helping toddler cope with being around TONS of relatives?

[LucyG]

We are going to my IL's for Christmas, and my DH has four siblings. Between all of those people, and various other aunts, uncles and cousins, DD will be around a lot more people than usual. They will all want to hold her and play with her, which I know is natural (and I'm not bothered by that at all). She plays a lot by herself these days (by her choice), and is really a low-key kind of toddler. Is there anything I can do to help her cope with the onslaught of relatives other than to be available to her as a "safe place" and to make sure she gets her naps and meals as regularly as possible? In the past, when we've been around so many people, she has tended to get overwhelmed.


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22 months and counting!

My DS is the same way. We went to visit relatives a couple of weeks ago for Hanukkah, and basically they are all strangers to him. He only sees them once or twice a year. Anyway, in the middle of the big party he was obviously overstimulated and a bit tired, so I put him back in the crib. (MIL has one at her house) He slept the rest of the night! Everyone was a bit "miffed" that they didn't get to spend time with him, but I feel like he needed that alone time. Your daughter will definitely let you know, and I would try to have a place for her to go. And try to make sure that you or your husband are close by, I think it makes them feel more secure to see someone they really know.

Jonah does pretty well with other people, and was OK with the holding and hugging and random kisses...for awhile. Just know when enough is enough and I think she will be OK.

Oh, and bring some favorite toys for her, or maybe something new. That will help keep her entertained and distracted from the other things she is not supposed to touch, LOL!

Have fun! Aren't the holidays so FUN?! LOL LOL

I am getting very worried about this also.. so I look forward to seeing more replies. Unlike you though, I do start getting pretty mad when I see dd is getting overstimulated.. even when I tell my relatives to BACK OFF, they just laugh and don't listen. Ticks me off!!! I hope she naps.. we are going a day ahead, before the other relatives arrive, so she can familiarize herself with the place and the PackNPlay.

Good luck! Hope it goes well!

[Momof3Labs]

I find that it helps a lot to arrive first, rather than walking into a houseful of people. If I see Colin getting overwhelmed (which he used to do, but he's much better now), I move him to a quieter area of the house, or even take him out for a walk or quick car ride.

Though your DD is getting to the age where she may really like being around kids her age or a bit older (perhaps her cousins?) so that might make it more enjoyable for her. Colin has ZERO family members his age, so his holidays are always full of teenagers, adults, and him!

DH has a big family. With 60+ family around, I'm the one who tends to get overwhelmed at family gatherings! :)

We generally arrive just before lunch, then leave when naptime arrives. If that means we stay for under 2 hours, then so-be-it. DH and I agree that when one of us calls it a day, we just go home.

Since there are many small children at these gatherings, we don't bring personal toys along. When we meet with my family there are fewer children so we take toys along like Mr. Potato Head, blocks, puzzles, etc.

In the past, I've nursed the little ones in his folk's bedroom or guest room. (Not all family members agree with nursing a 3.5 yo!) Guess I've also nursed or sought refuge in the van a time or two. Just depends on the weather and my tolerance level.

DH and I offer each other a high-five when we finally make it home again. :)

gina, mom to 3
new baby due 5/05

This happens to us with the ILs. DH has 4 siblings, all married, most have kids who love baby Anna. Anna is shy to begin with and not used to so many people so she gets overwhelmed.

It definitely helps to arrive first. I claim a room for her to sleep/nap in---it becomes her room. I bring the stuffed animals and blanket that is always in her crib and her favorite books so she has some things that are familiar to her. I also bring a nightlight. I try to set the room up to be cozy and comfy. I usually wisk her away into that room for diaper changes rather than doing them in the living room or somewhere else. It gives her a little periodic breather from the crowd.

When it's time for a nap or she's getting overstimulated, I just take her away into her "room" and no one is allowed to come with us. Yes, I am the bitch of the family in that regard. I just put my foot down and that's the way it is. My SILs think I'm really anal about the naps, but I don't care. I do let Anna stay up a little later than usual at night if she seems to be having a good time. Other than that, she knows to come find me or DH when she's had enough and needs a hug. At least with a mobile toddler, they will come find you if they need you to "save" them (just make sure they can easily find you).

Cindy and Anna February 2003