Put in preschool now?? (Sorry, long!)

[bisous]

DS2 is SUCH a middle child. Sandwiched between DS1 who has Type 1 Diabetes and ADHD and DS3 who is having a weight gain problem, he gets lots of attention but not a lot of concern. Does that make sense?

He's happy, smart, social and everybody loves him. He gets a lot of attention here because I am currently living with my parents so there are 4 adults in the home.

I had homeschooled DS1 for two years and so he's been hanging out with us during that whole time. This year was supposed to be the time that I bonded with DS2 and that I made life all about him while his big brother was in school. But it isn't really working out that way.

1. We moved in with my parents and the move has been a huge deal.
2. I'm actually in a really bad situation with DS1 and the school. We are calling lawyers and it takes a lot of time and emotional energy to deal with. And his medical issues are not going away.
3. I've got a babe who is off the weight chart totally. It means lots of nursing, lots of concern and worry, etc.

Then I've got DS2 in the middle who doesn't need socialization or academic help. He doesn't have any medical issues. He's reading, he's writing, he's a natural leader. He's a happy kid too. But I'm struggling to do right by him!

I had so imagined a year similar to the adventures that I had with DS1 before DS2 was born. We took day trips and read books all day. We did everything together. It sounds super cheesy but we were best friends. And I'm really mourning that that is not my reality with DS2. I do have him in a couple of enrichment classes JUSt for him and I try to read to him 30 minutes a day and play (intently) 30 minutes a day.

So now my question is, should I try harder to build this kind of relationship with DS2? Or would putting him in a preschool program be the better option for him? He doesn't need preschool and I WANT to have that special time with him. He'll start K in September.

Which option (preschool or mommy time) is going to be more meaningful for him?

[Uno-Mom]

Oh, your post tugged my heartstrings!

I don't have much insight except to say that the constant nursing and concern about your baby's weight must be a huge factor in *your* mindset and perspective right now. I hope you don't need to make a decision for a few weeks - it doesn't sound like there's a huge rush. Just three or four weeks from now, your new little guy will almost certainly need much less worry and time (especially if your pumping idea works well) and you'll be able to look this decision over with care.

In one way, the challenges with your newborn may be a turning point. You've found the time to pour this intense time and attention into his needs. Your eldest has probably adapted to accept less focus from you and/or other family members have rallied to support ds1 more. Maybe once the baby's feeding troubles stabilize, you'll find a new situation: a less dependent/demanding eldest son, a lower maintenance baby, and extra time left for your happy little middle child!

I'm not sure that makes any sense, as I look back over it but it makes sense in my tired brain.

[bisous]

Thanks, Uno-Mom. That is reassuring. It is only a season after all.

[Tondi G]

If he is starting Kindergarten in September and seems to be ok with the way his usual routine is going, I wouldn't be trying to mix things up and send him off to preschool. If you feel he needs the socialization and you have a school in mind that has space for him and you can afford it then sure, go for it. I am hopeful that things will mellow out with your littlest kiddo and you might find you have more time to focus on your middle kid in the next few months ... before you know it, summer will be wrapping up and he'll be off to Kindergarten!

[MamaMolly]

Wow, you have a lot on your plate!

From where I sit you are doing a GREAT job. You are making sure that your DS2 *is* getting plenty of high quality one on one time. And when he's not the center of focus, he is still getting attention from one of 4 loving adults. I'm not sure he'd get more attention in pre-school or if he'd just get different attention, IYKWIM?

And I agree he's had a lot of adjustments lately. I'd probably wait until Kinder in September unless you think it might ease your stress to have him in PreK? Then I think you would have a legitimate reason to consider it.

[JTsMom]

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. I feel like this a lot with DS2, and it breaks my heart. All I can say is listen to your what your gut says if you push away the guilt. On one hand, I try to tell myself (about my boys) that they may not get the same time and attention, but they each get what they need. On the other hand, I'm sad for me b/c I don't get to do the same things with Zach that I got to do with Jason. I suppose that's one of the trade-offs for the second born, but he also gets some benefits of being second- like an easier going mom, and a big brother who loves him.

One thing that does help is that I spend some time with him each evening before bed. Consistent little pockets of time make me feel like we are getting to connect in our own way.