FIL does it again!

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

I mean seriously, this is crazy! FIL totally forgot DD's birthday last year and guess what? He forgot again this year! It just makes me crazy! He still has only seen her once in her life. It is just so frustrating! He's her grandfather for goodness sake! I am really about the tell him what I think but I know that isn't constructive. Any suggestions are welcome because really, if there is something I can do, I want to do it, kwim? It's not fair to DD that he is like this...

[ellies mom]

The only suggestion I have is to try and let it go. Yes, I know it is easier said than done. Yes, I know it hurts to see your child blown off. Yes, I know that it is really jacked up and infuriating. I know all of this through experience because my MIL does the same thing. She has acknowledged exactly one of DD1's birthday out of four, has ignored DH and my birthdays for the last several and completely blew off all of us for Christmas this year. So I finally decided that the anger I was feeling toward her was only hurting me. I can't change her. I can't make her see what she is missing out on. I can't do anything other than control my reaction. I'm not saying I'm good at it, not by any stretch of the imagination but I'm trying.

Just remember, ultimately, it is your FIL's loss. He is the one missing out.

[Mommy Of A Little Angel]

Yeah, I understand what you are saying and I get it. I know in my heart this is what I need to do. It still hurts every time. Part of me though, wishes someone would call him out on his selfish ways. (This is just the tip of the iceberg!) I know I need to take the higher road and just let it go. My DD doesn't need mommy being angry and resentful towards anyone.

[ShanaMama]

Originally Posted by Mommy Of A Little Angel

Yeah, I understand what you are saying and I get it. I know in my heart this is what I need to do. It still hurts every time. Part of me though, wishes someone would call him out on his selfish ways. (This is just the tip of the iceberg!) I know I need to take the higher road and just let it go. My DD doesn't need mommy being angry and resentful towards anyone.

I'm not going to be too sympathetic either, but I think your previous comment is right on the $$. Keep in mind that DD's impression of FIL will be shaped by your comments about and interactions with him. I can think of several relatives about whom I always thought poorly because of my mother's poor relationships with them. Now that I'm an adult I've been able to form my own relationships on my own terms. While I understand why my mom felt the way she did about them, I wish I hadn't been 'indoctrinated' against them my entire childhood.

[Ceepa]

You're taking this personally because it's your DD, but realize that your FIL's behavior is all about him and the choices he makes, not about snubbing DD. Surround her with those (family or not) who take a loving interest in her and all will be OK.

[MMEand1]

If your DD has no relationship with your FIL, then she really is not missing anything. It's not like they were close and now he does not call or come by, you know?

My DS's Godfather has NEVER called, sent a card, gift, etc, and has seen him (maybe) once! Needless to say, my son has no idea who he is and we don't even talk about him (fortunatly we have appointed someone else to be his gardian in the event that something should happen to us). My DS is not upset about not knowing his GF because it has been a non-issue. When my DS was born, his GF was so excited, but never took a role in his life, so we just kind of think of it as a joke at this point.

Good luck and don't let it bother you. If that is the way your FIL wants to be, then your DD is probably better off not even knowing him!

Mariah P.