What can I do when DD runs away from me?

[elektra]

DD knows about cars and the street and that we need to be careful. However, I do not trust her for one second getting out of the car and standing next to me. She runs away from me all the time, and unless I have another adult with me, it's very hard to do errands with both kids.
I'm not going to do it but I feel like she needs some kind of consequence like a swat on the butt right when I catch her after her escape! Just today we were coming out of a restaurant and as we were all getting in the car she just took off down the sidewalk. Do I do a timeout right outside the car? We were trying to leave though and I wanted her in her carseat right then.
As we are pulling into our house and she takes off I do give her a timeout as soon as we get in the house, but then since she doesn't want the timeout, she doesn't want to come back to me to go inside! It's like a comedy routine, except that we live on a busy street and having her run into the street is no laughing matter.
Ugh.

[brittone2]

Originally Posted by elektra

DD knows about cars and the street and that we need to be careful. However, I do not trust her for one second getting out of the car and standing next to me. She runs away from me all the time, and unless I have another adult with me, it's very hard to do errands with both kids.
I'm not going to do it but I feel like she needs some kind of consequence like a swat on the butt right when I catch her after her escape! Just today we were coming out of a restaurant and as we were all getting in the car she just took off down the sidewalk. Do I do a timeout right outside the car? We were trying to leave though and I wanted her in her carseat right then.
As we are pulling into our house and she takes off I do give her a timeout as soon as we get in the house, but then since she doesn't want the timeout, she doesn't want to come back to me to go inside! It's like a comedy routine, except that we live on a busy street and having her run into the street is no laughing matter.
Ugh.

IMO, much better to prevent in the first place. For us that would look like: you ride in the sling, you ride in a stroller, you are carried, you are on a "leash"/backpack thingie with the tail for a parent to hold (eta: or you hold a parent's hand, but only if she's not going to pull away and take off). You may not like it (addressed to DC, not you OP ), but you can't keep yourself safe yet, so those are the options.

A child her age simply can't foresee danger and is not yet ready to display consistent impulse control. Spanking (not that you were going to do that, but just saying) wouldn't change that. It is IMO much like taking into consideration the fact that you wouldn't hire a babysitter your DD's age...kwim? She's simply too young to understand the consequences and to display reliable impulse control.

eta: rereading this and noticing how young your youngest is...double stroller, leash or hold your hand starting *before* she even gets out of the car. PITB, but honestly, she's too young to really "get" safety, and even if she gets it sometimes, she's too young to be consistent/reliable and responsible for her own safety, so you'll need to get creative.

edited again to add that one other thing you could do is to set her up for success in advance. Let her know the expectation *before* she gets out. That it is dangerous to run, that she needs to hold your hand or wear the "leash" (whatever you think will work better). I still would make sure you are preventing in first place through one of those options, but I would also remind her each time before getting out of the car. In time the message will sink in a bit more most likely, and in time she'll naturally develop more impulse control and safety awareness. In the meantime just do whatever it takes to prevent her from running away in the first place.

[AnnieW625]

that is the only time I have ever given my daughter a slap across the butt. I know it's not popular, but it had to be done. Once we get to the car I also reinforce with her that she needs to not do that and she knows the rules that she cannot run where there are cars. If she laughs through the whole lecture/punishment talk she gets a time out when we get home which is 2 minutes in the chair in the middle of the kitchen. It usually involves lots of crying but it's worth it because by the time she is done on the chair I ask her if she is going to run again and she says no. It gets easier as they get older. Good luck!

[m448]

From a practical standpoint what you want is for her to be safe right? I do what Beth mentioned. I always figured the true test of an effective solution is if the result is what you wanted. In this case, I tell parents that the test to see if hitting worked is if they could let go of the child's hand and the child would not try the running off again. They are never 100% sure, so for me that's not the solution. Prevention until the impulse control matures is the obvious solution. For one kid that was a monkey backpack, the other held hands just fine. Sometimes I just had to plop a kid in the cart or sling. Either way I had to keep the goal in mind - their safety.

[gatorsmom]

Originally Posted by brittone2

IMO, much better to prevent in the first place. For us that would look like: you ride in the sling, you ride in a stroller, you are carried, you are on a "leash"/backpack thingie with the tail for a parent to hold (eta: or you hold a parent's hand, but only if she's not going to pull away and take off). You may not like it (addressed to DC, not you OP ), but you can't keep yourself safe yet, so those are the options.

A child her age simply can't foresee danger and is not yet ready to display consistent impulse control. Spanking (not that you were going to do that, but just saying) wouldn't change that. It is IMO much like taking into consideration the fact that you wouldn't hire a babysitter your DD's age...kwim? She's simply too young to understand the consequences and to display reliable impulse control.

eta: rereading this and noticing how young your youngest is...double stroller, leash or hold your hand starting *before* she even gets out of the car. PITB, but honestly, she's too young to really "get" safety, and even if she gets it sometimes, she's too young to be consistent/reliable and responsible for her own safety, so you'll need to get creative.

I agree with this. Until they were cooperative, I never gave my boys the opportunity to run out in the road. They went straight from the car to the stroller and back again. Now that goes for the twins who are nearly 21mo. They go straight into the stroller, not even a second thought about that. it is a PITB but it won't be forever. Cha Cha realized at 3.5yo what a privilege it was to be allowed to stand next to the car instead of getting immediately in the stroller. He knows, though, that if he were to run, that privilege would be taken away.

[Melaine]

I have BTDT for sure. It is terrifying when there is the chance of two toddlers running in opposite directions, unfortunately always a possibility with twins. ITA that you have to eliminate the possibility of escape. At that age you can never be 100% sure they will comply, and if you have 2 or more kids you just can't take the risk.
I think at your DD's age, you just have to not give her a chance to run away, pretty much hold her hand at all times. For me that meant not getting out a lot and always using a stroller. Now that the girls are older they know that if they run away there will be consequences, like turning around and going straight home. I've done it before.

[egoldber]

IMO, much better to prevent in the first place

I agree. Sarah was never, ever like this. Amy is a runner. She NEVER, EVER is allowed to walk in a parking lot unless she is right next to me and I am free and able to grab her. If she starts to run, she is carried or she holds my hand. I have had to carry her upside down screaming and kicking more times that I care to remember.

[brittone2]

Originally Posted by egoldber

I agree. Sarah was never, ever like this. Amy is a runner. She NEVER, EVER is allowed to walk in a parking lot unless she is right next to me and I am free and able to grab her. If she starts to run, she is carried or she holds my hand. I have had to carry her upside down screaming and kicking more times that I care to remember.

Yeah, my DD went through a bit of a runner phase (nothing like some kids, but more than my DS). DS was the total opposite (he's my firstborn). I think once I mentioned to him that he had to hold my hand in the parking lot or a car could bump into him and hurt him (used very mild language knowing he's sensitive). THe kid literally would NOT walk in a parking lot and wanted to be carried until he was 3 after that LOL. So sometimes you can't win But honestly that was easier than having to worry (sometimes )

[Edensmum]

I agree with the keeping her confined and not giving her the opportunity to run off. Until she can act appropriately, she does not get the freedom to make the choices herself, she is stuck by your side until she can stay there when you need her to, without the sling or leash or whatever you use.

[KpbS]

I've got 2 that will bolt at any moment. They are both wanderers. With DS1 I always used the stroller or cart at that age (or carried him inside to a shopping cart). We waited at doctor's offices, in lines, at the grocery store etc. all in a stroller. On vacations or at the zoo we would sometimes use the harness instead. DS1 can't stand to hold my hand for very long (too independent ) and this is the only way I could trust that he would be safe.