Help me figure out this 1st grader!

[clc053103]

DS has had minor issues separating from me for full day first grade, but that has since resolved. He is doing great academically and socially according to his teacher, no behavior issues. However, I have received two emails in the past week about his behavior in specials. First, he sang goofy in music and had to be told to stop. Then, he called another child a name in gym. In both cases, his regular teacher talked to him and he was very honest in admitting his wrong doing. But she can't figure out why. She said she was shocked, his music teacher was shocked, his gym teacher was shocked. This is not the kind attentive child they know. She seems to think other children may be encouraging this behavior.

I guess my questions are, anyone have any thoughts on what is going on here? I also initially thought peer influences, but my next thought was that maybe he was trying to get some attention from the teacher? It's 25:1 in the classroom with no aide. In that group is a child repeating first grade and a child who used to have an aide and iep, who reportedly has been taking up a lot of teacher's attention, has a behavior plan, etc. As a side note, this is the child ds called a name, and previously ds referred to this child's behavior plan and how it resulted in the teacher praising the child a lot. Do you think it is possible that ds is trying to get in trouble on purpose? The teacher insists she has seen none of these behaviors in her classroom from DS.

Lastly, I have mixed feelings over the teacher reporting this all to me rather than just handling it at school. I now feel compelled to punish at home, and he has lost all privileges including screen time, sports. Ds is an only child and clearly he does not lack attention at home. Despite praising ds's honesty, she is definitely pleased that we are addressing this at home as well.

I am open to any input, as this needs to stop. If ds has another issue at a special, he is going to earn himself a behavior plan. The child with a perfect k report card that does nothing wrong in his actual classroom! I really hope to get to the bottom of this before that happens.

Thanks for reading!

[pinkmomagain]

Could he be anxious? Sometimes kids who are feeling anxious can sometimes not know what to do with themselves and act goofy or misbehave. Could he be trying to impress peers in some way? Maybe there is someone/group he is trying to become friends with and he is trying to get laughs/attention from them.

FWIW, I don't think this is horrible behavior. It's not something for which I personally would punish at home. I'd have a conversation for sure.

[clc053103]

Originally Posted by pinkmomagain

Could he be anxious? Sometimes kids who are feeling anxious can sometimes not know what to do with themselves and act goofy or misbehave. Could he be trying to impress peers in some way? Maybe there is someone/group he is trying to become friends with and he is trying to get laughs/attention from them.

FWIW, I don't think this is horrible behavior. It's not something for which I personally would punish at home. I'd have a conversation for sure.

Yes, I think impressing another student could really be a cause. Being encouraged by another student or trying to get the attention of another student is definitely on the top of my list. But he's not spilling- he says no one else was around or near him but obviously someone is around!

I also didn't think that what ds did was such a huge deal. I feel like the emails are being generated not because of the significant nature of the behavior, but simply because it is out of character for DS. DH and I are then punishing him at home, not because of what he did, but because we are getting an email from school, kwim? I spoke with two other parents in the school who felt sending me a note is making a mountain out of a molehill, and the teacher should be handling it in school, not transferring it home.

I also know that he feels bad for what he did. He wrote a really lovely letter of apology to the music teacher, and actually suggested to us that he should make a card for the child he called a name.

[Tondi G]

I think "specials" time is exciting for kids and thus they come a little unwound and act up some. If he is focused and acting appropriately in the classroom then maybe he is working so hard at being focused during that time that when they are out of the classroom for PE or music he kind of lets loose and in turn is getting in trouble. 1st grade is a tough year cause they go from Kindergarten where there is more singing and sitting on the rug and painting etc to a more structured learning environment. Some kids go from half day K to a full day 1st grade and the day is quite long for them. If he has been talked to by his teacher and he is also getting that reinforcement at home he will figure it out and shape up his behavior in "specials" time. I wouldn't be punishing my child at home though ... a talking to about appropriate behavior sure but taking away all of his screen time/sports etc seems a little much for just goofing off in music class. He needs that time to unwind and be a kid.

