Those with depression or other family problems

[BabyMine]

Did you ever think before you had children about possibly passing these things to your children? Are there any procautions you plan to take?

My side of the family has a genetic propensity for depression, addiction, and arthritis. I'm not really sure about DH's side. I think about this sometimes and will be on the lookout for them in the future. We thought about this before having children but figured since I had depression and arthrits we would know how to spot things early on. The addiction is the one that scares me the most especially when they get into their late teens.

[srhs]

Yes, I did/do think about it.
Since my mom had severe depression and tried to hide/manage it herself, I am very pro-active about watching for signs, talking to docs/counselors, open to meds, etc. Pretty much the opposite of her in that.

One big difference for us is our spiritual beliefs and state. DH and I both had little or dysfunctional spirituality in our family of origin, but our faith (individually and as a couple) is super important now. I hope to share that with our kids, and I think it will help them as it has us...even if they rebel, honestly.

Another is working on open communication, emotional intelligence, etc...again, lacking in both of our families, but we are actively working on this so we don't repeat with our kids. I know SO many families now in which the teens actually seem to LIKE their parents, talk to them, spend time with them, etc. This always blows my mind...DH too. So, we're trying to learn from them. I think you have to be intentional about these things, especially if it is not how you grew up.

I'm not minimizing the genetic predisposition, but there isn't much I can do about that except be aware of it. I can work on fostering a healthy homelife, though, and pray-pray-pray.

[lizzywednesday]

I used to freak out about it ... my mom's depression contributed to a lot of the nastiness during my parents' divorce and I struggled with a lot of mood-management through college.

Eventually, I reached the conclusion that it was just a part of what makes me who I am, but it doesn't have to define my life. I was lucky to have access to counseling and other services to help me through my worst days and develop coping skills for the future. I still have a few things to work on, but I do OK more of the time than I have in the past.

I have good days and I have bad days. It's harder in winter, as I am especially susceptible to SAD, but I have been doing OK ... maybe it's the pg hormones, I don't know. I accept it and move on.

Do I worry about passing these tendencies to my children? Sure, but worrying about it isn't going to change their genetics. All I can do is love my kids and do my best to help them through their own issues, whether they're emotional or developmental or whatever.

[tnrnchick74]

I thought more about this when I was undergoing fertility treatments using donor sperm. I know my family genetic tendencies, so I chose a donor who didn't have those (or any other major ones disclosed).

I'm a little scared now, because DS's father refuses to disclose any family history of ANYTHING. I know that his mother has lung cancer, but she smoked forever. I know his father has been treated for prostate cancer. I know he is morbidly obese and has the usual effects of obesity.

But I'm trying to instill good health habits in my son; proactive health activities and tests/treatments; an active lifestyle and anything else I can do. At this point we can't change genetics, but I can raise him to see illness as something that can be treated, and sometimes prevented. And this goes for mental illness as well - I have depression and a little OCD. I know what will trigger depression in me, so I do everything possible to do things that I know will help, but also be willing to treat the illness.

[wellyes]

We have a history of mild mental illness including one brother who was hospitalized for depression for several weeks. It's not something that makes me not not want to breed, though, any more than our family history of astigmatism and myopia. Having kids is such a basic human drive. It's just something to be aware of. It does make me really, really feel for the people who have to make choices based on genetic propensity for things like cycstic fibrosis or huntington's or sickle cell anemia.

[ha98ed14]

Originally Posted by BabyMine

Did you ever think before you had children about possibly passing these things to your children? Are there any procautions you plan to take?

I have major depression. I found out when I was 26/27, at which time they told me I would need to be on meds for the rest of my life. When I married DH, I told him about my issues and that of I had DD, I would have to go off meds and I did not know what that would look like, my mood, my emotional displays, etc. He said it was okay and he would deal with it. I wanted to have a DC, so I admit to being selfish and being willing to inflict my horrible condition on my baby because I wanted to have her. I can't think of another way to put it. My Dad and his mom and her dad all have mood disorders, so I feel like it is inevitable that DD will too. I feel guilty about that. That guilt, coupled with how awful my pregnancy was off meds, led me to decide that DD will be my only bio child. DH supports my decision, but I know he would not be opposed to more DC. But I am reluctant to ever go off meds ever again. So I guess my precaution is really a choice to stop reproducing.

[wellyes]

I wanted to have a DC, so I admit to being selfish and being willing to inflict my horrible condition on my baby because I wanted to have her. I can't think of another way to put it.

Oh my goodness . I think you are being so, so hard on yourself. My mom is on lifetime meds and therapy too. But I can honestly & truly say that I am very glad she opted to have me despite that.

I had DD's pregnancy without meds and it a was dreadful, dreadful 9 months. That helped me come to grips with the understanding that a mood disorder is a medical problem that requires treatment. BUT -- on the upside -- it's also a very treatable illness.

[lilycat88]

Yes, it's a concern. Between the two of us, DH and I are under treatment for depression, anxiety and severe OCD. Both sides have a history of all of those conditions plus alcoholism on DHs side. We already see DD exhibiting anxiety symptoms that are close to going over to OCD. What I would like to think we have going for us is a very good understanding of those conditions and a willingness to seek treatment for us or for our children without hesitation. Neither of us had that growing up.

I went through my first pregnancy with no antidepressant medication. This pregnancy, under the advice of my reproductive endocrinologist, my OB, my psychiatrist, and my maternat/fetal specialist, I am on medication. Am I concerned, a little. But, I'm MUCH more concerned than any of the physicians we've consulted. And, I was much more concerned about age related risks than med related risks before I had my first trimester screen. I did drop down from two antidepressants to one (my maternal/fetal specialist asked me why I did that!) and we'll be revisiting what to do during the 3rd trimester but none felt the medications I was on should discourage me from getting pregnant or staying on the meds once I was pregnant. Actually, I'm hoping to enjoy the first months of this child's life more than I did DDs.

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

Alcoholism on both sides and bipolar as well as depression. I am scared too death!

[mommylamb]

No one has a total clean bill of health. I don't have depression myself, but it does run in my family. I didn't even consider it when I got pregnant with DS as a reason not to do it. There are physical health problems in my family too, for example, my grandmother had breast cancer. But I can't imagine that stopping me from having children.