Awkward thank you WWYD--not sure if someone brought a gift

[goldenpig]

We had DD's birthday party yesterday at a farm and it was great! They had pony rides and a petting zoo. It was a big party because we invited 9 of her classmates (she's in a 3-5 year class of 27 so we only invited the ones in her year) plus her ballet friends, plus a couple of her close friends, plus her cousins, plus everyone's siblings (we don't usually have no-sib parties around here). It was a little chaotic, but the kids really seemed to enjoy it. There were about 14 or 15 families (24 kids including my kids, DD's cousins, and all of the kids' siblings).

DD opened her presents last night (we don't typically open presents at the party around here) and I'm planning to get my thank you notes done ASAP this time (instead of procrastinating like I usually do). Problem is, I'm not sure if one of the families brought a gift...I can't find a card or gift from them. We did have a lot of food & stuff to bring home, but I talked to DH and he said he checked the area before we left so he doesn't think we left anything behind. This family was an hour late for the two hour party, so I didn't get a chance to talk to them much and there was so much going on that day that I really did not keep track of who brought which presents.

Honestly I really don't care if DD got a present from them or not, but it makes it difficult to figure out what to do with the thank you. My options are: 1. Ask them directly if they brought a gift, which I would NEVER feel comfortable doing even though I know them fairly well 2. Send a generic "thank you for your gift", which could make them feel bad if they really didn't bring something, or make them feel bad that I didn't mention the specific gift if they did give something 3. Send a note saying "Thank you for coming to DD's party" but not mentioning a gift, which might be a little strange 4. Do/send nothing, which again might offend them if they gave her something. The party was not a "no gifts" party (again, not because we want gifts, we have way too many toys as it is, I just think people tend to bring gifts anyways and it bugs me if I don't bring something and everyone else does...that has happened to me several times). FWIW, this family attended DS's birthday party a few months ago and brought a gift. And we attended their DD's party, and they emailed a thank you with a pic of their DD and the gift, but no mailed thank you. So WWYD? I'm leaning toward sending a "thank you for coming" with a picture of their kids at the party, and not saying anything else unless they bring it up.

There were also two presents that were identically wrapped and two detached cards from other kids, so I will probably have to check with one of the moms to figure out who gave what.

And finally, this is a petty bitch that doesn't deserve a whole BP, but indulge me a bit. I admit I totally went overboard on the favors--I bought a bunch of stuff (about $8-10 per kid) from Oriental Trading including cowboy hats (pink for the girls and red/blue for the boys), and a horse backpack with a bandana, boot mug, horse lollipop, stickers, cowboy tattoos, make your own picture frame, and a flocked horse with saddle (or soft cow/barn for the baby siblings). And each one had a sheriff pin with their name written on it. Plus each cupcake had a Safari toob horse on it. That's 24 kids, so it adds up, but it was a lot of fun for me to do and I didn't want to give a random BOC so I think it was worth it. Mostly everyone loved them, but I saw one mom of one of DD's classmates (I even made a whole favor bag for her daughter's younger sibling) looking at the back of the lollipop wrapper and making a face and complaining to the group of school moms, "I don't think I want my daughter to eat a Made In China lollipop". Sheesh. I'm sorry I didn't buy organic lollipops. If it offends you so much, fine--just throw it away. No need to make rude comments in front of everyone else! I just think it's kind of hypocritical when 1) she let her daughter eat the cupcake and 2) when we went to her DD's party, all of the stuff there was from Oriental Trading too. I normally try to feed my kids organic too, but it's a birthday party for goodness sakes. Unfortunately, DH heard it too and he's more upset than I am. He told me, "Who is that mom? Her kid's not invited next year." Gah. How embarrassing.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

hmm, i probably wouldn't ask if they brought a gift..that would seem too direct and could make things awkward. it could be (this has happened to me) that they forgot to bring it, and may give it later? i guess i would just do nothing, or send a "thanks for coming" card.

and about that mom's lollipop comment, wow, that is SO RUDE!! i would feel bad too, because like you, I tend to put a lot of effort in these kinds of things, especially when it comes to parties.. i too never want to hand out BOC at my kids parties, always want to ensure guests have a good time, etc. I would be pretty pissed if someone said that at the party and loud enough for me to hear (especially after you went thru the trouble of getting the sibling a bag too!)... that is just so rude and ungrateful!! I'd probably have your DH's attitude and ban her from my parties as well! lol.

