For DC who have an early bedtime …. where is the time for anything?

[slworld]

This is mostly a bitch I guess but I would also love to hear if anyone has any suggestions. DS is 13months old and both DH & I work fulltime. He has always been a poor napper and only sleeps ~1.5hr in the afternoon (all the other kids in his daycre sleep for ~3hrs). He is usually home from daycare between 5:15-5:30pm and is pretty much exhausted by then. He has dinner (which takes ~45mins-1hr) and by that time he gets all fussy & whiny cause he is tired. We start the bedtime routine by 6:45pm – bath, read and sleep. He is usually asleep by 7:30pm (and wakes up between 6:30-7am). I feel bad/sad that I hardly get to spend anytime with him during the weekdays. Does anyone else have this kind of a situation … how do you maximize your time with DC?

Also I have a couple of friends who have DC around the same age and all those kids sleep much longer during the day (~3hrs) and are awake until 8:30-9pm. On weekends they usually want to meet sometime after 5:30pm (after kids wake up from nap, eat a snack etc). But it’s already dinnertime for DS and won’t work for us (if they plan to come by we sometimes may be able to push dinner to 6pm but we just can’t leave home at that time). Weekend mornings usually doesn’t work for anyone since everyone is at a more relaxed pace and do things more slowly/later than usual. I was all excited when my friends got pregnant around the same time since that meant DS would have kids his age to play with but we hardly every get to meet them since our schedules are so different. Does anyone else have this issue … were you able to come up with something that works?

Any comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks much

[KrisM]

It'll pass. By the time your DS is really playing with other kids, he won't be napping at all and will be going to bed a bit later.

My kids had/have early bedtimes and DH doesn't see much of them on some days. We do more on weekends and in the morning.

I must admit that I really enjoy kid-free time in the evenings. I have friends who have kids up until 10 or 11 on a nightly basis and that would so not work for me! I like having them asleep and time to myself.

[nfowife]

I don't work but my kids have always been early to bed kids. Both my kids now go to bed at 6:45. So, yes, there are some activities we just can't do because of bedtime. Now that they are a bit older (2.5 and 4) there are times I can push this but it's a once in a while thing or they are very cranky the next day (don't sleep late to make up for it!). For me, I prefer the early bedtime so I actually wake my youngest from his nap if still asleep at 3. He goes down between noon and 1. My older DD doesn't nap in general anymore.
If we are going to be out past their bedtime I will let DS sleep later if he doesn't wakeup on his own and try to encourage DD to nap by doing "quiet time" in her room around 2.
My main advice is to just do the best you can and try not to get too upset. This time will pass quickly and eventually he will be able to stretch it a bit. Your DS is still a baby and he needs to sleep when he's tired. I know it must be hard with work but that's the breaks with some kids!

[wendibird22]

We are in the same boat here. DD has always had a 7-7:30 bedtime, even back when she napped 2x's per day and even now that her naps are often 2hrs in the afternoon. DH gets home with DD from work/sitters around 5/5:30. We eat dinner, bath, pj's, stories, and bed. Our "quality" time with her is limited to dinner table discussion and stories. To "help" get as much quality into that time as possible, DH and I are sure to have the TV off (we DVR the news) until after DD has gone to bed and we save any talk of our work days until then too (we talk to her more than each other during dinner). One of us plays with her while the other cooks. We save dishes and cleaning up from dinner until after she goes to bed as well, so sometimes we have a little bit of time for playing before bath/books (which we can have both done in 15-20mins...quick bath and only 2 stories). If we didn't have time to play then we extend story time a bit longer.

Certainly there are times when I wish we had more time together. But, I'll admit, there are also days that DH and I are exhausted and grateful for the early bedtime. Regardless, so far, DD is no worse off for it. She doesn't complain and doesn't seem to be lacking from paternal attention. We definitely do our best to make the most out of our weekends.

[boolady]

Your DS sounds very much like my DD when she was that age. I often felt the way you feel, especially about not spending time with her, but I realized that if that was what she needed, that was what she needed, and we were being the best parents we could be by making sure that she was well-rested and happy, despite wishing we had more waking time with her. She's 2 yrs/10 months now, and still goes to bed (like lights out...so starting routine 1/2 hour to 45 minutes earlier) between 7:30 and 7:45. She still naps at daycare (sometimes) anywhere from 1-2 hours. She's just a kid who likes her sleep, and I know this because the later she goes to bed, the harder time she has settling down and it is clear when she is not well-rested.

