How do I tell friend's 8 y.o. to be more careful with the baby?

[momm]

Our friends have an 8 year old girl who *loves* babies. But she does not know how to be soft or careful with them.

When DS was a month old she came over excitedly put her hand in his mouth. I immediately took the baby out of her reach and explained to her not to.

Ever since then it's been a battle.

Her mom *always* disciplines her, and tells her ALL the time to be careful as it's a small baby.

Well my "baby" is nine months old now and still this 8 y.o. hasn't changed her ways.

They come over often and she's *always* in his face. I keep picking him up and away from her for this reason.

The other day her dad picked DS up, and was about two feet away from me. The 8 y.o. saw that I was away and grabbed DS's cheeks with such force that he yelled. I snatched him away and said to her, "You hurt him. Did you mean to hurt him?" just so that she would understand. But she just grinned.

Again, I am sure it's out of love. But I want to put a stop to this without having to yell at her. No amount of explaining, from me or her parents, seems to work.

I have no doubt that it will happen again. Short of never letting her within a foot of DS, what should I do? How rude will it be to complain to her mom in a nice way?

[lizzywednesday]

UGH.

I go over this with our 8-almost-9-year-old niece ALL.THE.TIME.

And it REALLY bothers me that I have to repeatedly tell her to back the frack off of my baby. Following DD 2 inches behind her heels as she toddles around is NOT helpful and, for the love of all that is holy, please LET HER FALL AND PICK HERSELF UP. SHE DOESN'T NEED YOU TO DO IT FOR HER.

But I digress.

She loves her, but I am firm that she may not hold DD without MY permission and that she needs to give DD some space. It's not that I don't trust the kid, but after you catch her sneaking into your CLOSED bedroom (where your infant is happily napping) and you have no idea what she's going to do, yeah, you get a little paranoid.

I remember how I was at that age and I'd NEVER have pulled a lot of the crap that our niece has pulled.

You're not being paranoid.

Sounds like the kid has limits/boundary issues and you need to be VERY clear about them. If it takes constant reminders, it takes constant reminders. And, please, sit down with her folks and explain that it does make you nervous that she doesn't seem to understand how to appropriately handle a small child.

[mackmama]

This would really bother me. I would keep my DC out of physical reach and explain your approach to the other mother. I'm so sorry - sounds stressful. It would affect the amount of time I spent around that family.

[blondflava]

Not a baby story but when I was around 4/5 years old, my family took me to a farm where there were small chicks just hatched. I held one and loved it so much that they had to wrestle it out of my grip because I almost smooshed it... Poor chick.
But an 8 year old should understand how she needs to be gentle with a baby, I d just separate her from the baby, until she understands better.

[luckytwenty]

My kids are 5 & 8 and never would do any of that crap!! Sorry, how frustrating. I'd honestly be annoyed at the adults here for not intervening more.

[Pennylane]

I Would just gently explain to her that she is being too rough with the baby and tell her if it continues you will have to speak with her parents about it.

Ann

[Indianamom2]

Honestly, I think you have to do whatever it takes to keep your little one safe, even if that means restricting access/time with this particular little girl. It sounds like you've been doing all the right things, but the little girl isn't listening or caring....or she may have some underlying issues that you are not aware of (Adhd/impulse control come to mind here).

I am constantly telling DD to be more gentle with Ds. She's generally pretty good about it, but she still has her moments. She was recently diagnosed with probably ADHD and she is impulsive. She knows what she's supposed to do, but I think sometimes she really can't help herself right now. It's always a possibility for this friend's child.

Either way, you have to keep your child safe, so do whatever you need to do.

I just wanted to add that DD would NEVER be less than gentle with any other child except her brother, and I would NEVER allow her to do, especially not repeatedly. The little girl's mother needs to step up here.

[Me and B]

The next time I see this little girl I would sit down and have a talk with her. Before she has a chance to be with your baby I would explain what is ok to do and what is not ok to do with your baby. Make sure she understand that she must ask you first to touch your baby. I would have this chat with her everytime you see here and the baby is near. This way you know she has heard the rules and underrstands them. Then keep a very very close eye out on your baby as I am sure she will test the limits and may need reminders.

[TwinFoxes]

Originally Posted by Indianamom2

Honestly, I think you have to do whatever it takes to keep your little one safe, even if that means restricting access/time with this particular little girl. It sounds like you've been doing all the right things, but the little girl isn't listening or caring....or she may have some underlying issues that you are not aware of (Adhd/impulse control come to mind here).

Completely and utterly agree. I'm not sure what talking to the mom will do, since it seems like she's there and already tells her daughter "no". Unless of course you're planning to say "if she can't be gentle she can't visit" which it doesn't sound like you're prepared to do. It sounds really stressful, and honestly I wouldn't be able to handle having her visit. I'd just meet her mom for one on one time.

[geochick]

So why wouldn't you tell the 8yo to knock it off. I have a 7yo, and he doesn't know a thing about babies. They can't learn unless a responsible adult steps in. You're that person, so step in, and make it a learning experience. Don't worry about feelings. Good luck.