When do they learn to play nice?

[juliasmom05]

I know (or at least think) that DD, who is 9 months, is probably too young to be worried about this, but I am just curious. The last couple of times we have dropped Julia off at daycare, we have put her down on the floor with her own toy in front of her. Inevitably, she tries to take away everyone else's toys even if she likes the toy that she has in front of her. I asked the daycare worker if they all did this at this age. She replied yes and then added, " but Julia always wins and gets the toys". Am I raising a bully or are all DC like this at this age?

Marci

Mom to Julia 4/05

[sarahsthreads]

Um, if you're raising a bully then I am too! I hope it's just an age thing, or we're going to be getting calls from her kindergarten teacher...

Seriously, though, it is starting to get *slightly* better lately, with many, many repetitions of how important it is to share and not take toys away, and with me (or whatever other moms are around) redirecting to another toy when one or another child starts getting grabby. But Carrie's in the "always gets the toys" camp if there isn't parental intervention.

We have a long way to go, though. I'm pretty sure it's just that until they realize that they aren't the center of the universe - which I've read doesn't happen until they're closer to school age - everything by extension must belong to them. At least Carrie doesn't hit, bite or push to get to the toy...yet, anyway.

Sarah :)

[juliasmom05]

Sarah, it's nice to know that Julia isn't the only one and that it is probably an age thing. She isn't around other DC when she is at home, only in daycare, so I guess I feel that I have not real control over the situation. So hopefully they are not letting her "always get the toys".

Julia doesn't hit, bite or push, but she does pull hair. Something we are trying to work on :-).

Thanks

Marci

Mom to Julia 4/05

[californiagirl]

They're not ALL like that -- at DD's daycare one of them sat angelicly still while mine and another child stole her toys. But I'd say about 50% of them are, and their success ratio tends to have more to do with speed and persistence than with desire (I don't think the ones who try but lose WANT the toys less -- I just think they're either slower at motor skills or not as persistent). Oh, and in my DD's case her success ratio is definitely upped by her strong, silent approach. She just dashes up and rips a toy away. Other kids scream first and then try to get the toy, thus attracting attention before the fact. DD can get halfway across the room before the other kid screams and somebody turns around, and if you don't keep a close eye on her, the other kid ends up getting in trouble when he tries to steal it back!

At 22 months, DD no longer has to have a toy just because somebody else has it. She still will try to take it away if she really wants it, though, although she understands she's not allowed to and will stop and she does not usually resort to force. At 13 months she was still doing things like grabbing hair to get better leverage to take a toy away (she didn't mean it to hurt...). DH asked her daycare provider once if this was normal, and she said "Oh yes. The real issue is that we have a lot of kids the same age so they all do it, and 2 of them are screamers. If she'd just steal toys from P all the time, life would be better, but no, she has to take them from L, and he makes a noise like a steam-whistle every time! Don't worry, she'll learn."

[muskiesusan]

hmmm, some days with my 4 yo I wonder if they ever really learn to play nice....

But, in regards to your question, I think that is totally age appropriate behavior.

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04