To those extended nursers...

[ourbabygirl]

Did/ do you get flack from others (relatives, friends/ acquaintances) who know you still nurse(d) past a year? Do you have any good responses for them? DD is 13 months and I'm still nursing her when she wakes up and before she goes to bed, so most of the time I'm not around others, and if it's her bedtime and we're with family or friends, I'll go in another room and do it (under the guise that I'm putting on her jammies and starting her bedtime routine). It hasn't been an issue, but tomorrow I'm going on a trip w/DD and my mom, and we'll be sharing a hotel room, so she'll definitely know that I'm still nursing, as I'll be doing it when DD wakes up and before bed. Before having a baby I thought the whole nursing-after-a-year thing was strange, because like a lot of people in society, I associated breasts with sexual stuff. So now I've changed my tune after going through the whole experience, and if DD refused, I definitely wouldn't force it on her, but since she seems to like/ need it, I'm fine with still doing it.
The other thing I'm wondering is how you handle things like date nights or a girls' night out if you're still nursing your little one before bed. Do you just skip it that night, or do it a lot earlier, or once you get home and your DC is sleeping? I nurse DD around 6:15 or 6:30 p.m., but I've always just planned things (going out w/DH, to a movie with a friend, to an exercise class) for after that time frame.

Any tips from your experience? I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but as no one else in my family or group of friends nursed past a year, I'm kind of in uncharted territory. I realize I shouldn't have to hide it, but sometimes society (books and people) can make you feel ashamed about it, like a weirdo .

Thanks for your help!

[jgenie]

YUP!! I nursed DS until he was 18 months. I had planned to nurse longer but decided to wean him when we got pregnant with DC2. I got the most flack from my mom which really surprised me but she is also the most vocal about DS extended rear facing as well. I didn't volunteer the information, but if I was asked directly I would tell people that DS was still nursing. I stated the information matter of factly and made sure to use a tone that conveyed the issue was not open for discussion. I'm sorry you're feeling nervous about people knowing. I remember being there. I'm hoping that for DS' generation breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding will be a nonissue.

[twowhat?]

Totally understand! My girls are 14 months, still nursing 4 times a day (wake, before bed, and after each nap). I could probably pretty easily drop the after-nap sessions but I just haven't yet. They hate cow's milk so I'm trying to get them more used to that first. YES I get the "they are STILL breastfeeding?" from the family. Even my husband will mention something about "When are we going to wean you?" when they are crying hysterically for their milk...that's hard to ignore but I do because I think he really just wants my boobs back Do what YOU and YOUR BABY want to do! I totally know...it's HARD to listen to these comments. And I don't want to be "rude" to family by telling them some clever come-back so I just ignore, or I tell them that "the doctor said they should still be getting 18 oz of milk per day, and they don't like cow's milk". Which is the truth. You are doing great, and it is a a huge accomplishment to nurse this long. Way to go, mama!

As for going out...honestly I just don't (very much). If we go out to a dinner or movie or whatever, we go after the girls are in bed. During the day I am comfortable nursing in the car so we will do that when we are out and about. I do not hide the fact that I am nursing to anyone. I'm proud to have made it so far!

[wolverine2]

Not sure that it's "flack," but I definitely get the "are you STILL nursing?" or "you aren't still nursing, are you?" kind of questions- particularly from my mother. (I am STILL nursing my 23 month old). She's never said she thinks it's weird, but that's the tone I get. I just ignore her since she doesn't keep talking about it. If you need to, tell your mom the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding till 2. But I wouldn't bring it up unless she says something.

When I am out at night, DS just doesn't nurse. Obviously he knows it only comes from me, so when someone else puts him to bed, it's fine.

[sarahsthreads]

I did get flack with DD1, who self-weaned at almost 2.5. I do get flack with DD2, but I don't take it anymore. I couldn't really care less if someone is uncomfortable with the idea of nursing past a year, that's their own problem to deal with. If you feel you need an excuse, say that your pediatrician recommended nursing through the flu season to boost your DD's immunity. (Nobody argues with the "my pediatrician recommended..." line.)

As far as nursing at bedtime, I work 2 nights a week and I'm often gone a third night most weeks, and DH just puts DD2 to bed - he's got his own bedtime routine for her that (obviously) doesn't include nursing. I skip it for that night. But DD2 also nurses more like 3-5 times a day (morning, before nap, bedtime, and often mid-morning and/or mid-afternoon if we're not out and about and busy) so skipping one nursing isn't uncomfortable for me.

Really, don't let it be a big deal. If it's working for you and your DD, that's all that's important.

Sarah

[new_mommy25]

I nursed both kids until they were 3. My Mom was an extended nurser so I never heard a peep out of that side of the family. My IL's raised a few eyebrows but they were far too polite to ever say anything. Most of my friends were ladies I met at LLL (I moved here when DS was 8 months so had to actively seek friends) so to them nursing was normal.

