When will I be in the mood for nooky again?

[MartiesMom2B]

I'm posting in the MommyFit forum in the hopes that none of the guys ever look in this forum. Sorry guys, but I think this is best for the ladies to handle.

Anyhow, DH said those words to me the other night. You know something along the lines, that he's waited long enough. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't a jerk about it, but I'm just not in the mood for romance. I think its funny especially b/c I was so randy during the pregnancy and he kept saying no. Now the tables have turned.

We have tried once, but it was painful and I think I've been avoiding it since. I don't know if its due to the pain or the fact that I feel like an orca whale or that I'm tired from mommy-ing all day. Any tips? I swore I wouldn't be one of those women who has no interest in sex, but now I am. I will get in the mood again, right?

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

yes -- it took me a while and it was uncomfortable at first (my ob said it had something to do with hormone levels, particularly when i was breastfeeding). but it got better and i definitely got more interested. i think things really started to improve around 4 1/2 months after she was born. and i wasn't interested AT ALL during my preg, so my husband was REALLY patient. my daughter is 6 mos now and our sex life is back to normal.

good luck!

Oh Sonia - I hear you sister! It's so hard to meet the demands of this small person, your own demands, and then that of a lover. Good grief - a body can only do so much!:)

The first few times were very painful (and I was trying to remember that I had healed down there and wouldn't split back open:)). Your hormones are all wonky right now, so make sure to have some type of lubricant (Astroglide is great). Also, I can't remember but if you're breastfeeding, that dries you up, not to mention completely diminished ALL erotic feeling in that area (for me).

The good news? You will feel randy again:). Granted, I didn't feel like my breasts were anything more than functional until we weaned (and even then it took a couple months). I am now back to feeling like they ARE sexy again, however deflated.

If I had ANY inkling of intimacy, I didn't let DH know right away. Rather, I worked at it mentally. I need a LOT more time to warm up. Pamper yourself. Do your make-up. Pick out new lingerie. Light candles. Then, when you present yourself to DH and he realizes what's in store, you're already feeling pretty good about yourself, and then let nature's instincts take their course.

That's what I did, and it has served us well. And I should add that being well-rested is a huge plus. I told DH from the beginning that if we didn't "start" before about 9:30, then it was a no-go for the night, since by about 10 I'm looking at the clock thinking, "Sex or Sleep? Sleep, of course!"

Good luck!

(Sheepish grin) Obviously I lurk in MommyFit, but dare I post about exercise? Ah well, I suppose this topic counts... if it was happening 5 times a week? Hmm...;)

[JulieL]

Well since I had a c-section I wasn't tender or pulled out in that area. I heard doing kegel exercises is sappose to help with that oh so good feeling! Honestly (we are being frank right?) I can achieve orgasim much better than before I was pregnant. Although getting to it was the hard part. Being so tired, thinking about a messy home needing to be cleaned, oh yah and making dinner (maybe) is ssssoooo much. Truthfully we only get hanky panky about 2 to 3 times a week, which I think is pretty good, but it's no 5 times (mamahill you are crazy!!!-but hopefully fun!) Plus who has time for making a romantic mood (candles, or ligurie) I don't! It's more like are you in the mood, ya, then bam! Tell him to woe you so you feel more like it. Not necessarly foreplay, but flowers, back rubs, and so on. I need more to be put in the mood and to clear my mind!!! I bet the need comes back!

Oh, Sonia! I'm right there with you. DD was born 12 days after your Martie and my DH is just the same as your DH, the same attitudes and everything. My DH isn't a jerk about it, he's been very patient, as I wasn't in the mood at all during my pregnancy---but his patience is wearing thin, since he feels like it's been a year since things were "normal". Actually, I guess it has been about a year!! Yikes!

Like you, we tried once, it was painful---but not as painful as I thought it would be. Lubrication helped but I swear, I don't think I'm the "same" anymore, could I still be healing? I felt like I got a reprieve as DH felt so badly for me, and hasn't brought it up since. I'm hopeful that things will eventually get back to normal.

I also feel like I'm tired from mommy-ing all day. I think if we had the time to do all the romance, I might find it more appealing, but give me the choice of romance or sleep and I'd definitely choose the later.

So, I don't have an answer for you, but I'm so glad you posted this, I feel much better to know I'm not alone.

Jeannie
mommy to Kiki 4/18/03

You need to make a date with DH and yourself too! Do you have someone who can look after martie (hopefully at their house)for 6-8 hours? I would start with a nap then a long hot bath followed by a manicure/pedicure then get dressed up for an evening out/dinner with DH. It'll probably make you feel a lot more human and not so mommyish. You need to make time for yourself without your child so that you are still you and don't see yourself as an extension of Martie. You will be sooooo surprised and maybe even a little bit guilty at how pleasant and relaxing it is to go out without the little one. Make dinner around 6pm so that if you do feel up to it, it won't be too late in the evening for fun. A lot of times, my DH asks after 10 or 11 pm and the shop is closed for the day! LOL! :) When given the choice, sleep usually wins, but sometimes I fall for the line "you'll sleep better afterwards..." Even if you and DH don't fool around, you'll be better off having taken some time for yourself! Good luck!


Rose
mom 2 Katie (31 months)
& Jack (15 months)

[JulieL]

Oh I am so laughing while I read all of your experiances because I sssoooo am there too. I completely get the sex or sleep, sex or sleep, sex or sleep, SLEEP!!! And my "shop" is also closed after 10:00, although sometimes that is the only time we can get it in, isn't that aweful! Ok I do have confession for just you gals. I count how many times it's been for the week and make sure it's been twice even if I am not totally up to it, because I too feel guilty for DH to go w/out. I love making love to my DH but too much gets in the way!!!

[candybomiller]

Sonia,

Boy do I remember being where you are! My best advice: Get as drunk as you possibly can! I am (slightly) joking. Have a glass of wine or something along those lines to help you relax. It'll help a lot!

Candy
Mom to Matt
5/22/02

You guys are way too funny. But I must say you all offer late night shopping compared to me!!! No nooky after 8pm. Too tired. I have found that before dinner is the only way. Afternoons are even better. Not that I have a lot to go by-My few "shopping" sessions are hardly anything like the sprees that mamahill is having.
My landscaping has definately changed which is really weird to get used to-but it is definately less painful than the first time. However, it helped immensely that on the night of our anniversary my MIL took DS to her house. We had a glass of wine that we brought back from our honeymoon-totally relaxed and had nooky as our appetizer so to speak. Then a fabulous dinner that we cooked together. Early in the evening, no baby to worry about interrupting-made it that much easier and less nerve racking.
Don't stress it-
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03