consequences for waking the baby

[kristac]

Arg! I just spent 2 hours trying to get the baby down for a nap and finally gave up. Everytime he would drift off one of the older boys (almost 3 and 5.5 years) would make a loud noise and wake him up. This happens ALL the time. Mostly they are playing. But I ask them repeatedly to play quietly and they can't help themselves by roaring or reving thier car engines or blowing thier train whistles or whatever self made sound effect. I try having them play elsewhere in the house but they often wander back to wherever I am or they are still so LOUD that it doesn't matter that they are across the house. Also DS2 is a SCREAMER. He will scream at the slightest provocation. I tell you he is the world's loudest child. You'd think with 2 big brothers the baby would not be such a light sleeper.

And then there is the issue of them coming into our room (the baby is in my room) in the mornings and nap/quiet time (or sometimes the middle of the night) and loudly demanding breakfast (or covered, or more drink, or tv time, or whatever). I get so little sleep as it is (still bfing often ever 2 hours at night) and if the baby wakes then I have to get him back to sleep, etc.

Today I told DS1 that we weren't going to go to the park today because we used up that time trying to get the baby down for a nap since the older boys could not be quiet. Yesterday when DS1 woke the baby during afternoon nap I took away his TV privilages for the day. I need something consistant that I can make stick to get across to the older boys that they need to RESPECT the baby's right to sleep.

Please help me!

[baymom]

How exhausting...and frustrating! I have no ideas, but just wanted to say I totally sympathize. I have the identical situation every morning with DS waking up DD--not really on purpose, but just because he is loud and happy in the mornings. ...it sure gets my day off to a bad start! I'll be watching this this thread carefully for ideas from other BBB Moms!

[Green_Tea]

Can they play outside? LOTS of white noise for the baby? TV/movie time for the older boys while baby sleeps? Can DH take them out?

In all honesty, I think that boys (or girls) that age WILL make noise and it's not reasonable to expect that they will stay quiet for long periods of time. We live in small house, so I always surrounded baby with LOTS of LOUD white noise to drown out the surrounding chaos. I swear by a fan on high, pointing away from the crib or bassinet. Wearing out the older kids before baby's nap might help as well - bring them to the park for an hour before naptime and get them good and tired, then make it movie or TV time while baby naps.

Hang in there !

[JBaxter]

It sounds like your on the right track. It does eventually click. I also highly recommend a white noise machine.

[TwoBees]

Originally Posted by JBaxter

It sounds like your on the right track. It does eventually click. I also highly recommend a white noise machine.

DD doesn't seem to wake up to any white noises, even if I start the washer or vacuum suddenly. But at the slightest wisper, she is up. White noise helps to drown out other things. We like the sleep sheep.

[Katigre]

I remember those days - it was so incredibly frustrating, I felt like DD never got enough sleep because something was always disrupting her nap. Now that she's 15 months old it is just a distant memory - this stage will pass sooner than you think, it will get easier (and the baby will learn to sleep more deeply too).

I don't think taking away active outside time will help with the noise factor in the house. It sounds like they have a lot of energy and the more outlets they have, the better.

What honestly worked best for us was to have the kids with me in the room when I was nursing DD to sleep and since they were with me they learned how to whisper and cuddle quietly - vs. if they were outside the room they made so much noise and woke her up.

I second the white noise machine for the baby (or also try having the baby fall asleep on your back in a carrier - for some reason DD and DS would not wake up to loud noises on my back but they would laying in bed).

I don't think that punishment will result in them being quiet because it's due to their lack of immaturity, and since you're not able to be right there with them helping them stay quiet. I would probably do something like this:

1. Bring out special quiet toys that are only for the times you're putting the baby to bed.

2. Save tv time for when the baby needs to sleep

3. Get a white noise machine for the baby's room or put a fan on loudly in the baby's room.

4. Spend lots of time practicing whispering and demonstrating quiet things to play with your boys - it will be hardest for the 3 year old but the 5 year old should be able to catch on to this. DS was able to stay quiet for DD's sleeping by whispering by the time he was 3.5 I think.

