omg, party invite catastrophy... please help!

[Reyadawnbringer]

Ok, so... I had posted a few weeks ago about DS's first birthday coming up. Well his party is planned for Saturday and we just got an email from a close cousin of DH's (she lives up the street from us) and she asked where her invitation to the birthday party is. I don't remember telling her about the party, or inviting her- but she clearly thinks she was. So... do I invite her and her SO? And if I do, does that mean I have to invite her Mom, Dad, and Bro (who are also really close to DH and I and I think would likely be offended if Cousin was invited and the rest were excluded)... and then if I invite them all then what do I do when word gets back to DH's grandparents?? They will be offended if 1 family of aunt, uncle and cousins was invited and they weren't. So, logically the best thing to do would be to invite them too.

But, I have already stated in the past that they have a history of bringing people with them who weren't invited, and showing up late and staying WAAAAY late. We cannot have stragglers because DS and I are leaving 1 hour after his party to go out of town to his Godmothers baby shower...

And then if I invited DH's grandparents then the other 2 aunts who live right next door to grandparents will wonder why they weren't included....

I see this turning into a whole HUGE mess. As I stated before, I would LOVE to have everyone there, but our apartment is too small AND I don't want DS to be overwhelmed and cranky at his own celebration. I just don't know how to handle this... WWYD?? Please, I am begging for some guidance here as I have already been forced to include my BFF's new BF in the celebration- I just can't keep letting this get out of hand.

[tmarie]

My, this is just a day for rsvp woes! I am about to post about my own problems.

I would just explain gently to this relative that due to your space limitations, you and dh decided to keep it to a small gathering, you're so sorry you couldn't include everyone, and that you're grateful for their understanding. If she doesn't accept that then she is the one with the problem. I absolutely wouldn't open the door and invite her. Not only might it snowball the size of your party, but it could set dangerous precedents for the future, KWIM?

Good luck and so sorry you are dealing with this. Have a wonderful celebration!

tmarie

[Melaine]

I agree not to invite her out of guilt. I'm sorry you are dealing with this....how stressful!

[Globetrotter]

I'm sorry she is being a pain You could say you're not having a big party this year b/c of space limitations. Maybe she doesn't realize that those other relatives weren't invited!

If you're not inviting any family, you could say that you're limiting it to friends. If you are inviting some family, stick to the space issue.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd just say that you didn't want her b-day party to be big because she is going through a shy phase or something like that. Say that you are keeping it to immediate family only.

Beth

[justlearning]

I'd be afraid of offending grandparents and family by not inviting them if they lived so close to us. But I completely understand why you don't want to invite them to this party.

So what do you think of this idea--you could respond that you're going to have just a short party that day (because you're leaving to go out of town) and with just a few friends his age. (If you are inviting a few family members, you can say that you asked them to come help with the kids.) You could say that you would like to have the extended family over to celebrate when you have a longer block of time. You could make that family event a potluck (so you don't feel overwhelmed) and invite all the family you're not inviting to the party.

[bigpassport]

Oh my goodness. The cousin is RUDE. Simply tell her that you are having a very small party for DS because of space limitations and you hope to have bigger b-day parties in the future. Trust your instincts on what DS can handle.

[Twoboos]

As someone who just got bullied into doubling the size of DD1's bday invite list (in conjunction w/DD1 not being able to stick to a decision, LOL), I also vote don't open the floodgates for the cousin and the rest of the group.

If this cousin is going to get mad about it, she's going to get mad about something else in the future even if you DO invite her to this!

GL!! Who knew bday parties would be so political!!

[Cheburashka]

Heh, sounds like the party invitation version of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie". Would telling her that the party is immediate family/close friends only because of space restrictions work? It is the truth, you don't have the space, so you're not lying but still sparing her feelings. Only problem I see with that is it could prompt her to volunteer her own space for the party.

I also agree with pp's - don't invite her and everyone else. Stick to your guns.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Originally Posted by bigpassport

Oh my goodness. The cousin is RUDE. Simply tell her that you are having a very small party for DS because of space limitations and you hope to have bigger b-day parties in the future. Trust your instincts on what DS can handle.

i agree. it was pretty rude of her to just invite herself to the party. i definitely would not give in and just say you're having a small party with close family/friends only. who cares what other family members may think, life it just too short to be worrying about things like this.

i feel your pain because i went through drama like this for my wedding 2 years ago. people (not even family members, these were people we barely knew) were literally inviting themselves to our wedding. and like in your case, because of family politics it was one of the toughest things to deal with; we felt like we couldn't just say no because then certain family members would get upset as to why we didn't invite so-and-so to our wedding. ARGH. hugs to you for having to deal with it, hope the party turns out ok.