(Long) Need some sympathy and encouragement about being a "bad" mother

[mudder17]

I've finally calmed down enough to write about this:

Waaah! DD had her first accident and it was all my fault! :( :( :(

I was changing her on the waist high changing table and I reached down to drop her diapers into the pail. My other hand was slightly on her body and my body was in front of the table but twisted because I was bend over sideways. Suddenly I felt her twist and I stood up instinctively put my knee forward which sort of slowed her down as she rolled off the table and hit the ground flat on her back. Her head and back hit the floor at the same time and she looked stunned before she started whimpering. The whimpering quickly turned into a growing wail! I scooped her up and immediately started comforting her and just held her as she cried. :( Actually, I'm not sure who was crying more--she or I.

She eventually stopped crying but she was still unhappy so I nursed her for a while, but after she finished, she started crying and wouldn't stop no matter what we did. So I called my pediatrician and they had us come in. As soon as the car left the driveway, she stopped crying and held onto her toys, but didn't bring them up to her mouth as usual. I sat in the back to soothe her as needed, but then she started falling asleep. I was somewhat panicked because I knew when someone gets a concussion, they shouldn't fall asleep. But I also knew that it was past her naptime, so it was natural for her to be sleepy, and part of the crying was probably overtiredness.

Anyway, we got to the pede's office and long story short, she's just fine, but shaken up. The pede said that she would probably be achy, so give her Tyelenol and a hot bath as soon as we get home and then put her down for her nap. At first when we put her in the bath, she protested, but then as the warmth seeped in, she started relaxing and even smiled and played with the water. She actually didn't want to come out of the bath! She went down for her nap and slept for 2.5 hours before we decided to wake her. She played for an hour with her new toy (LeapStart Table) and then we put her to bed. She was definitely overtired, and we probably should have put her to bed for the night sooner, since her bedtime is shortly after the time we woke her from the nap, but her sleep schedule these last two days have been messed up, so oh well.

Anyway, she's sleeping well now, but I feel so horrible! I've been so sleep deprived lately that I know it was inattention that led to the accident--for one, I should have put the strap on the changing pad. But she was already becoming pretty tired at that point and I was in a hurry to get her down for her nap that I just forgot to do it. :(

I'm very thankful to God that she was not hurt more seriously. I really think that He somehow cushioned her fall because when she hit the tile floor, it reminded me very much of someone falling properly onto an exercise mat during a martial arts exercise. I'm thankful that this will now be a learning experience for both DH (since he told me he doesn't always remember to put the strap on) and me. In fact, the changing pad is now on the floor next to the diaper station. It's not as convenient, but it's far, far safer!

Thanks for letting me get this off of my chest. I'm still tearing up as I write this, but I also feel a little better.

Eileen

Mother of Beautiful Kaya
born 22 February 2004

http://lilypie.com/baby1/050222/2/16/0/+10/.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbo..._garnet_6m.gif Breastfed 6 months and counting

http://www.chemicalgraphics.com/kaya

[redhookmom]

Eileen,
I am glad to hear that Kaya is ok. Luckily the bodies and hearts of our little ones are strong and forgiving!

[Melanie]

I'm so sorry! I had a similiar 'bad mother' moment. Ds fell off of our bed. It happens to us all I think.

You might want to have her checked out by a chiropractor, though. Those falls can mess up their spinal alignment. I know it did for Ds.

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbo...pphire_24m.gif
http://lilypie.com/baby3/011106/1/2/0/-8/.png

[brigmaman]

Eileen, I'm so sorry this happened. It's so scary when babies fall, especially when you're worried about head injury. Kaya is fine, thank goodness.
Don't ever call yourself a "bad" mom. Nobody does EVERYTHING correctly.
I've actually learned a ton from you on the CDing boards- you sound like a wonderful mom!
Have a better day tomorrow!

[new_mommy25]

Yikes Eileen. That's scary! I know how you must feel but don't beat yourself up. it happens to the best of us.

This picture may help you feel better. DS and I were at the park the other day and he was chasing a ball. He tried to walk across the sidewalk but tripped because it's higher than the grass and fell face forward. I was right behind him but didn't catch him in time. The sound of his head hitting the concrete made me sick to my stomache. I've been feeling horrible about it ever since and haven't taken him back to the park yet. The picture looks really bad and I was so scared he'd have a big shiner. Luckily it all faded except for a little scratch on the nose.
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/12280.jpg

You're a great mom simply for being so concerned about this! Believe me, I've watched Nate have his share of spills, many of which I could have prevented had I been more vigilant! The wonderful thing about children is that they are pretty resilient!

[mudder17]

Thanks Angie, I needed that! Not because of the bruise, but because seeing a picture of your DS just made me feel better. :)

Eileen

Mother of Beautiful Kaya
born 22 February 2004

http://lilypie.com/baby1/050222/2/16/0/+10/.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbo..._garnet_6m.gif Breastfed 6 months and counting

http://www.chemicalgraphics.com/kaya

[jd11365]

Welcome to the club! I'm going out on a limb here, but I'd say there are more than less of us who have had something like this happen... It all, as my mother says, "Comes with the dinner." Or, to say, it's part of being a mom. I'm soooooo sorry this happened to you. I know how horrible that can be and so sorry for how frightened and upset you were...so terrifying! I'm just so glad little Kaya is ok.

Jamie
Mommy to Kayla
May '03

[mudder17]

Thanks everyone. Although I only got < 3 hours of sleep last night (but I had a 2 hour nap yesterday with DD), I feel much better about things. Especially because DD had some fun this morning and then went down very easily for her morning nap. Unfortunately, I have to be away from her today :( but I'm leaving her with DH, so I know she'll be just fine. :)

Thanks again for sharing. While I intellectually know that it was just an accident that could have happened to everyone and I also know that she is very forgiving and resilient, it still is like a knife in the heart to know that you inadvertently allowed this to happen, KWIM?

Eileen

Mother of Beautiful Kaya
born 22 February 2004

http://lilypie.com/baby1/050222/2/16/0/+10/.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbo..._garnet_6m.gif Breastfed 6 months and counting

http://www.chemicalgraphics.com/kaya

[jbowman]

Hugs to you, Eileen!

I posted about an accident that we had last week. I totally understand how you feel! You are obviously a very caring mom!

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...ng_type=search