5. Realize that this happens to everyone - it happened to me, it happened to my friends, the youngest child (especially the 3rd one) just doesn't get the same amount of uninterrupted sleep that the older ones get due to the nature of having others in the house who don't have the maturity to be quiet for long periods of time.

[Raidra]

We eventually switch to white noise, but when our kids are really little, we keep the radio or TV on. I think that having the unevenness of music or talking at the start of naptime and continuing throughout prevents big-kid-noises from waking up the baby. White noise worked a little, but inevitably one of the kids would be louder than the white noise and still startle the baby awake. There was less startling if whatever background noise was uneven to begin with, you know?

As for consequences.. I'd definitely do something like, "We can't go to the park today like we wanted because the baby didn't get a good nap" - substituting whatever activity gets 'ruined' due to poor napping. But if nothing is actually ruined, aside from your temper, I wouldn't do consequences.. it's just not feasible to keep kids quiet all the time. At the most, I would say, "Mommy is really unhappy and grouchy that you woke up the baby.. I'm not in the mood to play XYZ with you right now, you'll have to wait until later."

[Katigre]

Wanted to try and figure out some more ideas...

1. Are they getting lots of practice in whispering requests? I would make them rephrase their request in a whisper every time (modeling it to start ex. DS1: "I want breakfast!" You: (whisper) "I want breakfast please") so they will soon get the pattern that in your room only whispering is allowed and responded to.

2. Put out food they can easily get for themselves for breakfast/snacks (cereal bars, cheese sticks, fruit, dry cereal) to cut down on your workload

3. Are you able to nurse laying down with the baby? That really helped me with lack of sleep in those early months (and heck, even now it does :blush). I would have DS lay on one side of me and DD on the other and whenever she needed to sleep we'd all cuddle together - this let me rest and kept DS quiet too. I'd bring books for him to look at. I don't know if it would work with your boys or not but it's worth a shot. I spent so many frustrating nap times with DS standing outside the door repeatedly asking to come in and waking DD up while I hissed angrily for him to be quiet, and once I switched tactics and had him in the room laying on the bed from the start, it was 100x easier (and quieter!), which surprised me but if it worked I stuck with it.

[american_mama]

I do not know if this will help you, but I used to feel exactly the same when my second was a baby and my oldest would wake her up, usually out of general exuberance/unawareness rather than maliciousness. I would be so enraged, yet so trapped there in the baby's bedroom, trying to remain quiet and still in my fury and hoping against hope that the baby would settle back down.

Fast forward to my third child and I just had a different attitude. I just thought the anger wasn't worth it, and the third child would just have to learn to settle back down, either with me or on his own. I will be the first to say this approach might have been successful becuase DC3 generally DID settle down well and was generally an easy baby. I might speak in a low to normal voice to my older children, telling them to quiet down or I might go to the outer edge of where they could see me and motion to them. Sometimes I laid DC3 down and left him there to settle on his own while speaking to my other kids. Sometimes I came back, sometimes I didn't.

My point is that I just had a happier attitude about it, felt DC3 would have to adapt to having other children around, and that I wouldn't get that enraged anymore. It is a favorite example of mine of how having a different attidue with a third child was helpful compared to my attitude with a second. Again, this may be of no help to you and that's fine... I can understand that some might feel this is just accepting the un-acceptable.

eta: Just skimmed a few other posts. Even once baby is able to fall asleep well, you might still find the third child's sleep gets interrupted or shortened due to the needs of other children. It happens to us all the time, and I know my friend with 7 kids concurs. It's not fair, but it happens and you just try to balance schedules and different kids needs and, for me, I'm grateful that DS sleeps great at night!

[m448]

Yeah it's the cost of having siblings. I found that wearing baby and having the olders in the same room like katigre mentioned was key. I also did a lot of nursing baby to sleep in the living room right in the middle of the action then I'd slip off just to set her down in my nearby room. That helped her adjust to the noise level and I could keep the older ones in check.