As for date night stuff, we would either go out early, like a 5:30 dinner, or later, after the kids were asleep. And we liked to stay close in the neighborhood in case MIL called us and we needed to head home. For girls night out, honestly, I didn't go on too many when the kids were young. I'm loving them up now, though! I did host a few that were AT my home, so if the kids woke up I was right here.

[daphne]

DD is 2 & I still nurse her 3x/day. I haven't received any negative comments, maybe b/c I only nurse at home, so most people have no idea I'm still nursing. When people ask if I'm still nursing, I usually just reply "Yep. I think I"ll try to wean her sometime in the spring." Noone has ever had anything to ask/say after that.

DH has just recently been able to put DD down for bed/naps. Otherwise, I could only go out after I had nursed her before bed. Freedom!!!!

[spanannie]

No one gives me a hard time about it except DH. I have no idea why.

DS nursed 19 mos., DD1 nursed 28 mos., and DD2 is still nursing almost 17 mos and still going strong.

Of course you bring up date night or girls night out. The only time we go out at night sans kids is for school functions or other things we have to be at. Then I have to bring over my mom, since she can get her to sleep w/o nursing. So, I guess it sort of gets in the way of a nighttime social life, but, hey, I have 3 kids so what's a social life?! LOL DH can't get DD to sleep -- or doesn't try hard enough -- so no going out for me unless my mom comes over to help with bedtime.

[brittone2]

My mom nursed me until I was 18 months (which I told her prekids was totally gross...repeatedly. My poor mom). I never got flack from my parents even w/ nursing beyond that age. I told them about the AAP, WHO, AAFP, etc. recommendations in passing but never because they made it an issue.

My ILs weren't fond of extended nursing, but they weren't fond of BFing in general at any age. At some point they realized we were still nursing and when it came up I brought up that our physicians were not just tolerant but highly supportive. We discussed the AAP, WHO, AAFP recommendations (no upper limit to age for BFing, BFing recommended to at least age 1 per AAP, at least age 2 per WHO, and AAFP says weaning prior to 2 years puts a child at increased risk of illness and death.) My ILs have issues w/ a lot of things though so we mostly have a policy of not discussing or debating with them. And honestly, with BFing it is fruitless anyway as they aren't supportive of it period. MIL considers it "beneath" anyone of any means to buy formula. I've told them if they want to make it an issue, I'll discuss it w/ them right after they go get their MDs after their names...otherwise it is between us, our child/children, and our physician.

I have some childless friends who know we extended BF. They are at least open to hearing why and what the recommendations are and don't say anything nasty or negative to me directly at least. I have several IRL friends who BF beyond a year so I at least have that support as well.

My kids go to bed late, so for date night, etc. we were just back in time for a 9-10pm bedtime. It didn't bother me really. (eta: beyond age 2 I'd say my DH was able to get the kids to sleep without me. It took a little longer but wasn't traumatic for them. Under 2 he could do it but it usually involved some tears on their part). We rarely need/needed to do that though.

I personally just feel it is best to be unapologetic, and as my DH has taught me...kill them w/ kindness and enthusiasm. When it comes up in conversation, we just play up how well it works for us, how we're glad to have the opportunity, etc. rather than being apologetic and slinking away like we're doing something wrong. I find it catches people off guard and they are less likely to have nasty things to say when you express your own happiness with the situtation. LIke others, I didn't necessarily volunteer the info and by age 2 we almost never NIP, but when people asked, I just talked about how well it worked for us, etc. With flu season you can also play up how you are so thankful to be able to give her antibodies, etc. through the flu season.

[MoJo]

I think my mom is the only one (besides DH, of course) who knows I nursed past a year, other than the ped who just said I should wean her by the next visit at 15 months (which I didn't do). Exact same as you. . . just first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

I also thought extended BFing was weird until I got there, and had had several moms who nursed their kids several years ago a point of telling me so before we got to that stage.

I thought my mom would give me a hard time, but she didn't. (My mom never nursed). I hope that your mom turns out the same. I did give her my rationale for why I had changed my position from "that's kind of weird" to "that's what I'm doing for my child," including 1) helping her immune system especially during cold and flu season 2) nursing just twice a day is no longer inconvenient and 3) DD really enjoys this part of her life, and I don't have a single good reason to stop besides other people (who never see us) thinking it's strange.

The only "girls night out" I've had involved me taking my DD, so I just nursed her when we got home. She fell asleep in the car, but always wakes when I transfer her inside, so I just changed her and nursed her as usual. I think YOU would be OK to skip a night, but it would depend on how DD would do going to bed without it. (We're now in the process of an extended weaning due to my pregnancy; nursing twice a day was just too traumatic for both of us. So now she's only nursing once every few days, and we've been doing that for a few weeks. But it still makes DH nervous to think about trying to put DD to bed by himself without BF first, even though now she doesn't typically nurse before bed! And she did REALLY well with the transition.) So I'd see how your DH/baby seem to feel about that.

I hope you have a good trip!