Feeling sad for DD - would you e-mail the teacher about this?

[randomkid]

DD started K two weeks ago, but missed all of the first week except the first day due to being sick. I was concerned about the social aspect of it and, as it turns out, it seems I was right. This was DD's first full week. She had a little problem in class today that the teacher talked to me about. She was upset about something and when the teacher tried to talk to her about it, she wouldn't speak. So, on the way home, I talked to DD about it and she said she didn't want the other kids to see the teacher talking to her about something and that she was "scared". It's not the teacher, but the new situation. Then, she told me at recess today she tried to play with several girls and they were all paired up with someone else and no one would play with her. She even tried to play with a friend from preK (who is in a different K class, but was outside at the same time as DD) and even she wouldn't play with DD. I'm finding at this age that girls tend to pair up. DD told me she just sat on a bench. I asked why she didn't talk to the teacher and she said the teacher was too busy. Apparently, her teacher didn't see her just sitting on the bench. DD was crying and I wanted to burst into tears for her. She has never had this much trouble adjusting to a new situation and has always been able to make friends easily. I feel she just needs a little help right now because she is feeling very overwhelmed.

I have had to e-mail the teacher about a couple of other things this week and I don't want to be "that parent", but I don't want DD to hate school either. Would you wait another week or e-mail the teacher about nobody wanting to play with DD and what happened on the playground. This is a Christian school and I'm sure the kids would be told that they should all play together and not exclude others. I'm also wondering if I should let her know what DD said about not wanting the kids to see the teacher talking to her about "the problem".

[o_mom]

I would e-mail or talk to the teacher. Just say that because she missed that first week, she could use some help getting to know the other kids. Ask if the teacher could help her with this. I don't know that I would go into specifics about the other kids or anything at this point.

[sarahsthreads]

Oh, I want to cry for your DD too.

I think I would email the teacher, because I'm sure she'd be willing to keep an eye out for her at recess and make sure there's someone including her in their play. I don't know if I'd bring up the worry about someone seeing the teacher talk to her - eventually she'll see that the teacher talks to other kids about problems and see that it's perfectly fine and normal, kwim? But I'd definitely be concerned about the not being included during recess bit.

I don't think being concerned about a difficult beginning to kindergarten (being sick for most of the first week definitely counts as a difficult beginning!) will earn you the "that parent" label.

I hope next week is better for her!!

Sarah

[scrooks]

I'm sorry your DD had such a hard week!
I hope things get better for her!

[niccig]

I would mention it to the teacher too.

We had our class party last night and I was talking to our K teacher. Over half the class is moving up from pre-K and we have 8 new kids. He told me they'll concentrate on getting the 2 groups integrated, and that would mean pairing kids up with someone not their friend for certain tasks, so they get to know each other in the classroom as well as out on the playground. Maybe you could ask for this - for her to be paired up with someone different during class activities for a little while.

[hillview]

Originally Posted by o_mom

I would e-mail or talk to the teacher. Just say that because she missed that first week, she could use some help getting to know the other kids. Ask if the teacher could help her with this. I don't know that I would go into specifics about the other kids or anything at this point.

I agree I'd just ask for some help for DD to make some friends since she missed the first week.
/hillary

[crl]

I think I might email the teacher, but I explain the concern and then ask her for suggestions for girls that might be good matches to have over for playmates. That way I'd be alerting the teacher to the issue, but also trying to solve things myself.

Catherine

[ehf]

Trust me, you won't be "that parent" if you just explain your concerns.

Here's an example of "that parent." I'm making up the content b/c I actually teach 8th grade, but not the tone or language:

"My daughter told me that you wouldn't help her at recess because you were too busy. I'm very disappointed that you aren't taking your students' needs seriously. You must not have realized that she was absent for so long and now she is being penalized for something beyond her control. I hope this won't continue to happen. Please make the other girls include her in all of their games."

Um, I'm assuming that's not where you're headed.

I frequently have parents who, through a variety of coincidences, end up wanting to contact me quite a bit at the beginning of the year. They usually express some sort of hesitation and dismay; it's totally unwarranted. As long as you make it clear that you are just sharing your daughter's concerns, experiences, and perspectives, and that you are asking for suggestions, help, and feedback, you are unlikely to earn a negative reputation. You really would be shocked at some of the rude, ignorant emails we receive! Seriously, some of the phrasing above is verbatim. Even then, we don't take it out on the kids!

[randomkid]

Originally Posted by ehf

"My daughter told me that you wouldn't help her at recess because you were too busy. I'm very disappointed that you aren't taking your students' needs seriously. You must not have realized that she was absent for so long and now she is being penalized for something beyond her control. I hope this won't continue to happen. Please make the other girls include her in all of their games."

Um, I'm assuming that's not where you're headed.

Definitely NOT where I'm headed!

And yes, by coincidence, I have had to e-mail the teacher several times so far. Firstly, because DD was out sick, I e-mailed her daily to give her updates. Then, I e-mailed her a question about homework. Next, it was about DD not using the bathroom ALL day! She went at 7am when she got up, then not again until we got home at 5:30 - not the teacher's fault, I just wanted her to be aware. Again to volunteer for an upcoming field trip, then asking for suggestions to make carpool line easier for DD (that's a whole other post - watch for it!) And now this! Ugh - I feel like such an idiot!

[wendibird22]

Originally Posted by crl

I think I might email the teacher, but I explain the concern and then ask her for suggestions for girls that might be good matches to have over for playmates. That way I'd be alerting the teacher to the issue, but also trying to solve things myself.

Catherine

This is how I would approach it as well. Asking for recommendations on how I could help my DD or advice I could give my DD. More likely than not the teacher will not only offer advice but also volunteer to get involved as well all while being impressed that a parent wants to take a role in problem solving.