s/o: Do you think your 3 yo is more "challenging" than "normal"?

[twowhat?]

I'm not really making this an official poll because I think I'm just wanting commiseration

My answer: yes. I have several friends with children virtually the same age (all within a few months of each other). They give me looks of sympathy when I describe DD2's tantrums. She has FULL ON tantrums lasting an hour or more (she JUST had one - the 4th of the weekend - so I'm kind of shaky and trying to come down from the anger high). We time her tantrums because it's so ridiculous how long she screams. And I am talking FULL ON - screaming at the top of her lungs the ENTIRE time. My head is still ringing and I'm sitting here crying because it just SUCKS!

And - DD1 is NOTHING like DD2. Her tantrums are few and last a blissful 15-20 min at most.

So - I'm curious if ALL parents of 3 yos think theirs is more challenging than others or if there are parents of 3 yos who are thanking their lucky stars that their kid isn't as "challenging" as their friends' 3yos

i.e. are most 3yos so challenging that they make their parents think they have a "sprited" child?

[buddyleebaby]

Well, I will say that age three was a hard age in my house, probably the hardest, for all of my children (so far- we're only up to age 6). My son is three now and there are days I swear I can feel my hair turning gray. However, I don't think any of my children as three year olds were harder than any other three years olds. I just think it's a hard age in general.

I do enjoy those three year old cuddles.

[MelissaTC]

Three was hard here too. Ridiculously so. Four was so much better! Hang in there!

[lowrioh]

Yes, I think that my 3 year old is more "challenging" than other kids her age. I have had acquaintances come and ask me if I need help during the worst of the tantrums she has had in public. Kicking, hitting screaming lying on the ground are all part of the routine. It's hard on me physically because she is a big kid (45 pounds). My good friends and her previous teachers have told me (when I have asked them) that she is a tough one. We actually considered taking her to a child psychologist to have her assessed. I have a dim memory that we had one weekend where she had 4 big ones but I think I'm trying to block it out.

She is like her father and wears her emotions on her sleeve. She will give lots of hugs and kisses very easily and melt down over something trivial, like me taking an empty shampoo bottle away. She can scream for at least an hour if the mood takes her and there is basically nothing we can do about it.
BUT, she does not hold a grudge like other 3 year olds I know. That would drive me nuts. She is extremely verbal and even in the midst of a tantrum has no problem finding words, they just don't make sense. "I want to go swimming, but I don't want to go in the pool"....what?

I will say that sticking to a strict-ish routine has helped a lot. The tantrums are still epic but they happen less frequently.

You are not alone!

[daisymommy]

Yes, 3 is an awful age IMO! Have you ever tried stopping the tantrum midway through? DS was like your DD, and (not to scare you)--but he is the one now diagnosed with SPD (sensory processing disorder) and ADHD.

Have you ever tried stopping her midway through a long tantrum? I had to put my hands on my DS shoulders, look him in the eye, and firmly say "That is enough! You are hurting everyone's ears, and we don't want to hear you screaming anymore. I know you are upset/angry, but you have cried for long enough, and it's time to stop now. We are going to go downstairs and XYZ now, we're all going to be in a better mood."

He literally needed someone to help him snap out of it, and "reboot" his emotional/mental system, or he would have carried on forever. I refused to let him scream for an hour+.

[twowhat?]

Originally Posted by daisymommy

Have you ever tried stopping her midway through a long tantrum? I had to put my hands on my DS shoulders, look him in the eye, and firmly say "That is enough! You are hurting everyone's ears, and we don't want to hear you screaming anymore. I know you are upset/angry, but you have cried for long enough, and it's time to stop now. We are going to go downstairs and XYZ now, we're all going to be in a better mood."