Hope he figures it all out and gets his behavior in order so there is no more trouble in school.

[Green_Tea]

Originally Posted by pinkmomagain

FWIW, I don't think this is horrible behavior. It's not something for which I personally would punish at home. I'd have a conversation for sure.

I agree. I would want to know what the consequences were at school (because there should be consequences) and try to get at the cause of the behavior. I would not go straight to consequences at home. I find it strange that the teachers felt the need to email you about the incidents, because they seem like pretty typical (if undesirable) behaviors for a 1st grader. Is it a pattern? Or was each incident a one time thing?

ETA: Ah, I saw your post above. I still wouldn't punish at home - it sounds like the teachers need to get their acts together and improve their discipline plan/classroom management.

[clc053103]

Thank you Tondi, this is a case where the child went from 1/2 day k to full day school. It is also his first year of having gym class, they don't have gym in K. Honestly from our email exchange with the regular teacher I felt that the music teacher in particular only mentioned ds's singing because it was so out of character, rather than because he wanted his regular teacher to address it and report it to us.

Perhaps we are overzealous in searching for a root cause when this could really just be normal transitioning 1st grader behavior.

Green tea, yes, each incident was a one time thing, and she keeps calling it shocking as it is so out of the ordinary behavior for ds. It's like DS is getting in trouble and generating emails because he's a good kid, rather than because they see a pattern or are addressing the same things over and over.

[crl]

Well, if it is out of character, maybe the teacher just wanted to check in with you. She may think you should know in case you are noticing out of character behavior as well. Or she may be giving you an opportunity to tell her if there might be something going on at home, like a new baby coming or major changes in routine.

I don't understand why these two, relatively minor, incidents would result in a "behavior plan" at school. Maybe they are common and many children have them at your school? I haven't really heard this term and it seems like a big, serious thing.

I would not punish for this sort of behavior at home. I would mention it to my child and reinforce that it is not acceptable, but there would not be consequences at home.

Catherine

[clc053103]

Thanks for your replies. DS came off the bus and told me his teacher was sending me a good note on the computer. I checked and she reported they had a wonderful day. I had DS pretend to crumple up the two "bad days" and toss them out the window, and yell don't come back! I am hoping that helped shut the book on such behavior!

While we haven't discussed the home situation, there was still no screen time and I am not bringing it up because we are enjoying the break!!! After dinner I did ask him to show me the math facts site he learned in computers, but no recreational screen time. Refreshing!

I am hoping things will get back to normal, or as normal as first grade can be. Thanks for your support!

[quinnsmom]

I'm glad your DS had a good day and that the teacher sent a good note/recognized that it was a good day. Its important to recognize the good days more so than the not so good ones. I wouldn't put too much stock in his behavior in the sense that he is going in a certain direction. First grade comes with a lot of changes. They have their own desks, there is no assistant in the room like there was in K and the classes are more difficult. Its a huge jump from an early childhood environment where there is a lot of hand holding and a much gentler approach - to an independent elementary education environment where kids are much more on their own- and "real" work is expected where in K there is a lot of singing and sitting in circles and more "fun" stuff. That can be overwhelming. DS is having issues (also a first grader) in the sense that he keeps talking about how he wants to go back to K. All the changes are overwhelming for him. And its stressing him out. That can be stressful and that stress manifests itself in different ways in each child. For my DS - he is having stomach aches and doesn't want to go to Spanish class (another "Specials" thing) and tries to go to the nurse during that time. I do want to add that for my DS - he is used to an assistant coming with them to Specials (last year in K). No assistant this year - which I think is a reason he is having a tough time.

