Gift/money etiquette question

[american_mama]

What do you do when you think (or know) that someone has contributed disproportionately to a group gift for you? It happened this weekend at my baby shower. Or when you receive a check as a gift and think that it's too much? I remember that situation from my wedding. Is there anything to do?

My sister had a baby shower for me this weekend and most people contributed towards a group gift of a short-term housecleaning service. My sister coordinated, so I don't know how much anyone gave, but my sister mentioned that my neighbor had been "very generous." I am wondering what that means... $50? $75? $100? Yikes. I suspect most other people gave $30 or so. That's what I would have done.

It makes me uncomfortable to think of one person contributing so much to the gift. I realize others may think the giver did what they wanted, and I hope that's the case. But I worry that it's not. Any advice?

[lisams]

I think all you can do is graciously accept their generosity and follow up with words of appreciation. It makes people feel good to give, and some people are able to give more than others.

Enjoy the housecleaning service, that sounds heavenly!

[AbbysMom]

I've very recently begun to have the attitude, especially with relatives, that what others give you is a reflection on what they can give and I'm trying to make sure I base my gifts on what I can give (and not try to equal their gift). So if someone gives me a disproportionate gift, I just take it that they have a bigger budget. if I had a bigger budget, I'd give that amount too. So no worries if I don't.
I do understand your concern when it comes to group gifts that one person is sometimes left holding the bag if the rest of the group has contributed too little. But usually that falls to the person collecting the money which would be your sister so I would assume that was not the case here.

[Wife_and_mommy]

Originally Posted by AbbysMom

I've very recently begun to have the attitude, especially with relatives, that what others give you is a reflection on what they can give and I'm trying to make sure I base my gifts on what I can give (and not try to equal their gift). So if someone gives me a disproportionate gift, I just take it that they have a bigger budget. if I had a bigger budget, I'd give that amount too. So no worries if I don't.
I do understand your concern when it comes to group gifts that one person is sometimes left holding the bag if the rest of the group has contributed too little. But usually that falls to the person collecting the money which would be your sister so I would assume that was not the case here.

Don't sweat it and try to enjoy the blessing.

[KBecks]

Don't worry about it. It's not your responsibility for what people gave you. Just thank the givers and enjoy.

[tmarie]

I agree with PPs. When I had dd I was struck by how generous some people were, even people who didn't know us well. For example, the wife of one of my dh's colleagues, who we don't even know, sent us a $100 gift from Tiffany's. Everyone has a different sense of what is appropriate to spend. I am totally guilty of overbuying/spending when it comes to baby shower gifts. It shouldn't make you uncomfortable. I'm sure your generous neighbor didn't give more than she could afford or is comfortable with. Enjoy the cleaning service...that is a fabulous gift!

Tmarie
dd#1 5/05
dd#2 7/08

[lizajane]

there is no reason to feel guilty about a gift that someone choose to give. they knew that you wouldn't know the amount of their gift, yet they choose to be generous on their own. i would thank them the same way you thank everyone else who contributed. with gratitude!

seriously- i really enjoy giving gifts and helping others. when i have more than someone else, i am really overjoyed to do what i can. i am sure it brought your neighbor joy, so just let them be happy to do something for you!!

[JillSP]

Accept the gift graciously and pay it forward.

[american_mama]

Thanks for the perspective, guys. I come from a family that shares a low key approach to gift-giving, which makes for common agreement about what is done at Christmases, birthdays, etc. When someone splurges, you know they really wanted to and it's easy to accept. It's harder with someone outside of family, but I'll try to take the same attitude towards my neighbor.