Yup, we've totally tried this. I've tried tickling. I've tried taking her outside. I've tried giving her a hug. I've tried distracting her. I've tried everything short of throwing cold water on her! Nothing works and whatever I try gets incorporated into the tantrum. For example, if I take her outside she starts screaming "I DON'T WANNA BE OUTSIDE" and it really seems to just lengthen the tantrum because now she's got another reason to be mad. What has worked "best" has been to just sit in the same room with her and let her scream - and after an hour or a little more than an hour, she will actually stop the tantrum on her own and tell me "I'm done" and then ask for a hug. Sigh. I have wondered if there is something else going on. But she seems completely and totally normal otherwise. Maybe I'll bring it up next time I talk to our ped...

[brittone2]

My oldest was tough at 3, and he was a pretty "easy" and compliant kid overall (just his personality). But yeah, even with him, 3 was TOUGH. I never really minded the 2 year old phase too much, but 3 was....challenging!

My DD's 3 yo phase (especially at 3.5) was even more difficult.

I can't believe I get to go through it one more time

eta: I think it is helpful to label their feelings, give them a physical outlet (show them how to get their angries out...jumping up and down, whatever), etc. An hour is a long time. Any luck identifying triggers? Like are they worse if she's hungry, overtired, bored, etc.? I know my DD in particular has a major mood change when she's hungry, and about 3pm when she is tired (stopped napping at 3, started up again around age 4 and was napping about 1/3 to 1/2 of days up until about 2-3 months ago).

[lowrioh]

Originally Posted by twowhat?

Yup, we've totally tried this. I've tried tickling. I've tried taking her outside. I've tried giving her a hug. I've tried distracting her. I've tried everything short of throwing cold water on her! Nothing works and whatever I try gets incorporated into the tantrum. For example, if I take her outside she starts screaming "I DON'T WANNA BE OUTSIDE" and it really seems to just lengthen the tantrum because now she's got another reason to be mad. What has worked "best" has been to just sit in the same room with her and let her scream - and after an hour or a little more than an hour, she will actually stop the tantrum on her own and tell me "I'm done" and then ask for a hug. Sigh. I have wondered if there is something else going on. But she seems completely and totally normal otherwise. Maybe I'll bring it up next time I talk to our ped...

This sounds just like my DD. The last one we had I told her "you have 2 choices you can go to bed or you can stop screaming and come down and quietly sit with me on the couch" she replied "I don't like either of those options" and continued to scream. For my own sanity I just put her in her room and walk away. I go back and check on her every few minutes and let her know she can come down as soon as she stops screaming. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much.
Talk to the Ped. but it doesn't sound like her behavior is outside the bounds of normal 3 year old emotions. She is just more "challenging" than other kids.

[jren]

My 3 year old is easy. He may not seem easy to others, as he's a typical 3, does have some tantrums, etc., but compared to his older DD, he's an angel. I think some kids are more challenging than others. For reference, my DD is almost 8 and STILL has extreme tantrums, so for us it hasn't gotten any better.

[MSWR0319]

Yes, I think DS is more challenging. I have friends with boys within a few months of his age and he is much more challenging. They all have kids who are so laid back, almost nothing bothers them. DS is a "spirited" child, no questions asked in my mind. Reading Raising your Spirited Child really helped me understand what he's going through and gave me a few pointers that seem to be helping. He's also intellectually well above other kids his age, so I don't know if that plays into it or not. I'm not convinced he doesn't have ADHD but he's so young, we'll give it a few more years. DH has undiagnosed (we were at the last stage before diagnosis and he wouldn't go back for the appt) ADD so it wouldn't surprise me. DS had a tantrum like you are describing yesterday and my MIL kept trying to redirect him which only made him worse. I kept asking her to leave him alone and she wouldn't, so it just prolonged the pain. I have found that during a tantrum DH somehow feeds DS's energy and makes it worse. He has to keep his mouth shut and leave DD alone or it gets worse. I can talk him down most times. The biggest success so far has been just to warn him ahead of time what's going to happen. That won't work with everything though. He tantrum yesterday was because I told him he could have a piece of Halloween candy until after lunch. So a warning will not work with that one!