How to deal with lying in a preschooler

[JoyNChrist]

So DS1 has started lying about little things. Mostly to avoid getting in trouble (which I understand is pretty developmentally normal). For example, yesterday I asked him to clean up his toys out of the living room. He came in the kitchen a few minutes later and I asked if he had put all the toys in his room. He said yes. When I went to check, he had left half of them in the living room, and shoved the other half under the couch. Or like this morning, he refused to eat his eggs after I cooked them (and I let him choose what we had for breakfast), so I told him he couldn't have any crackers (the kid would live on crackers if I let him). A few minutes later I heard some crinkling, and caught him throwing a cracker package in the trash. I asked him if he got some crackers even though I told him he couldn't and with a mouth full of crackers, he told me no.

I know this is normal, but I'm not sure how I handle it. I feel like if I punish him, it just makes him less likely to tell the truth. I'm also not really sure how to explain the concept of lying to a newly four-year-old (albeit a very bright one).

[trcy]

Originally Posted by JoyNChrist

with a mouth full of crackers, he told me no.

I am sorry I have no advice as DD is only 3mo, but I wanted to thank you for giving me my daily laugh.

[Green_Tea]

Aren't four year olds just a hoot? I have one myself, and he's quite the scamp .

Like you said, what you are describing is developmentally normal. Magical thinking is still pretty prevalent in young fours (I just took a psych test on this ). I would give him fewer opportunities to fib. If you know that he's eating crackers when he not supposed to, don't say, "Are you eating a cracker?" but instead say, "I told you no crackers. You must finish your eggs before you have a snack." Same with the toys - after he's had enough time to complete the task, say, "Let's go into the living room and see if your toys are all put where they belong" rather than asking him if he's done it.

It's frustrating, and at that age some kids really struggle with the concept of truthfulness so it can be a hard lesson to teach. It IS entertaining when they flat out lie about something like the crackers, though! Once my son insisted that he had not been playing with paints - it was all over his face!

[hillview]

Originally Posted by Green_Tea

Like you said, what you are describing is developmentally normal. Magical thinking is still pretty prevalent in young fours (I just took a psych test on this ). I would give him fewer opportunities to fib. If you know that he's eating crackers when he not supposed to, don't say, "Are you eating a cracker?" but instead say, "I told you no crackers. You must finish your eggs before you have a snack." Same with the toys - after he's had enough time to complete the task, say, "Let's go into the living room and see if your toys are all put where they belong" rather than asking him if he's done it.

At this point I'd avoid the "you are lying to me" and just redirect to focus on the correct answer and avoid set up for lying. Keep reenforcing that DS has to tell the truth and what that means (saying what really happened) and that you don't get in trouble for telling the truth.
/hillary

[Katigre]

Let me dig up a few past threads for you - it is completely age typical and not indicative of future character traits.

[Katigre]

Here is the one that came up (the 'words as magic' article really helped me put it into perspective and how to strategize to teach truth-telling): http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin...d.php?t=385010

[LMPC]

I'm with green tea on this one. And I would absolutely write down the crackers in the mouth moment...classic!

[DrSally]

One thing to do is not ask. Instead of saying, "Did you eat some crackers", you could say "I know you ate some crackers, and we discussed that you wouldn't get any crackers, etc., etc.". It doesn't give them the chance to lie, KWIM? I don't know what to do when you honestly don't know what happened, but I think this works well for the times that you do know.

ETA: Oh yeah, and totally developmentally normal.

[ShanaMama]

I agree with the pp- it's normal but try not to give him the chance to lie. I wanted to add that he may also be looking for some extra attention. It's not that long since his life & family dynamic changed drastically & maybe some of the love is wearing off for him. I believe that if you (a kid) tell the truth about something when you wanted to lie, you don't get punished for the trouble you did. Not saying that clearly, but if DD did something wrong but told the truth she would be praised for telling the truth & reprimanded gently for the misdeed but not punished. I don't want her to regret telling the truth. I also try to avoid giving her the opportunity- so if I see she took something I'll make a statement that assumes it instead of asking outright.