Need help: Coping with Massive Fatigue and 3.5 yo

[ThreeofUs]

I really need some help, otherwise this would be posted in the bitching section. I'm at 33 weeks and I constantly feel like I'm right on the edge of my energy, and it doesn't take much for me to need to sit or lie down. I feel like I'm always making the choice between resting and eating/ cleaning/ talking/ etc.

Of course, I'm not sleeping well either. I got so bad last week when DH was gone for a couple of days that I literally forgot to eat - I was just walking around in a haze, trying my best to keep up with DS.

I have help - a babysitter comes to run around with DS in the mornings. I don't think it's a health problem - my blood sugars are fine and I eat a very healthy diet. I just don't know what to do about being so extremely tired, and I don't remember this from my last pregnancy (maybe because I was too tired to remember? ).

Any thoughts? Any strategies for getting more energy - or even surviving these last weeks without sleepwalking?

Any ideas would be most appreciated.

[smzapalac]

I was in the same boat as you. Energetic DC #1 and baby #2 sucking the life out of me. I am glad to read that you have a babysitter helping out in the AM. I would recommend contacting your OB and see if there is anything you can take to help you sleep at night. Also, put the smack down on your DH and tell him NO MORE TRIPS until post-baby. You can't do all this yourself and you need the support of your DH right now. If you haven't done so already, and you are financially able to, hire help to clean your home, mow the grass, get groceries delivered, etc. Take some of the legwork out of your day so you can rest and know that things are still getting taken care of. These were all things I did and they helpmed me cope with all the insanity of having a child and dealing with another baby on the way. I hope this helps. Now stop reading and get off the interent and get some rest ;-) Good luck to you.

[sidmand]

I was much more tired toward the end with DD than I was with DS. I think it was worse because I didn't expect it at all.

DH got laid off when I was about 7-8 months pregnant. At the time it seemed horrible--being laid off when I was about to give birth! But it turned out to be the best thing ever since I was so tired. He was able to reconnect with DS and to take him out so I could just rest and sleep.

I'm not suggesting that every DH get laid off because that can just add stress, but perhaps he could come home early once in awhile to give you another break? It's great to have a sitter in the a.m., but you also probably need something in the afternoon to at least have some rest time for yourself. I say get as much time off now as you can and if the sitter can come for longer once in awhile, do that too. We did end up with a lot more TV than I like, but sometimes having the Backyardigans on a loop works well for Mommy!

I think it is totally normal though. Perhaps Benadryl to help you sleep at night though? Maybe that would help a bit with the fatigue?

[Java]

Have you checked your iron levels? My OB said low iron levels could be a reason for the fatigue.

I'm 35 weeks with a 4.5 yo DS and a 2 yo DD with no help. DS doesn't nap anymore so I can't even catch up on my zzz'z during the day. To say that I'm exhausted is an understatement.

If you can nap while your DS naps, that would help a lot. I've managed to convince DS to nap a few times and that 90 minutes really does help. I've let a lot of stuff go until DH can come home to help. Like laundry, cleaning up toys, etc. I do most of the hard stuff in the morning while I still have energy like grocery shopping, taking the kids to the library, stuff that requires travel. I also prep for dinner either in the morning or just after lunch so I don't have to deal with it later. My wall is 2pm. After that I'm pretty much dozing on my feet while the kids color, doing their afternoon activities. There were times when I turned on the TV just so I could do a 30 minute power nap.

Unisom is OK to take with vitamin B12 or B6 (I forget) during pregnancy. It helped with morning sickness and had the bonus of helping me sleep.

A few more weeks to go!

[lizajane]

check your iron!! i was anemic while pregnant with dylan and it nearly did me in!!! schuyler is WILD and he was only 22 months when dylan was born. so i was at my wits end!

definitely get some sleep help- you can take benedryl every night. if you need something stronger, you can take ambien. it really helped me sleep. unfortunatly, i had a very rare side effect (wild mood swings!!) and had to stop taking it and i was SO bummed because it really let me sleep.

REST. just sleep if you need to. when the sitter comes, go back to bed. don't clean or cook or chat. just sleep. DH can pick up when he gets home and the sitter can take care of the first two meals. rest rest rest. get those feet up, mama!!!

hang in there.

