How do you teach your child about charity?

[s_gosney]

I try really hard to not fall into the trap of "if dd is like this now, what will she be like at 15?" line of thinking (which dh starts in on every time she acts up ) but I do definitely see dd starting down the path of feeling entitled to things, wanting things to be all about her, etc. Obviously much of this is developmental and is magnified by having a new sibling, but I really want her to grow up to be empathetic, compassionate, and grateful, so it's something I'd like to be more purposeful about.

TBH, I often shy away from telling her many of the realities of the world because, well the realities of life for many people are really sad and hard to comprehend. And her incessant questioning sometimes backs me into a corner that I don't know how to get out of. For example, at church on sunday we chose an ornament from the tree that had a description of a child in the community that needs clothes for Christmas. I thought that something like that would be a good way for her to start thinking of others, etc. But she wanted to know the kid's name. Well, of course they don't put the name on there, so I told her that. Mommy, why don't they put the name on there. To protect their privacy. Why is it private...what do you say to that? And she's also given to worrying and wondering about all the what-ifs, so I don't want to tell her too much. It's definitely a case of her cognitive and verbal skills being ahead of her emotional skills.

Anyway, I'm rambling again, but I'd love to hear what you all do both specifically around the holidays as well as throughout the year to cultivate gratitude and generosity in your dc.

Thanks!

[mom2chloe]

The main thing I do around the holidays is select an "angel" from the Salvation Army Angel Tree at work...the day they come out... I try to pick one AS CLOSE to my daughter's age/size/interest as I can... Then I take her with me to buy everything for the angel, and we talk repeatedly about people who don't have as much as we do and the like... That conversation carries throughout the year..

DD's father recently started requiring her to state two things (intangible) she is thankful for before starting any sentence like, "I want.." or "Can I have..." That has definitely slowed down the asking... and made her do a little thinking about all the things she does have.

[hez]

I've told DS that not everyone has enough food or clothing or toys or electricity or whatever, and that I think it's important that we share what we can. To be honest, the first time we had the discussion, he came to the sharing conclusion on his own-- "If people don't have enough, why don't we just give them some of ours?" I think many kids pick up on the idea of giving a lot faster than we realize.

That said, I still think we (as a family) need to do a better job of talking about these situations as they come up. Today, for instance, we had a 'what if' conversation about things DS could do for a friend if that friend was sad at school. I think all those character traits you're talking about can be worked on in all sorts of ways-- being a good friend or giving to people you've never even met, or volunteering somewhere, or whatever it may be.

Oh, and specific things-- and DS takes a quarter to Junior Church (held during the regular service) every week. Now that he's old enough to start earning an allowance, we'll have him count out one quarter from the ten he'll get so he 'sees' how it works to give from what you receive. He helps me pick out the Angel Tree gift (similar to yours) at Christmas, he helps us pick out food to give when there's a food drive at church or school, and so forth. I think beyond talking it out, there's something to be said for just *doing* things so your children see it as a normal part of life. IMO, they don't have to be big-- they just should happen.

[Davids-Coco]

Although early around here (since DS is 2), we have many things that we do throughout the year that makes charity/mitzvah a normal part of life. I think being that it is an important part of Judaism helps us... even though it extends beyond charity to general kindness.

This time of year, we participate in a number of activities: Toys for Tots through my dad's company and family giving (last year was a total of $10,000 in toys!!!), the giving trees at our local malls, thanksgiving meal gifts through our supermarket, and more. We just look for opportunities. We love doing it and DS always is a part of it, even if he doesn't understand fully just yet. We want it to just be a part of life.

As he gets older, we will incorporate him into our Tzedaka. And, give him the opportunity to make his own giving choices, including adding bits of his allowance or what not to our little tzedaka box (which is basically like a little penny bank).

Honestly, I think that if you graciously and willingly give and show how it makes your life better too, then your DC will see it and follow in suit. But that means being dedicated to it yourself... even when money is tight and you aren't in the mood.

[kijip]

I think kids inherently understand giving and helping if they observe it in their parents. It just makes sense. The only kids I see who don't understand it seem to be those with parents that don't value it at all themselves.

I manage a charitable organization so T is just immersed in that as part of daily life. We also do things for other charities and he so far has really enjoyed it.

I don't show him problems so vast they have no solution, but ones that he can see clearly how they can be made better and help make them better. I don't want him to be stressed out by the world around him, but I consider understanding that some people need help to get food and clothes or housing or shoes to be part of my obligation as a parent.

[WatchingThemGrow]

We pack up boxes to send away to other countries and are giving a gift to a family in our community this weekend. Unfortunately, we'll be out of town at the big party where the family will get the gifts, but DD will understand more about these hopefully as we do them in the future.

I feel like we could be much better at this, but having small children takes a lot of opportunities away - like being able to serve at night, sharing skills with others, tutoring, etc. Giving of your time, not just money feels a little more valuable to me personally . Hopefully, as they grow, we'll be able to include them more in serving meals at a shelter, picking up needed items for less-fortunate families in the neighborhood next door, etc.

When I think about this, my eyes tear up because in my kindergarten class a few years ago, we were collecting donations for a local shelter for women and children. One sweet new little girl said, "Hey wait! That's where me and my mama and my brother live! That's nice of you guys to send us stuff."

[kedss]

DS's preschool does a lot of charity programs, like at Thanksgiving we dis a Food Drive, and for the Holidays we have a Mitten Tree and a program to colect preschool supplies for the Salvation Army.

I hope he also learns about volunteering simply by being at a co-op where the parents are deeply involved.

[hillview]

My mom took DS shopping for food for "kids who don't have food" and he picked out all sorts of things that kids would like (spiderman mac&cheese etc). They took it to my mom's church. He talked about it for a couple of days. We will look to do more things like this. Once he is 5 or 6 I will take him to a soup kitchen to work for an hour or so.

Also would add that I have no tolerance for the gimmes. DS has been escorted out of 3 toy stores in the last 2 months....
/hillary

[ThreeofUs]

We give to charities, and I used to be an Executive Director of a couple non-profits.

We talk a lot about people who are in need, and why we need to help them. I try not to get into "big, awful problems" discussions, but sometimes we have to take the discussion one very small step at a time.

For a kid who has always had plenty, for example, it's hard for him to understand what it might be like to be hungry. That discussion had to be very, very gentle and focus on helping.

[icunurse]

Now that DS is getting a bit older, I am trying to get him to realize that he is very fortunate to have everything that he does and that not everyone is as lucky. I don't scare him, but I do let him know that not every kid has as many toys as he does or can get a Happy Meal like he does. He is really lucky to have what he does and I don't want him to ever take that for granted.

We have a small bank from Mr Rogers that teaches about giving to others and we encourage him to add a bit here and there so we can give it to someone (we'll pick out a charity together). He always puts a little something into Salvation Army buckets or even the collection containers for the Ronald McDonald House. In order for Santa to bring new gifts, he has to give others away to kids who can play with them (and they have to be in good condition, not broken, etc) and we donate them to the local charity resale shop. We will be giving some toys to Toys for Tots (basically gifts the kids never even opened) and we are also going to make a special trip to get some nonperishables and donate them to the local food bank. In total, it really isn't a lot, but especially in these times, our family recognizes how fortunate we are and we are trying to give back as much as we can this year. Hopefully DS will learn something from it.