A wwyd obo dh

[ha98ed14]

DH has a student (10 y.o.) who, by the BBB mom standards, would probably be considered neglected. The student comes to school in visibly dirty, tattered clothes, hair not brushed, etc. DH is continually having trouble getting the student to turn in assignments. Recently DH helped the student go through the student's backpack to find assignments, and found old lunch remains that had turned moldy. DH emailed his parents about the moldy lunches because he saw it as a health risk, but overall it seems like no one is checking in with this child on a day to day basis. The parents emailed back and apologized, even said they were embarrassed and would try to help the student stay more on top of things.

Now the issue has become that the student smells. DH estimates that the child hasn't had a bath in over 2 weeks. It's mid year and pre-puberty is setting in, so it's probably a newer issue for the student and parents to be aware of. DH feels the need to say something, but to who(m?)? The school has no nurse or counselor presence at this time because of budget cuts. Should he go to the principal or contact the parents directly?

FWIW, the student also has some social issues, spitting into hands, rubbing them together and wiping it on the desk or other students; masturbating while sitting at desk in class. DH quietly addresses these issues with the student as they happen, which is multiple times per day. He hasn't addressed the social issues with the parents, and I don't think he plans to. I asked DH if he thinks the student is being molested, but DH says no because the student is overall a happy kid. He also said that having met the parents, he is not surprised that the child has these issues. The parents are equally awkward.

[tmahanes]

I would check with the principal to see if there is a system wide counselor that can be called in to meet with the child and the parents. I have worked places that had one counselor for several schools who was available as needed.

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[SpaceGal]

Originally Posted by tmahanes

I would check with the principal to see if there is a system wide counselor that can be called in to meet with the child and the parents. I have worked places that had one counselor for several schools who was available as needed.

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School or social counselor. A lot of those issues will be a huge problem as time goes on for the child and will begin if it hasn't already disrupt classmates and what not.

[AnnieW625]

Agree with the prior posters. Let the school admins know about the problem and definitely have a meeting with the parents.

[MamaMolly]

Oh man, situations like this are exactly why teachers *need* support staff. Well, if there isn't a counselor in the school system to help, I suggest your DH do a lesson on Health and Hygiene in a general sort of way. Tell the students they need to bathe a minimum of once a week, brushing hair daily,etc. etc. Maybe he could hand out sample size soap or shampoo to the kids? At the very least I'd be doing a LOT of mandatory hand washing throughout the day. If he'd rather not discuss bathing with the female students could he swap students with another female teacher? She could take the girls and he'd take the boys?

Personally I think a 10 year old can handle taking a bath, washing his clothing, and learn how to be clean and presentable. Do I think he ought to handle those things alone? Ideally no, but if the kid is 10 and is dirty, it isn't like mom and dad are exactly helicopter parents. So long as his house has running water, he can get clean. (that might be something for the school system to look in to.)

It could also be that his parents are trying, but just don't know what to do. My step sister drove my dad and her mom nuts by refusing to bathe, being a general slob, and walking around with nasty greasy hair all the time. Then her rebellion was to become vegan. What ever. The point is that the parents could actually care and be on top of things and just not able to get through to this kid.

[ahisma]

Is the student receiving special services at all? DH is a high school teacher and has some students with similar behaviors, one of the special ed teachers usually addresses it. I know that she often has hygiene talks with the kids and a few of them shower at school with special arrangements.

FWIW, I have a 12 y.o. DD and would not be at all surprised to learn that there were moldy sandwiches in her locker, and I *know* that her homework isn't getting turned in, despite our exhaustive efforts (it's done nightly, but rarely turned in). And, if I didn't remind her 983 times a week to shower every other night, she wouldn't. We're on top of it...but it's admittedly exhausting some times. Some things, like her locker, just don't ever hit the "now I can find time to deal with this" list.