What is your schools policy and procedure in handling violence?

[gatorsmom]

I can't tell you how angry I am just writing this post. Gator is only 6yo and in Kindergarten and already I'm having to figure this stuff out. Our school says they have a "no tolerance" policy in dealing with kids who continually bully and taunt other kids. However, I seriously think their procedure in handling this is simply, "don't hit or I'll tell you again don't hit." I don't have time to get into it here- probably later when the kids are sleeping but Gator is seeing his best friend (who is small for his age and gifted and put in a grade higher) being hurt and targeted on a daily basis. Gator is stronger and bigger and doesn't the bullying as much but he knows we don't like violence in our house. He's takes karate lessons but he has never used them on anyone as he knows how we feel about that. But after seeing his friend getting hurt a lot and he occasionally gets picked on himself- with very little protection from the school- I told him to warn anyone who is picking on him that he's going to push them and then if they come at him again he should kick give them one hard kick or push to the chest and put them down. Then tell the teacher or principal to call me since I told him he could.

I hate violence and it angers me that I should have to tell him this. This is not ideal. This is a fix until I talk to the prinicipal and teachers and figure out a way to get this solved. An ideal situation would be one where all the kids looked forward to recess with innocent excitement knowing they will not be hurt by others while out there. Instead we have children who look forward to recess with trepidation because they may have to defend themselves.

Ok, I have a lot more to say on this subject and many more thoughts on this, particularly that my fix (by telling Gator to kick someone) is not a fix and that it will only escalate the situation. And I intend to move quickly on this, but forthe time being I thought I'd ask your opinions on this.

[StantonHyde]

I am assuming that you have talked to the teacher or whomever is outside at recess?? That would be my first step. Then the principal. Then the district. ugh.

In the meantime, I think it is ok to tell Gator to go get an adult when he is being bullied. (first step) He needs to be using his words. STOP that, I don't like it. What happens if he just walks away?

If he is getting adults and they are not caring or not taking measures to separate kids, then he may need to defend himself. And, as sad as it sounds, sometimes that is what a bully needs.

[gatorsmom]

Originally Posted by StantonHyde

If he is getting adults and they are not caring or not taking measures to separate kids, then he may need to defend himself. And, as sad as it sounds, sometimes that is what a bully needs.

Yes, I'm talking to the teacher and the principal. And the next step would be our doormat pastor. sigh.

Unfortunately, I agree with what you posted above. But like I said, it's not an ideal situation. When i told the principal that I gave Gator the ok to use his karate, he said that was fine. Not what I expected to hear. What I expected was, no violence is ever a solution and we do not advocate this. I expected to hear that one more incident and the offender would be suspended. I have more to say but cant' right now.....

[bubbaray]

I PMd you.

[ThreeofUs]

I think you have no choice but to give your child permission to defend himself. But be careful to cover your butt, Lisa, or your child will suffer for standing up to the bullies. You want these discussions with school reps documented and you want to be sure they have letters from you also documenting the bullying.

They have a zero tolerance policy, even if they are acting as though they don't. You can be sure the bully's parents know about this policy and will howl to high heaven about it when their little 'angel' gets his comeuppance. Gator will be the one suspended and with a little note in his file - not the bully - unless you can absolutely prove the school knew and did nothing about the situation AND that you informed them AND that your child had permission from you and from the school reps to defend himself.

[sste]

Lisa, any chance this principal will be retiring soon? I think it is a very, very bad sign he said it was OK for Gator to use his karate!!

A while back someone here posted an innovative bullying curriculum that essentially involved the entire class. Rather than just the victim facing the bully the entire class was instructed on how to tell the bully to stop, to report it to a teacher, etc. Sorry, I can't remember the name but maybe someone here can?

I would print all that out for gator's teacher and see if she is willing to work on this with the class.

[Indianamom2]

Lisa,

First, I am so sorry. You have so much on your plate right now that I can't even imagine.

Second, I can't say I blame you one bit for telling Gator to defend himself, and I would be STUNNED to hear the principal's response as well, but I 100% agree that you need to be documenting every discussion you have because as another poster mentioned, it will be Gator who gets punished if he does strike back, even though it's not fair.

I know you don't have any extra time to deal with this right now, but as soon as you do, I'd go right on past the principal's head and up to the superintendant. The principal doesn't sound like he/she has a clue.

[mytwosons]

I'm sorry you are in this situation!

You do not want Gator in the situation of getting in trouble. Even if it's ok with you, many schools will not accept a child who has had a suspension within the past two years. Not that you are looking to change schools now, but you want to keep your options open, KWIM?

I hate to say it, but this probably won't be the only time Gator is in this situation. I would tell him what to say and have him practice how to say it. Then, it's up to you to raise a huge stink with the school. Take no prisoners. The situation is not condusive to Gator's learning, is causing him emotional distress, is physically unsafe, etc. Give the principal one chance than keep going up the ladder. Let them know you will pull your child from the school if they can't provide him a safe environment. Put everything in writing. Demand they provide you with a plan to stop the bullying.

Good luck!

[ehf]

I teach. Counteracting bullying is hard because there are so many legal hurdles to jump through. It sounds like your school administration is not even trying. I agree with the posters about documenting correspondence with the district.

I would also call the police. Be very specific about the behaviors. Be very careful not to embellish or theorize about anything.

As extreme as that might sound, many cities and states either have or are creating very intense anti-bullying legislation. If your child does fight back, and there's no documentation, the consequences could be more extreme than not getting into a new school.

[mamicka]

Originally Posted by gatorsmom

Our school says they have a "no tolerance" policy in dealing with kids who continually bully and taunt other kids. However, I seriously think their procedure in handling this is simply, "don't hit or I'll tell you again don't hit."

& this is another big chunk of why we decided that homeschooling was a better fit for our family.

Sorry you're dealing with this.