Did I overreact?

[infomama]

I feel kind of silly posting about this but I want a little insight. DH and I are really trying to be diplomatic but yesterday we caught dd1 in a lie. She is not a 'problem' kid at all. I am wondering if I overreacted....

I went to the store with Dd2 and DH stayed home to work in the yard. Dd1 stayed behind as she said she wanted to color...fine. When I put supper on the table she groaned, she wasn't hungry. I asked her if she ate something while I was at the store and she said yes, a granola bar. We went over the asking for snacks thing and had her sit with us as we ate supper (which she did not like..folded arms, random stinky looks). She ate her veggies, drank her milk and ate a little ice cream with us for dessert. I find out today that it was not a granola bar but TWO giant almond cookies (the kind with the chocolate glob on top) that my mom had brought over. I know why she lied (covering up) but I was so upset I took away her pool time. DH thinks we shouldn't punish Dd2 for Dd1's lie and that she should be able to go to the pool. I think this will just cause more problems.

[edurnemk]

I don't know if you overreacted or not, since I only have a 2.5 yo DS. I think lying is a serious matter, so I may have reacted like you.

But I did want to comment on the punishing both kids for the mistake of one thing. Don't do it!. My dad did this all the time. My brother was quite the rebel as a teenager and when he got grounded so did I ("M is grounded so no one is going out this weekend" ridiculous), just to avoid the drama of "why can my sister do it if I can't?". It caused a lot of resentment, and my brother kept misbehaving because as he said quite openly "what's the benefit of following rules? I don't see you getting any privileges, so don't be dumb and do whatever you want".

And it's not fair for the kid who did nothing wrong. For this particular case, is there a way that DD2 could have her pool time? Or that she could get to do some other activiy instead of it for this occassion?

[infomama]

Originally Posted by edurnemk

For this particular case, is there a way that DD2 could have her pool time?

Yes, DH could take her and I would stay back with Dd1. I just worry about the resentment as Dd1 is very tolerant of Dd2 now.

[TwinFoxes]

Originally Posted by edurnemk

And it's not fair for the kid who did nothing wrong.

As another younger sister, let me tell you, it sucks.

[belovedgandp]

Our oldest is 6 and we've had this issue on and off over the last year. I try to clarify two distinct consequences when he's caught in a lie like that - one is for the lie and one is for the wrong behavior. We emphasize it a lot in conversations when he's right on the edge of saying a lie to cover up something - especially when it's something he would not get in trouble for. So we have a lot of conversations that go - "It's OK to forget to XYZ you just need to do it now, but if you lie about having it done already then there will be a consequence."

[s7714]

To begin with, I wouldn't have given her dessert/ice cream after finding out she ate something she wasn't supposed to, regardless of what it was. Especially if she only picked at her dinner. But then we have the "you have to finish ALL your dinner to get dessert" rule.

I'd probably give her a stern talking to being that it's a first offense. Further offenses--specifically related to sneaking snacks without asking--would result in loosing dessert at multiple meals, not being allowed to go out of sight of a parent all day (if she can't be trusted to stay out of the kitchen, iykwim), etc.

[infomama]

Ouchy but your right, Jenn...we shouldn't have given her dessert.

[hillview]

I'd figure out a way for DD2 to get to go to the pool. Agree no ice cream. Also I'd more likely so something like the treats go out of reach or she can't stay on her own while you are outside for the next 2 days etc.
/hillary

[JBaxter]

Originally Posted by s7714

To begin with, I wouldn't have given her dessert/ice cream after finding out she ate something she wasn't supposed to, regardless of what it was. Especially if she only picked at her dinner. But then we have the "you have to finish ALL your dinner to get dessert" rule.

I'd probably give her a stern talking to being that it's a first offense. Further offenses--specifically related to sneaking snacks without asking--would result in loosing dessert at multiple meals, not being allowed to go out of sight of a parent all day (if she can't be trusted to stay out of the kitchen, iykwim), etc.

We would probably go this route. Here you must finish ALL your dinner to get dessert.

[mamicka]

Being honest... I think you overreacted. Lying is a big deal, but how you deal with it IMO can make it much worse.