[gatorsmom]

The TV is your friend!!! When I was pregnant with the twins and chasing a 4 and 2 year old, I planted them in front of the TV as much as possible. It won't kill them, seriously.

Also, put your son in a room where he can play safely unattended and stretch yourself across the escape route/doorway with a pillow. Then YOU take a nap while he plays. If he tries to crawl across you to get out, it'll wake you up.

Ask your DH if he can make dinner at night. It's just a temporary thing. Reassure him he won't be doing it forever.

Hang in there. I know how tired you are and I feel for you. Big hugs and energetic thoughts coming your way.

[saschalicks]

I'm in the same predicament but not as far along as you. DH has taken over in so many ways I've been so lucky, but I'm just so much more tired then I remember being w/the boys. I let them watch way too much TV, but I know it's temporary until the next bout of craziness begins. You know newborn.

[deannanb]

Originally Posted by gatorsmom

The TV is your friend!!!

YES! What she said!

I was much more tired with this baby than with the last one. Running around all day chasing a 3 year old will do that to you.

fortunately he was in school most mornings - so I could catch up on sleep then - but if not - when he was home from school and I needed to pass out - we'd swing by the library and check out videos/dvds and that would be the entertainment of the afternoon. (or pbs)

good luck!

[Melbel]

Hang in there mama, you are in the home stretch. I am certain that many of us have BTDT. I remember being so tired and fatigued that it felt as though it took all of my strength simply to move at all. I would try the following (some of which has already been suggested):

1. Be sure to eat and take care of yourself! You really need to make this a priority over cleaning, etc. If necessary, set a timer to remind you to eat.
2. Have your iron levels checked.
3. I would ask your OB about ambien. I had major insomnia during my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies which made it not only difficult to function, but also dangerous to drive. With DS, I did not take any medication during pregnancy. However, during my pregnancy with DD1, I actually ran a red light while driving. Weighing the risks, I decided to take the ambien and it really helped so much, without a morning hangover effect. When the insomnia kicked in with DD2, I did not hesitate to start taking ambien again. I needed rest to keep up with two active DC. I was able to use a 5 mg dosage, and then cut it in half. I wanted to take the minimum amount that was effective in treating the insomnia.
4. Get more help if possible (i.e. someone to help with laundry/cleaning, purchase prepared meals, etc.) and allow yourself more leeway on the state of the house. This lowering of expectations will help you once the baby is born.
5. Allow more TV time. It is bound to happen once the baby is born anyway! I would snuggle my LOs in my bed while they watched TV, occasionally dosing off.

HTH!

[hardysmom]

I felt the same way. I'd felt fatigued for a long time, but thought maybe it was depression or just normal with young kids.

When my twins were born, it got much worse. I could barely stay awake until about 9-10 pm when I would catch a second wind and then couldn't/wouldn't sleep.

Finally, it got bad enough that I went to the doctor. It took a long time and a lot of tests, but I eventually was diagnosed with a fatigue disorder and put on a medication. It made a huge difference allowing me to get back on my feet. I started working out, improved my diet, and lost 30 lbs. I had more energy. More patience. The meds helped me help myself.

It could be many, many things- iron issues, thyroid issues, depression, sleep disorders, etc... most are very treatable.

Don't blow it off as a normal part of motherhood. To some extent, we all get worn out. You KNOW if you have crossed the line from what seems normal to a degree which is effecting your ability to function, parent, etc... Everyone has difficult days, but when that grows into weeks there may be a physical cause.

Fatigue is a big, big deal. It makes it tough to keep your head above water. Personally, it makes me depressed which crushes my motivation to do the things I know would make me feel better like working out, eating well, and doing things I enjoy. I felt guilty for snapping at my kids. I'd get overly anxious when the noise-level became too much...

To put it in perspective, I just finished chemotherapy (TOTALLY unrelated to my fatigue issues!). In some ways I had MORE energy during treatment than I had when my fatigue wasn't being treated. Of course, I also had more permission to be a couch potato than the average mom.

Get it checked out. Something may be physically out of balance that can't be fixed by re-organizing your life, getting household help, etc. The last few months have made me realize how far down on the priority list moms of young kids rank taking care of their own health. If you don't deal with these things, they compound and cause more issues. The better care you take of yourself NOW the better you will feel as you age.

If your child seemed worn out for an extended time, you'd get them to a doctor, right? Do the same for yourself.

Stephanie