WWYD: odd friend situation

[SpaceGal]

I'm not sure what to do. Personally I feel I can continue as I am but other friends of mine make me feel like I'm supposed to do something. This is kind of a long story but I'll sum it up as best possible.

I used to work at this place (which I quit to be a SAHM), and there was this really nice girl that worked with me. She was a really sweetie. Great person and super kind. Well when I started working, she kind of sniffed out that I was pregnant, I wasn't ready to tell anyone at the moment since I had just started working there. Wells he promised to keep quiet and what not and was a good friend about it. Now while I was working at this place, there were two other guys that we are both friends with, one of them also quit and moved on to a new place. One still works there and is in touch with her a lot day to day.

My relationship with this girl was great but it started getting weird. Once she found out I was pregnant, she constantly kept buying me and the baby new presents. Bringing me gifts/things constantly. To the point where I felt odd...like it was too much. The first thing she did was make me a baby basket with little things for the baby. Very cute I was very touched. Then when we would talk about baby things she would sometimes run out and get those things...nothing too big but kind of like it just got excessive. I know she was excited about the baby but it just was a lot and I started to feel like I owed her something. Anywho, when it came time for a baby shower, she arranged the office party...and then attended my baby shower...which I felt like was a lot. Now not to judge her, but in the meantime she constantly would talk to me about her financial situation not being great and how she was always scrapping by paycheck to paycheck. In her eyes, and she even would say it that I was wealthy, and I was not. I mean we're doing fine and we have a nice house what not but you know I don't judge people by what they make or do or how they live as long as they are good people. Well I would tell her she doesn't need to keep bringing us gifts for the baby and what not...she still did. Even when the baby arrived, she would never ever come empty handed, she would buy new clothes, diapers and toys. It just got to be weird. Mind you she would never let me buy her lunch or just spot her when she was short of cash or anything so I felt like it was so one-sided if you know what I mean. She would joke how her husband would tell her to stop shopping for things and all that so I sorta started feeling bad. She even picked up a second job and what not.

So once I left the company and stayed home we saw each other once in a while. She never called me much but when I would call her she would say things like we should get together and what not. I told her I'm always around, since I'm a SAHM call me on your day off or when you have a free weekend. She never called and the few times we would meet up she either flaked out or she would insist on paying for everything saying how I don't work so I can't afford it...but she can afford it because she works two jobs...huh how's that work? Anywho, now I just stop talking to her altogether. She did email me like a few months ago because my old boss asked her to see if I wanted my job back but I am pregnant again so now I won't be working. I didn't tell "my friend" I am pregannt again because I felt it kind of dumb to tell her and I don't want to be oh I just tell you so you can buy me stuff and what not. It just felt like she had "class" issues like she being "trailer park" as she would say and I was "rich". Not to mention that she was always cautious around me because I was the first person she ever met that was ethnic and she is american. I never cared...about any of those things but I can tell it bothered her. DH would tell me it shouldn't be so hard to be friends and that she should feel like she has to be so spendy to impress me because we're not snobs. Yeah we may have a nice house but so what.

Anywho, my friendship with the guys are fine. I see the one that quit fairly often and we have a good relationship, he comes and helps out around the house and hangs out with my family, plays golf with DH and what not. A real nice guy. The other guy I don't see very often but we are in touch here and there. Now both of them constantly will ask if I've spoke to her but I say no...I haven't run into her and I don't call her or e-mail her. She doesn't email or call me you know. But then today my friend that still works and talk to her a lot, tells me I should tell her I'm pregnant. And I feel loddly guilty....why should I tell her for especially since I don't talk to her.

So now I feel like odd...like I don't feel like I need to talk to her and go hey there guess what I'm pregnant we should hang out. I feel like so let bygones be bygones...maybe we're just different so let it be...you go your way I'll go mine. No hard feelings. What woud you do?

[crl]

If I didn't particularly want to stay in touch, I would not make a special effort to announce the pregnancy to her. I guess I don't see the point. Just my opinion though.

[ShanaMama]

ITA. If you meet her somewhere, or she finds out thru the grapevine, you can leave it as 'I never told you becasue we weren't in touch at the time' and that's that. Especially since she acted so strangely last time, I wouldn't go out of my way to reinstate the friendship.

I'd probably let our mutual friend "let it slip" if it comes up. No reason to make a special announcement.



Sue, mommy to Aurora (Rory) born 5/13/04