free house for 18 hours and nothing happened.

[Giantbear]

Originally Posted by niccig

Well, we just discussed it. I told DH I've given up iniating for years as it hurts when he says no. He told me he didn't mean to hurt my feelings and to not give up. I told him then he had to say yes more often. Even if he just tried to get in the mood would be fine. We had a kid-free house for 18 hours and nothing happened.

not sure this will make you feel better, but dd has been at grandma's since yesterday at 5 and i haven't even gotten to first base. I didn't even get a good nights sleep cause now i can't sleep without the noise machine coming through the monitor and it went to grandma's too

[fedoragirl]

I have some extra time today and was just perusing the boards, and OP, I could have written your post. I often tell DH that we would not have had kids if I hadn't "forced" him to DTD. This has always been a point of contention between us. We decided not to DTD before we got married but we had so much sexual chemistry then that it never occurred to me that it would vanish once we were married. I am ashamed to acknowledge how much time has gone past since we DTD. And no, DH is not even missing it. I just can't figure out what the matter is and there is no help since DH won't talk about this to anyone.

[Twin Mom]

A little late to the party but I wanted to ask if any of you have read "The 5 Love Languages"? Maybe if you and your DH would both read the book, your DH would understand that touch (not just DTD) is very important to you and your relationship.