s/o As Your Kids Age, Do You Feel More Removed from the Usual Mommy Arguments?

[Kindra178]

Two years ago, I think I would have been really fired up about the epidural thread. Similarly, I feel less enraged about circ v. no circ, attachment parenting, etc. I have developed a more live and let live attitude. Anyone else?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I can get sucked into them just as easily now. It falls under informed consent/ informed decision and it's always a hot button for me when people don't know their stuff- but it bugs me even mre when they just don't care.

[rin]

My only kid is about a year and a half, and I just can't get myself worked up about any of it. It annoys me when people make unfounded claims or use bizarre argument techniques like denying evidence-based research because it doesn't support their own personal preferences, but that's not a parenting choices thing for me, just a life in general thing.

Frankly, unless you're abusing your child, I really don't care what you feed your kid, do to his genitals, do during labor, etc. Who cares. Get information, share information, whatever, but as far as getting worked up about what someone else does? Don't we all have enough going on in our own lives?

[boolady]

Yes and no. That helps, right? There are some issues that I have mellowed about over time and others, where people can amazingly tell me what my experience was or wasn't, what my thoughts were or weren't, whether I'm really understanding my household budget or just prefer to spend 40 hours a week away from my daughter, where it bothers me more and more as time goes on, because it's clear that they have no idea what they're talking about. I live my life, you live yours. And, as my daughter continues to age, and grows up to be a beautiful, intelligent, creative young lady, it's proof to me that my epidural or my working or the fact that she took one round of antibiotics when she was two haven't stopped her from being exactly who she is.

I think some of the behavior on this board veers towards bullying at some points...there is the *right* way, or no way at all. I get tired of mothers dragging each other down instead of lifting each other up. I don't think I'll ever get too far removed to get worked up about that, for right or wrong.

[Kindra178]

Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles

I can get sucked into them just as easily now. It falls under informed consent/ informed decision and it's always a hot button for me when people don't know their stuff- but it bugs me even mre when they just don't care.

I definitely still have my opinions, I am just less adamant/more relaxed than I used to be.

[carolinamama]

Yes, I have definitely chilled considerably about alot of the hot button parenting topics.

[egoldber]

Yes. I have a few personal hot button issues , but more and more I realize most of it is just not that imporant in the grand scheme.

And as my kids get older, I realize just how limited my influence is, which is both liberating and scary. So it is nice in that I never agonize any more about making missteps here and there as I realize how intrinsically resilient most kids are. But it is also scary to think that my daughters will be who they are and I can only hope to teach and guide them a little, but mainly they are on their own.

[american_mama]

Yes, I feel more removed. It's not really due to more tolerance, but due to having heard some topics hashed over many times and making me just not as interested. It's also just not as relevant as my kids get older. I still like birth-related threads and certain phrases/attitudes about certain other topics still push my buttons, but I definitely feel more distance. It's freeing.

I think I've always been more tolerant of these topics in real life than on the internet. It's easy to have stronger opinions in writing and seeing only some of another's person's persoective in writing; IRL you often know more of the story and see a lot of the shades of gray.

[Green_Tea]

Largely yes, especially about childbirth issues. My youngest is 5.5 years old, and I have come to realize that (for me, and, I think, for most people I know) childbirth amounts to 24-48 hours of your life (times the # of kids you have.) A healthy baby is the most important thing in the world. I had three c sections, and that wasn't the childbirth experience I wanted at all - but you know what? 5.5 years later, it just doesn't matter to me. The process of giving birth is a really small part of the parenting I have done over the past 9 years. When I see people who are incredibly invested in having a very specific kind of birth experience, I wish I could tell them that as long as they end up with a healthy baby and a healthy mom, it'll all be OK. I feel really bad for moms who feel that they have in some way failed because their birth did not go as expected, and I feel pissed off at pretty much every birth experience faction (homebirthers, pro- and anti-epiduralists, pro- and anti- c-sectioners, hypnobirthers, inducers/anti-inducers - you name it) who try so hard to make pregnant women believe that if they just follow a certain set of rules and write a birth plan and have a doula and a midwife/OB they trust, everything will go a certain way. Childbirth just doesn't work that way. And every birth - regardless of how it plays out - is beautiful.

All of that said, I still get really upset when I read stories about completely arbitrary inductions, especially ones that involve Cytotec.

[smilequeen]

Some of them, but not others. Certainly I felt the most judgmental when I just had one. I now tend to think that certain choices are still better choice, I still believe in education, but I have also learned that making choices differently doesn't say anything about one's value as a parent. But if asked, I'm going to give my opinion about the actual subject, but not people who choose/don't choose to do whatever it is.