wigging out. am i a terrible mom?

[dec756]

for about a month now, my son refuses to sleep. at naptime and bedtime. i lost it tonight. i was yelling, screaming, telling him 'he's a bad boy'. time out. spanking. i am embarrassed and so angry.

a.) am i so terrible?
b.) what would you do? has this or similar happened to you in the past?

[lalasmama]

It's totally happened, multiple times around here. I reach my limit, nothing has "clicked" and made her behave, and my voice goes louder than I thought was possible. I've said hurtful things. Thankfully, it all happened when DD was younger, and she doesn't have any recollection of it...

It happens to the best of us. Tomorrow is a new day. Apologize in the morning, say sorry for mommy's yelling, and that you will try to do better. And then you let it go, and try to do better. Those were often the nights I snuggled with DD after she was asleep, and usually cried myself to sleep (she had a double bed at that point).

It's hard being a mama, especially when a kid is testing!



Hope tomorrow goes better.

[infomama]

No you aren't terrible...you just lost your temper. If anyone tries to tell you it hasn't happened to them they are lying. Apologize to him, tell him you love him and try to get a handle on why it happened. I remember my incident with dd1 like it was yesterday...and it was 6 1/2 years ago. I was exhausted and I blew my top. Made an impression on me and I felt terrible but what more can you do. He'll be OK. So will you.

[sste]

Well, take my input as one data point.

I too would be very upset if that happened. I would take it as a sign that there had been a "systems failure" and would be actively setting up supports. I would be on the phone with my pedi and either partner with my pedi to set up a sleep plan (we did this once, our particular pedi was awesome) or if that didn't work I would be setting up an appointment with a sleep pediatrician/psychologist to develop that sleep plan.

I would also plan ahead to minimize stress. Can your DH be around at that time to help? Can you create an escape plan for yourself (e.g., I will go to my room when I start to feel enraged or even I will count to ten in my head before I say anything to DC)? Are you getting enough sleep?

Anyone can crack with enough stress. I think the key is to prevent the situation from getting to that place.

Good luck!!

[elliput]

How old is your DS? It is very possible that he just does not need the nap anymore, which in turn makes bedtime very frustrating during this stage. The whole thing can easily turn into one big power struggle, so just remember that this too shall pass, and try to remain calm and a bit flexible.

Hang in there.

[dec756]

he just turned two. thanks for the support and words of wisdom. everything used to be in sync and now its just all out of whack.

[infomama]

Originally Posted by dec756

he just turned two. thanks for the support and words of wisdom. everything used to be in sync and now its just all out of whack.

It's hard to transition sometimes.

[Minnifer]

Ugh, we had that kind of day today too. And unfortunately many days have been that way lately. You are absolutely not terrible, just human. Being a parent is really, really hard. Personally, although I think it sounds great in theory to try to prevent a situation from getting to that stress level, IME it hasn't always been realistic for me/our life. So, like a PP said, I try to move on/forward and do better the next day and try not to feel guilty about it (although I'm not too successful with that part).

[mikala]

We all have our parent of the year moments and tomorrow is a new day.

I agree with the advice to get help from DH if possible and to step back and regroup to come up with a new strategy. I would also dig out a book by your sleep guru of choice. At this age naps may become sleep or play in your room time.

I would also set up a plan for exactly what to do when he pushes so many buttons you need to walk away before you do or say anything you may regret. Maybe you plop him in his crib while you count to ten. Maybe you step to the other side of a baby gate for some quick physical space and a mommy time out.

[Kira's Mommy]

Originally Posted by dec756

he just turned two. thanks for the support and words of wisdom. everything used to be in sync and now its just all out of whack.

No real advice but hugs. No, you're not terrible, just human.

DD will be two next month and in the last month or so she's regressed in her sleeping habits too. Something bothers her. She says "I'm scared" and asks me to sit in her room while she's falling back to sleep in the middle of the night. Many times it takes her at least two hours to fall back to sleep. It does not even help if I take her to my bed, which used to be a cure-all solution. The good news I hear from other moms is that it's very typical and it goes away. DD's getting a lot better already after a rough month. Hang in there mama. Sleep deprivation is the worst. Get some help, get some rest. It'll get better.