I think the teacher did the right thing in emailing you. A behavior plan is not as bad as it sounds. Its not major and they are pretty standard depending on what that school or district's procedure is regarding behavior a teacher is trying to modify. A Behavior Plan is just a tool that the teacher and student can use to monitor a certain behavior. Its a visual for the child so he or she can see "Did I have a good day today?" "Why or why not." It helps to have a concrete thing - something to keep track of - for the student and teacher (and parent) to discuss. Once that behavior disappears- so does the plan. It could be something as simple as a happy face or a sad face on a piece of paper with the desired or unwanted behavior listed.

I have to stick up for the teacher regarding the comment about a lack of a classroom management plan and disciplinary procedure - while these things are necessary and very important - they have nothing to do with the actions a child decides to exhibit (name calling, etc.) A child behaves a certain way for a dozen different reasons - most of them not a big deal. The steps the teacher takes after the child's actions has to do with a good classroom management plan and disciplinary procedure. A good management plan and disciplinary procedure cannot control a child's actions. It looks like your DS's teacher has a plan in action - that's a good thing. And its pretty standard procedure for a teacher to communicate via email any issue that one of their students has in class. If not - and it happens again - a parent might ask "Why is this the first I am hearing of this?" And when a teacher communicates with a parent about things that go on during the day that are not appropriate - the child knows that their parents are in what is going on which allows the child to own the behavior more so than if the incident were not communicated to mom and dad. Its a way for the teacher to get support from home so "school" and "home" are on the same page.

And as a "Specials" teacher myself - I find that when students come to Specials - they do not act the way they "normally" act in their classrooms. Its a different environment - usually not one they are in every day - hence the routine and environment takes longer to get used to and to feel comfortable. The teacher is not their regular classroom teacher. Each Specials teacher has a different teaching style, attitude, rapport with the students, etc. The room looks and smells and feels different than their normal classroom - students just act different in Specials because its all *different*. Its *a lot* to get used to. And its only October - your son is probably still figuring things out. Its amazing how different first graders are after the winter holidays when they come back in January. They seem more mature and settled and comfortable in their first grade skin. It takes a good semester to get used to not being in Kindergarten. Anything that goes on this first semester is just testing the waters and seeing what feels right.

[Green_Tea]

Originally Posted by quinnsmom

I have to stick up for the teacher regarding the comment about a lack of a classroom management plan and disciplinary procedure - while these things are necessary and very important - they have nothing to do with the actions a child decides to exhibit (name calling, etc.) A child behaves a certain way for a dozen different reasons - most of them not a big deal. The steps the teacher takes after the child's actions has to do with a good classroom management plan and disciplinary procedure. A good management plan and disciplinary procedure cannot control a child's actions. It looks like your DS's teacher has a plan in action - that's a good thing. And its pretty standard procedure for a teacher to communicate via email any issue that one of their students has in class.

Since I think you're replying to my post, I wanted to respond. I completely understand that a classroom management plan and disciplinary procedure has nothing to do with the actions a child decides to take. But we're not talking about a child with a pattern of discipline problems. We're talking about someone who misbehaved once in one special, and then once in another. And neither transgression was particularly egregious. Every kid has an off day or week. With three kids in elementary school, I have never once had a teacher call me up to tell me that on one single occasion my child misbehaved in their class, and my son is quite the scamp. I am in the middle of getting my Master's in education right now and have spent considerable time in the classroom. Kids - especially 1st graders - misbehave. If a teacher made personalized calls home every time a student misbehaved, they'd spend HOURS on the phone. A teacher who feels the need to report a single, isolated, minor incident to the parents of an otherwise well mannered and well behaved student is one that I would guess is lacking a plan to deal with discipline problems. Calling home is where you go when your behavioral support system isn't working. It's not where you start.

ETA: And, because I am anticipating possible responses - no, I don't really feel like I need to know about every single thing my child does wrong at school. Kids make mistakes, and should be given the opportunity to clean up their act without worrying that in addition to being in trouble with their teacher, they're in trouble with mom and dad, too. I want to know about ongoing behavioral problems (things that happen several times over the course of a week, in spite of constant reminders and consequences), but if it was one or two poor choices in the context of many good weeks? That can stay at school.