mom in-between care needs advice

[dogmom]

The most important thing is to have an honest conversation with you mom. How does she see this playing out in the future? Next few weeks? Next few months? Next few years? Don't say anything, just listen. You need to find out how off her takes are with reality. I would even offer solutions or point out bad takes on the first go around.

Next thing is to examine your assumptions for the same time ranges. If you haven't done this recently (and I do mean recently because what you could get for help has really changed since COVID) you might be as out of touch as your parent. I'm not trying to be harsh, but if she's driving on a basically flat tire and she's not taking her meds you are past waiting for to give up driving on her own. And she won't if she can't see the issues.

What is her living situation? Is it practical for her to age in place? Is it the best option? You are now racing against the clock of cognitive change for her to move and fully adjust to a new place. Also, read the fine print on Assisted Living places. People assume they will do more for their residents than they can, like most of them cannot have a patient there on hospice care unless you move in or 24 hr care. Most of the families I know with parents in Assisted Living think it's great until they actual need it. Most places are just condos with a few perks.

My MIL moved in with us 5 years ago, 3 years ago we realized we couldn't leave her alone and she was in better shape than your mom sounds. So either a teen stayed behind when we went away or we paid a friend of my 29 yo to stay with her. She COULD manage, if nothing went wrong. And she was still driving perfectly fine. When my husband and I went away we made sure we had insurance that included health issues with family members not on the trip.

[div_0305]

Very very few people have much if any Long term care coverage to enter a facilty. Connect with local agencies, around here it's through the country to see if she qualifies for some home health aids/or what the cost to her would be.

Many will enter a facility on private pay, and then, when they have spent all of their money, apply for Medicaid, around here the ALF and LTC (so Assisted Living and Nursing Homes) take private obviously/insurance if they have it and Medicaid. IF you start off on Private pay and then switch to Medicaid, in our building there is not difference, same rooms, same services etc, just a billing difference. Not everyplace will be like that. Also, the Memory Care places here do not take Medicaid, again it will depend on your area.

I will say, my dad lives in Canada, he lives in a very nice Assisted Living, he has a studio apt, all meals, meds, laundry, cleaning, for 4200 Canadian a month. The more fancy places are closer to 5-6K but those prices are not what I see around the US. Most ALF places here in a LCOL area are between 7-10K a month. Longterm care is almost 10K a month.

That's great to know about Canada. I don't understand the insane costs in the US. I want to move abroad for retirement!

[Globetrotter]

Look into a pill machine if her cognitive decline isn't severe. My mom has been using one by Hero Company (looks sort of like a coffee maker, holds up to 10 meds, you can monitor it remotely by app and it's very user friendly for elderly patients with dementia). It was a life saver for us when she began to be unable to manage her own meds.

She also has in home care that comes in and helps her clean, cook, do laundry etc. and it's not super expensive ($30 an hour in a mid-cost state). Hers isn't covered by insurance but your situation may be different, but it's been within her means and well worth it to keep her independent in her home. They drive her car and take her on errands, to appointments etc. and it gives her the autonomy she desires while keeping her safe. She hasn't been able to drive for a couple of years now and that was a crushing blow to her but this made all the difference. It also made a huge difference to me in terms of managing her care from a 3-hour driving distance. I had been running up and back there all the time and now I can go once a month or for key appointments and just stay in touch by phone otherwise. Game changer.

WOW. That pill dispenser looks interesting. I finally forced my mom to use a pillbox, but at some point this could be handy.

[mom2binsd]

For pills many of my patients are now using Pill Pack pre packaged medication when they return home. Pills come already in small individual pouches, clearly marked with date and time, so Thurs Sept 21, Morning etc. They come in a box and the packs are pulled out easily like a tape dispenser. Many pharmacies offer it. Very reliable and helpful.

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[Dayzy]

I would start with speaking with people in your area who can assist with the legal and financial issues with aging. My county has an office for the aging to get people started on the right path. We also got in touch with an elder care lawyer. It was evident that my mother could not live in her home any longer so we found a very nice apartment complex for seniors only which included one meal per day in the large dining room and activities. As the decline worsened we were able to get her an aide to help with the day to day things. The lawyer helped get the financial end set up for us.

[hillview]

Look into a pill machine if her cognitive decline isn't severe. My mom has been using one by Hero Company (looks sort of like a coffee maker, holds up to 10 meds, you can monitor it remotely by app and it's very user friendly for elderly patients with dementia). It was a life saver for us when she began to be unable to manage her own meds.

She also has in home care that comes in and helps her clean, cook, do laundry etc. and it's not super expensive ($30 an hour in a mid-cost state). Hers isn't covered by insurance but your situation may be different, but it's been within her means and well worth it to keep her independent in her home. They drive her car and take her on errands, to appointments etc. and it gives her the autonomy she desires while keeping her safe. She hasn't been able to drive for a couple of years now and that was a crushing blow to her but this made all the difference. It also made a huge difference to me in terms of managing her care from a 3-hour driving distance. I had been running up and back there all the time and now I can go once a month or for key appointments and just stay in touch by phone otherwise. Game changer.

I just wanted to say thank you for the hero recommendation. We are on day 3 and it seems awesome thank you. Huge piece of mind and huge self sufficiency for her (and me).

[dogmom]

I just wanted to say thank you for the hero recommendation. We are on day 3 and it seems awesome thank you. Huge piece of mind and huge self sufficiency for her (and me).

I had a friend with an earlier model of this type of machine. It worked great for a while. She lived next door in a two family, but she still worked and needed to make sure her mom took her pills when she was at work. The she came home one day to find the pill machine on the kitchen table with her mother sitting there with a place setting with her mother hungry and cranky. She thought it was the slow cooker and waiting for it to be done with dinner. The following week she found it in the basement because it wouldn’t stop beeping at her mother to take him medication so she put it in the basement. Then she found a stash of the pills someplace that were dispensed, but not taken. Moral of the story, trust, but validate. Also, make sure those medications get reviewed and have an honest conversation about what they are for along with can you get rid of any of them.

[hillview]

I had a friend with an earlier model of this type of machine. It worked great for a while. She lived next door in a two family, but she still worked and needed to make sure her mom took her pills when she was at work. The she came home one day to find the pill machine on the kitchen table with her mother sitting there with a place setting with her mother hungry and cranky. She thought it was the slow cooker and waiting for it to be done with dinner. The following week she found it in the basement because it wouldn’t stop beeping at her mother to take him medication so she put it in the basement. Then she found a stash of the pills someplace that were dispensed, but not taken. Moral of the story, trust, but validate. Also, make sure those medications get reviewed and have an honest conversation about what they are for along with can you get rid of any of them.

thanks I live close so do check in often. I do think (and spoke with her doctor) that she is over prescribed in some medication. We will work to see if she can step down ... thanks!