I don't have the exact playdate issue that you have, because most of our best friends are about 45 minutes away, but we do have a lot of kids on our street between the ages of 1 and 5. Many of them are out MUCH later than DD, but are on later schedules...parents don't have to leave for work as early as we do, have SAH parents and don't have to get up as early, etc. When she's outside playing with the group either before or after dinner, especially in the summer, I try to make an exception one or two nights per week and let her stay out/up an extra 1/2 hour or so.

Overall, I just try to keep telling myself that this is what she needs and that she will grow up and be up later to spend more time with us as she grows.

[almostmom]

All kids are different, and while they are young and still napping, the reality is that some friends are harder to hang out with! My kids nap in the afternoon from like 1-4, and are up until about 9 and sleep until about 7:30 or later if allowed to. We don't move fast in the mornings if they don't have school because it is such a nice change to just lounge around until 9 or so in our pjs. I have one friend in town, and we both have Fridays off, but her 2 year old goes down for his nap around 11, so it's basically impossible for us to get together if I have any morning errands on that day.

I assume as they get older this will change, but it is what it is. Your kids will get better at staying up later as they age -- mine certainly have. They used to be asleep by 7:30 or 8, but no longer...

[jenmcadams]

I know my situation is different b/c I'm a SAHM, but I see how tough it is for my DH when he feels like he doesn't get enough time with our kids. My kids are now 4 and 7 and they still go to bed b/t 7:00 - 7:30 PM (they get up b/t 6:30 - 7:30 AM). They truly need this sleep and are miserable without it (particularly my DD who is 7). Every kid is different and needs different amounts of sleep...I'm convinced that my 4 year old DS needs less sleep than his sister...he frequently stays awake longer after bedtime and is up at least 30 minutes earlier than my DD most of the time. We do a couple of things that may or may not be possible for you -- I feed the kids dinner before my DH gets home; he tries to get home by 6PM (he's the founder of a software company and it's hard for him to leave early, but he's just started doing more work in the evenings and early AMs to catch up); he also works at home a little bit in the AM, so he can see the kids before he leaves (if it weren't for the kids, he's leave for work at 6AM to get a jump on the day); finally, we do strictly family time/playtime for that hour before bed.

We've just tried to honor the amount of sleep they need -- some of our friends think we're too inflexible with their sleep, but I believe (and there have been some great articles on this) that most kids don't get enough sleep. My kids are insanely happy, rarely fussy and pretty easy going and I think that while some portion of that is just natural temperament, a large factor in their demeanor is the fact that they're well rested. This summer is the first time we've started being less anal about bedtime (e.g. fireworks, letting them stay up until 9PM this past weekend on a camping trip or going to a special pro soccer team game with my DDs soccer team, etc.). In all cases, I'm glad I let the kids stay up, but in all cases we paid for it for days....it takes several days for them to recover from the lack of sleep.

[wellyes]

I feel for you, it's tough, you work all day looking forward to going home to see the LO and when you get there, you only have a couple of hours (if that). Does he get up early? An hour of play in the morning might make you feel better.

To make your limited time a more rewarding experience, instead of just hanging out, take time for structured play: finger paints, let him "wash dishes" in the sink (in other words, splash around), play "move the dried beans from this bowl to the other bowl". Forget chores, get take-out or make convenience foods, and really use the short time you have.

[mommylamb]

Just wanted to say I feel your pain. DS is older than your DS (25 months now), but when he was that age he also was falling asleep by 7:30-- and I didn't get home with him until at least 6 pm, so it didn't leave much time for eating/bathing/betime routine/quality time.

I started inching bedtime back by 10 minute increments, which was also helpful because DS was waking up really early, and now he sleeps a little later (as in, he now wakes up around 6 am, and he used to wake up at 4:30-5:00 am).

Another change I made is that I don't give him a bath every night. That gives us a little more time together that isn't filled with "must get done" items.

It really is just so hard to work and have a baby. For me at least, I always feel pulled in many directions at once. But it does get easier.

[lmwbasye]

I am a SAHM now, but when I was working, DH and I just make a 100 percent effort to make it the children's time when they are awake or on the weekends. So the time spent is truly quality time.

FWIW...DS1 goes to bed at 7:00 and DS2 at 6:30. DS1 doesn't nap (does have 90 minutes of quiet playtime in his room) and DS2 naps for a good 3 hours. They both wake up around 6:30 or 7:00.