Do we still think men have it easy?

[sunshineandme]

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/...men-study-says

I agree with this article 100% - DH is a loving father and understands that ours is an equal partnership. And wants nothing but to make sure all responsibilities are shared. But he does have a demanding job, and must do justice to his career - he owes that to himself as much as I do to myself wrt my career. So, it's not just me who is wanting/having to do all and be all, but him too.

Do you feel that way too?

[citymama]

I definitely don't think my DH has it easy. He never catches a break and does very little for himself. Today he: took care of DD2 (we trade childcare), chaperoned a field trip at DD1's preschool, worked while DD2 napped, then fixed our dinner, picked up DD1 from school, did groceries, helped clean up after dinner, including steam mopping the kitchen! This is a lot like my day when I'm the childcare provider.

We both stay up working till the wee hours to make up for work stuff we missed. We do very little for ourselves and when we do, it is something for both of us to do together. We don't get enough sleep, me time or couple time. It sounds awful (or maybe familiar!) but we eat mighty well (homecooked meals every night), spend lots of time with our kids, and take care of our home ourselves, while holding down jobs that give us a lot of satisfaction (and that pay the bills!). I dream of a housekeeper we will never have, and the babysitter we should probably hire so we can have date nights and time to unpack our boxes (we moved three
months ago!). But I wouldn't say for a minute that my DH is pulling any less weight around here than I am!

[weech]

My DH definitely does not have it easy. His job is not all that demanding most of the time, but I feel like his home life is. He does a ton of stuff around the house, helps with cooking, takes DS to the nanny share every morning, and takes care of the dogs. I don't really clean or do dishes, I never walk the dogs by myself, etc. Our division of labor is a little bit unbalanced, but it seems to work for us.

He does things for himself sometimes, like going to happy hour or golfing with friends, but he should do it more. Maybe I'll tell him to plan a man date soon

[g-mama]

My dh does NOT have it easy. He just pulled his second (almost) all-nighter in a row (slept two hours last night, one hour the night before) working on a project for a deadline. While that is not common, he does work like a dog most of the time. He comes home most nights around 7 so he can see the kids for a couple of hours and then resumes working for 3-4 hours at home, otherwise he'd never see them.

When he is not working, he is actively engaged with the family and/or doing projects around the house, etc. He helps around the house and does not expect me to do it all. He never pulls an "I'm tired, I worked all week" excuse to get out of doing his share. He does sleep in longer than me and will sack out on the couch from time to time on weekends and that is A-OK with me.

He has it so hard that I really worry about his health. We keep hearing about men his age (mid-40s) having heart attacks and dropping dead. I am terrified about that.

[BabyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by weech

My DH definitely does not have it easy. His job is not all that demanding most of the time, but I feel like his home life is. He does a ton of stuff around the house, helps with cooking, takes DS to the nanny share every morning, and takes care of the dogs. I don't really clean or do dishes, I never walk the dogs by myself, etc. Our division of labor is a little bit unbalanced, but it seems to work for us.

He does things for himself sometimes, like going to happy hour or golfing with friends, but he should do it more. Maybe I'll tell him to plan a man date soon

My DH WOH FT and has a busy job, but he doesn't have to travel much or work a lot of OT like some of the other dads here. But he does take on more than his share of stuff at home. He does daycare pick up, and they get home usually about 90 minutes before I do. We split the cooking and I usually do the dishes. But he does all the garbage, takes care of the dog, keeps the house tidy during the week, does all the shlepping for the laundry (I do the folding). He also does all of the outside/lawn care, which isn't much given that we live in a townhouse, but it adds up. He used to do the bulk of the cleaning, but we hired a cleaning lady after DD was born (best money I spend all month, IMO) which really helps. DH is also really handy, so he does a lot of work around the house, including remodeling our bathroom, painting rooms, replacing light fixtures etc. We joke that it isn't a weekend if he doesn't have something that needs to be assembled.

I wish he would take some more "me" time, but he is generally a pretty solitary person. After DD goes to bed, he will usually go downstairs to his man cave and play some video games and that is his "me" time. He doesn't have a lot of separate man friends (i.e. all of his friends are part of our couple friends) and he wouldn't call them up to hang out. He is close to his dad and brother but he doesn't see them often. It makes me feel guilty because I have a lot of friends and things going on and I hate always leaving him home with DD. It would be nice if it were more equal.

[maestramommy]

No, I don't think Dh has it easy. He might have it convenient(er), but that's about it. He doesn't have to arrange childcare to run any errands or go to the doc. And if he wants to do something with the guys after work, he just has to tell me, then he leaves right from work. Whereas for me it's mental gymnastics to do any of the above.

BUT he has a self-created to do list that never gets shorter, would rather spend Saturday and Sunday morning doing family time instead of tackling it even though morning is his best time. And work is well, work!

[mommylamb]

I know from reading threads here that there are definitely husbands who come home from work and put their feet up and don't help around the house/take care of the kids. I'm glad that's not my reality. DH WOH FT and he does the bulk of the chores at home too (though I play a part still). I think our partnership is pretty equal overall.

[ashleybama24]

I think what has changed is that women expect their DH/BF/SO to actually help with half the parenting and house, especially if they both work. I think gender roles have shifted greatly since even our when we were children.

My mother is forever commenting that she had dinner on the table when my dad got home every evening (not sure what reality world she lives in!) and how I don't. But my DH reminds me that if I wasn't at home or we weren't married he (we) would STILL have to come home and make dinner every night. He realizes that we are busy and with a toddler life doesn't always happen as planned.

[janine]

I wouldn't say DH's have it easier - and certainly some of the great ones we hear about here , BUT I do think things have shifted. Men have increased responsibility at home and things are not so heavily favored their direction at work as it once was (ie towards men).

But there are definitely less expectations on men as there were in previous generations - less pressure to be the breadwinner (more and more women are these days), less expectations for men to be the alpha male or even to be chilvarous. These things have changed. Women now make up for more than 1/2 of those graduating from colleges. So while this means less of the traditional pressures, it can als lead to some complacency. Not sure if this is necessarily all good or where it will head for future generations. But the flip side is men are more helpful with household chores, which simply wasn't the case in the past.

[lcarlson90]

My DH does not have it easy either. I have always expected him to be an equal partner especially since we both work FT jobs. Sometimes I think that my DH does more work around the house than I do. He almost always cooks dinner at night.