WWYD: Footing the bill for friends

[SpaceGal]

I'm kind of stuck in an awkward situation that leads me to just stew.

This past weekend DH and I and a good friend of ours and his girlfriend went on a short roadtrip out of town (heck out the country since we travelled to Canada) for a show.

We footed the bill first and bought the tickets to go to the show so we could get four seats together. My friend did not really say much about how much he owes us or what not. Then when we go, he asks me if we want to get separate hotel rooms or just split one. We know he and his girlfriend are a bit frugal and want to not spend as much as possible. I said we'll we're getting a hotel room you guys are okay to crash with us since DH has a bunch of hotel points. We drove since we used DH's company car and get free gas and paid the tolls and what not. When I told my friend they could crash with us he simply said okie we'll buy you guys dinner for it. I was like sure whatever that's fine.

Well we never did catch dinner since we had a jumbled sort of schedule. Went to the show and we all had a nice time. What probably annoyed me is that my friend's girlfriend only wanted to exchange $20. We changed $150 and ended up covering most tips and food bills since we happened to be in most placed that didn't accept credit cards. What my friend did pay for were a round of drinks after the show (I didn't even have alcohol) and a round of Starbucks.

On the ride back, they said nothing about paying us back. Then near the end of the trip his girlfriend says hey guys thank you for such a great time blah blah blah please accept this as a thank you....here we thought they were paying us for the tickets which were like $170 but no instead she hands me a chocolate egg. What irks us is that from time to time he mentions how he doesn't want to buy this or that cuz he has spent so much money and we're like how you have paid for tickets and you haven't paid for much during this trip.

So we were left kind of like umm okay. DH says don't bother saying anything and that just wait and see what he does. What leaves me wondering is that we have travelled with this friend before and it was also to go see a show but that time it was just him solo. He paid for a lot of the meals and bought baseball tickets for us which we felt was more than fair and even. But this time we're like wait we ended up spending like double on a trip that we shouldn't have to.

I do feel like asking my friend for the cost of the tickets at least...but DH says just wait and see. And if he doesn't pay us then we know what kind of person he and his girlfriend are. It's not like we're loaded. They know we have children and another on the way and certainly can't afford to throw close to $200 away to just bring friends along for a ride if you know what I mean. I really don't want to end up being bitter but I sort of am since I haven't even heard a peep out of him in regards to the tickets. I do wonder if he thinks we were just going to pay for them, but I never said anything like dude we'll pay for you.

Should I approach him and say oh hey I finally got the credit card bill for the tickets you guys owe us such and such...or just wait and see what happens and if nothing oh well we know what kind of people they are.

I hate buying tickets for friends as it is but this sort of leaves me a bit soured...since in all other experiences most people pay me even before the event happens. WWYD?? Thank you in advance for your advice.

[MNmomtobe]

Hmmm... I hate freeloaders! I can tell you that the money thing can really ruin a friendship. I have had to end a friendship due to these issues.


However, if he is a good friend and has been good about paying his share in the past, I would give him a chance to pay you back.

I would take this friend aside and ask him if everything is going okay. Maybe work is not stable right now? like his company had been downsizing?
Possible his girlfriend is spending a lot of his money? I hate how that sounds (as a woman) but wonder if dating her is affecting his pocketbook.


Maybe if you ask if he is doing okay, it will either make him open up a bit if there are other things going on, or will make him realize he should pay up.

Good luck and hope you have a good resolution to this situation.

[kozachka]

I would wait a little bit and just matter of fact say to him that the tickets cost you so and so and his share is $170. And not mention any other costs.

[pinay]

I would just tell him the cost of the tickets and that you would appreciate it if he could give you the $$ before your cc payment comes due- if he takes care of it, great but if not, well, I personally would have a hard time continuing that friendship. I certainly wouldn't be planning any more trips with them!

[Melanie]

Ugh. I hate those situations! I read somewhere, probably here, don't lend money that you need back. So assume every loan is a gift and if you get paid back it's a nice surprise. I don't think a friendship is worth losing over some money.

I'd probably just let it go and never ever ever pay ahead for anything for them again (unless you are just wanting to be generous).

And let it go. It will make you happier.

Really.

ETA: But obviously I'm a passive person. LOL. I think that the direct-route like pinay suggested is also good. I just know I could never do it.

[SpaceGal]

Originally Posted by Melanie

Ugh. I hate those situations! I read somewhere, probably here, don't lend money that you need back. So assume every loan is a gift and if you get paid back it's a nice surprise. I don't think a friendship is worth losing over some money.

I'd probably just let it go and never ever ever pay ahead for anything for them again (unless you are just wanting to be generous).

And let it go. It will make you happier.

Really.

ETA: But obviously I'm a passive person. LOL. I think that the direct-route like pinay suggested is also good. I just know I could never do it.

I'm passive as well. And although the credit card bill has already been paid and we're definitely not hurting for the money. It's just the stewing on it bugs me really.

[KBecks]

I think you or your DH needs to at least bring it up, at least for the tickets, or whatever amount you feel is fair. I would think there was a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up. Then, if they don't pay or feel upset about it, I wouldn't do anything expensive with them again, or ask for the money upfront before purchasing tickets or anything.

I'd rather be frank and get the money than quiet and feel used.

[mytwosons]

I think you need to do whatever it is that will let you stop stewing about the situation. For me, that would be saying "we got the cc bill and your share of the tickets is x" and then basing further interactions on his response. It would certainly bug me that he stiffed me, but it would also REALLY bug me that I didn't say anything.

Good luck! That's a really yucky situation.

[BeachBum]

I would send an email that says something like we got the cc statement and your tickets were $xx. Had a great time blah, blah.

I'm a very forgetful person and I could totally see myself forgetting that I owed someone. I would hope that they would give me a reminder before deciding that I'm a jerk.

If he doesn't pay you after the reminder, then I think you know where you stand.

[rprav8r]

If you expect them to pay, you have to ask them directly. Yeah, maybe they are thoughtless, cheap jerks, but maybe they just need a nudge.