foster, adopting and breastfeeding...

[lizajane]

i feel like i really want to start pursuing fostering an infant in our local foster-to-adopt program. i don't mean i want a baby tomorrow, but i want to start the meetings, paperwork, home studies, etc.

i always said that if i adopted, i would attempt to re-lactate. BUT if i did a foster to adopt program, the child would not be legally MY child for a long time, if ever at all. does that mean i automatically could not breastfeed?

has anyone heard of breastfeeding a foster child??

things i think about when i can't sleep at night... not urgent. just wondering about the concept.

(ETA: i said an infant, meaning under 1 year old. so this would be moot if the child was 11 months. and i said under one year old because i think that age would work best for our family and my biological children.)

[ha98ed14]

Originally Posted by lizajane

has anyone heard of breastfeeding a foster child??

things i think about when i can't sleep at night... not urgent. just wondering about the concept.

I have been looking into adopting out of foster care. From what I have read, foster parents are not permitted to BF their foster children. Once the adoption has bee finalized, you are of course free to do whatever you wish, but until that time, foster children are required to be formula fed.

[jren]

I'm an amom, but through DIA (domestic infant adoption), not through foster care program. But my recollection was that there are certain restrictions on fta families - in discipline (no spanking) and no breastfeeding. I think it has to do with the fact that the child is not yet relinquished by birthparents, and that some may have abusive backgrounds (including sexual abuse) that may not play well with a new person attempting bfing.

I've heard relactation to bf an achild can be very successfully done, but have typically heard of it being done in international adoptions or newborn children through DIA.

[MmeSunny]

We adopted our daughter through foster to adopt. She was two months old when she came to us. I would have loved to BF, but we didn't know she was coming until four days before we got her. So not really any time to induce lacation.

That said, the no bf rule is state/county/system based. But so many kids do go back to their birthparents and when they come into care it's almost impossible to predict what's going to happen. Even with voluntary relinquishment of a newborn--the mother can change her mind, her family can come forward, birthfather or one of his family can come forward. All of those people have "rights" to the child and the time that they can come to claim is child is LONG in some states. Fathers, especially if they "don't know" about the child can come at anytime before rights are termininated. This doesn't take place for months. Could you live with BFing a child you had to give back?

The loss of the child w/o that connection is hard enough. That said, I don't feel that I could be any closer to my daughter now that if I had BF her. It might have been a great experience or horrible. You have to think of the child too. What 2 month old, who has been getting all of her nourishment from easy-to-suck bottles and has been moved around to new homes a couple times and isn't with same person who gave birth to her, really NEEDS the additional stress of learning a new way to eat from someone she doesn't know yet?

This isn't to discount BFing by any means, but the rules/benefits/etc aren't the same as bio-kids.

That said, congratulations on thinging of fostering/adopting. Many people have fleeting thoughts of it and never do it. There are over 130,000 in the US currently waiting for homes. You could be that home!

[egoldber]

What 2 month old, who has been getting all of her nourishment from easy-to-suck bottles and has been moved around to new homes a couple times and isn't with same person who gave birth to her, really NEEDS the additional stress of learning a new way to eat from someone she doesn't know yet?

Is this not similar to what happens with a baby in the NICU? Yet many women work very hard to get those babies to the breast, sometimes after many weeks or months. And a baby not breastfed directly could still benefit from expressed breastmilk in a bottle.

But I agree that the OP needs to research the rules and regulations in her area.

[JBaxter]

Originally Posted by lizajane

i feel like i really want to start pursuing fostering an infant in our local foster-to-adopt program. i don't mean i want a baby tomorrow, but i want to start the meetings, paperwork, home studies, etc.

i always said that if i adopted, i would attempt to re-lactate. BUT if i did a foster to adopt program, the child would not be legally MY child for a long time, if ever at all. does that mean i automatically could not breastfeed?

has anyone heard of breastfeeding a foster child??

things i think about when i can't sleep at night... not urgent. just wondering about the concept.

(ETA: i said an infant, meaning under 1 year old. so this would be moot if the child was 11 months. and i said under one year old because i think that age would work best for our family and my biological children.)

You can not brestfeed a foster child. The initial goal is to re unite children with the parents only after MULTIPLE attempts are made to have the parents and or relatives qualify then they file the court papers to sever the parents rights. THEN they appeal. The child would unfairly bond with you if you are attempting to breast feed so in Maryland at least its a big no no. It takes a long time to TPR ( terminate parental rights) and a child is RARELY under 1 year of age. According to my worker rarely does a newborn get surrendered for adoption.

Adopting even through the foster system still costs money and werent you just posting not to long ago about not having enough $$ to purchase a new vehicle?
http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/sho...d.php?t=325605

If you want to breast feed you may have to go international or private adoption.

[brittone2]

Just agreeing w/ the PPs. I worked with many foster families in EI, and I am fairly sure the rules would not allow a foster parent to BF. In some states (most?) the foster parent can't cosleep, etc. with foster kids (including infants) either. There is the risk of disease transmission, etc. with BFing, and for that reason they would never allow a foster parent to BF a child that was not legally theirs as far as I know.

The termination of parental rights opening up the possibility of adoption usually takes a considerable amount of time...at least, in the situations I've encountered.

[Clarity]

Originally Posted by JBaxter

Adopting even through the foster system still costs money and werent you just posting not to long ago about not having enough $$ to purchase a new vehicle?
http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/sho...d.php?t=325605

Ouch.

[MmeSunny]

Originally Posted by egoldber

Is this not similar to what happens with a baby in the NICU? Yet many women work very hard to get those babies to the breast, sometimes after many weeks or months. And a baby not breastfed directly could still benefit from expressed breastmilk in a bottle.

I understand the benefits of which you are speaking, but there are vast differences. NICU babies are connecting with someone they already know. They have listened to the voices, the digestive sounds, the rhymns and patterns for months. They know their birthmothers and BFing is an extension of that relationship.

Foster/Adopt babies do not have that relationship. F/A parents smell, sound, feel different. It's a whole different person.

Also, many foster children will not have had the same level of prenatal care. This already puts their systems on elevated stress. Couple that with moving and adapting to new caregivers. Not a nurse shift change, with parents who come to visit but a whole new bed, clothes, routine, etc.

Again, I'm not anti-BF, but it's not the same. I really struggle with this. I would love for my DD's early life to have been wonderful, but like all foster kids, it wasn't. Kids don't end up in the system for no reason. They come at a deficit--emotionally and often times more.

I can fully understand benefits of BM from a bottle, but to change to full-on BFing means a huge change for the child as well. I'm just saying that the benefits for both need to be weighed.

[lizajane]

Originally Posted by JBaxter

Adopting even through the foster system still costs money and werent you just posting not to long ago about not having enough $$ to purchase a new vehicle?
http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/sho...d.php?t=325605

wow.

i was hoping to share my love with a child who truly needs it. but clearly, i am too poor and therefore not good enough. i guess i will just enjoy the kids to whom i gave birth and let someone with enough money take care of all the kids out there no one wants.