[ha98ed14]

I would send a not that said "Thank you, Friends, for coming to my party and celebrating with us! We loved having you and hope you had a nice time. Hope to see you soon. Love, Child." It's better than not sending anything. If you see her and she says, "Did DD like the XYZ we got her?" You can respond, "Yes, she loved the XYZ!"

[wellyes]

Thank her for coming and leave it at that.

Mostly everyone loved them, but I saw one mom of one of DD's classmates (I even made a whole favor bag for her daughter's younger sibling) looking at the back of the lollipop wrapper and making a face and complaining to the group of school moms, "I don't think I want my daughter to eat a Made In China lollipop".

Seeing as how she said it to a bunch of moms whose kids were eating that lollipop, I bet she's SUPER popular. It's absolutely fine to not eat it for any reason but saying it that way is shockingly rude.

[lalasmama]

Originally Posted by ha98ed14

I would send a not that said "Thank you, Friends, for coming to my party and celebrating with us! We loved having you and hope you had a nice time. Hope to see you soon. Love, Child." It's better than not sending anything. If you see her and she says, "Did DD like the XYZ we got her?" You can respond, "Yes, she loved the XYZ!"

I don't think there's any other way to get around it unless she asks directly if DD loved the xyz present.

[EllasMum]

I have received generic Thank You notes - they usually say something like, "Thank you for helping us celebrate DC's special day!" or the like. I'm fine with receiving that, though I know some people like the personalized ones ("Thank you for the XYZ".

[Toba]

Wow, sounds like you had quite a party!! I love when people go all out (we did it for DS's 6th birthday), but the cost is just too exorbitant to do it every year. I think your gift bags were extremely generous and you played up the theme of the party a lot .... boo on anyone that said anything!!

In your situation, I would send a generic thank you card for the two identically wrapped gifts, unless you're really close with one of the mothers. I would also send a generic thank you for the missing gift from the one family. To me, I'd rather send generic ones than have to make those embarrassing calls, KWIM?

FWIW, my niece just had her 1st birthday last month. My sister did one of those Christmas like greeting photo cards for her thank yous. She put three pictures of my niece at the party and then put the words: We bounced (bounce house), we played, we ate cake my way (she's a little princess and was wary of her first birthday cake) so I just wanted to say ... thanks for joining in the fun on the day that I turned one. It was definitely generic but not the first one I've ever received by far. And since it has cute pictures of my niece, it's something that I'll keep instead of tossing.

[brgnmom]

happy birthday to your DD. coincidentally, we celebrated ds's birthday over the weekend as well.
your bday party sounds like it was a lot of fun.

like PP's suggested, I would probably just write a thank you card to the family for attending the birthday party, and the next time I see the parents, I might mention how I didn't see a bday card/gift and I wondered if it was misplaced.

about the mom who made the obnoxious comment - that's annoying and rude how she did that in front of everyone, especially in light of the time and thought you put into making the nice party favors for every child.

[kijip]

Originally Posted by ha98ed14

I would send a not that said "Thank you, Friends, for coming to my party and celebrating with us! We loved having you and hope you had a nice time. Hope to see you soon. Love, Child." It's better than not sending anything. If you see her and she says, "Did DD like the XYZ we got her?" You can respond, "Yes, she loved the XYZ!"

This is perfect. Asking is rude IMO unless you have a cardless/tag less gift and you are asking around generally (or asking 1-2 people using power of deduction) "were you the person that brought the great x?" or "did you happen to see who brought the big blue package? We seem to have lost a card."

[brittone2]

Originally Posted by ha98ed14

I would send a not that said "Thank you, Friends, for coming to my party and celebrating with us! We loved having you and hope you had a nice time. Hope to see you soon. Love, Child." It's better than not sending anything. If you see her and she says, "Did DD like the XYZ we got her?" You can respond, "Yes, she loved the XYZ!"

Another

We've been faced with this once or twice and handled it pretty much like ha98ed suggested.