SAHMs: Do you spend more than if you were working? If not, how do you save?

[ourbabygirl]

I've been a SAHM for almost 3.5 years now, and off and on I've felt like it's still costing us a lot more for me to be home with the kids than it would cost to have them in daycare.
When I stopped teaching, we just had one baby, so it felt like a huge luxury for me to be able to stay home because I would've still had quite a bit of salary left after paying for daycare. Now with 2 kids (ages 1 & 3), I at least think that my salary would've been greatly given up for daycare, but I don't really see where I'm saving money by staying home.

I've tried to save or cut back in certain ways:

*Meal planning & rarely going out to eat, limiting grocery trips, and using coupons (I'm trying to be better about this last one);

*Not spending time with the kids in retail therapy- shopping with them at the malls, Target, etc. to kill time;

*I have more time to shop sales, Goodwill, consignment sales, CL, etc. for their clothes and toys;

*No daily commute, though it wasn't long before (20 minutes each way), and my job (teaching) didn't require extra expense like dry-cleaning or hair coloring or manicures (to look great for the 'clients' ).


But I also feel like we're spending a lot more by having me home with the kids:

*DH works from home, and we eat almost all our meals here, so we go through a ton of groceries, as well as toilet paper , and utilities (more spent on electricity, water, heat, & A/C by being home almost 24/7);

*maybe one ECFE class a year plus another class every once in a while (not too expensive, but I feel like I need the socialization for myself and the kids);

*having my own car (I know some families live on one) and using gas to take the kids to the library, grocery store, play dates, etc.;

*having DD in 2 days/ week of pre-school next year (it's not very expensive, but I feel like we both need it for our sanity... still, it's probably a luxury for a lot of SAHMs);

*I'm obviously not contributing to a retirement account right now, so I'm/ we're losing money there;

*DH would like us to get a cleaning person/ service to come out every once in a while... since we're here so much and the kids are at the age where they make a lot of mess but are too young to really help clean, I feel like I have no energy left at the end of the day/ week to deep clean the bathroom, dust, etc. I feel like I spend all day cleaning up all the other little messes, plus 3 sets of dishes, laundry every day, vacuuming, you name it, that I'm not much up for more deep-cleaning on the weekends.
I'd also love to have some baby-sitting help to have a date night maybe once a month, but I feel like I wouldn't need/ want that so much if I were working and didn't get exhausted from my kids all week!

Sorry this got long! Just wondering, if you're a SAHM, do you have similar spending patterns? How do you reconcile things? If you feel like you are saving a ton by SAH, what other sorts of things do you do to cut costs and save money?

I guess the intangibles/ emotional factor makes up for things for me, but I still feel guilt over how much we're spending.

Thanks for your insights!

[DualvansMommy]

Originally Posted by ourbabygirl

I've been a SAHM for almost 3.5 years now, and off and on I've felt like it's still costing us a lot more for me to be home with the kids than it would cost to have them in daycare.
When I stopped teaching, we just had one baby, so it felt like a huge luxury for me to be able to stay home because I would've still had quite a bit of salary left after paying for daycare. Now with 2 kids (ages 1 & 3), I at least think that my salary would've been greatly given up for daycare, but I don't really see where I'm saving money by staying home.

I've tried to save or cut back in certain ways:

*Meal planning & rarely going out to eat, limiting grocery trips, and using coupons (I'm trying to be better about this last one);

*Not spending time with the kids in retail therapy- shopping with them at the malls, Target, etc. to kill time;

*I have more time to shop sales, Goodwill, consignment sales, CL, etc. for their clothes and toys;

*No daily commute, though it wasn't long before (20 minutes each way), and my job (teaching) didn't require extra expense like dry-cleaning or hair coloring or manicures (to look great for the 'clients' ).


But I also feel like we're spending a lot more by having me home with the kids:

*DH works from home, and we eat almost all our meals here, so we go through a ton of groceries, as well as toilet paper , and utilities (more spent on electricity, water, heat, & A/C by being home almost 24/7);

*maybe one ECFE class a year plus another class every once in a while (not too expensive, but I feel like I need the socialization for myself and the kids);

*having my own car (I know some families live on one) and using gas to take the kids to the library, grocery store, play dates, etc.;

*having DD in 2 days/ week of pre-school next year (it's not very expensive, but I feel like we both need it for our sanity... still, it's probably a luxury for a lot of SAHMs);

*I'm obviously not contributing to a retirement account right now, so I'm/ we're losing money there;

*DH would like us to get a cleaning person/ service to come out every once in a while... since we're here so much and the kids are at the age where they make a lot of mess but are too young to really help clean, I feel like I have no energy left at the end of the day/ week to deep clean the bathroom, dust, etc. I feel like I spend all day cleaning up all the other little messes, plus 3 sets of dishes, laundry every day, vacuuming, you name it, that I'm not much up for more deep-cleaning on the weekends.
I'd also love to have some baby-sitting help to have a date night maybe once a month, but I feel like I wouldn't need/ want that so much if I were working and didn't get exhausted from my kids all week!

Sorry this got long! Just wondering, if you're a SAHM, do you have similar spending patterns? How do you reconcile things? If you feel like you are saving a ton by SAH, what other sorts of things do you do to cut costs and save money?

I guess the intangibles/ emotional factor makes up for things for me, but I still feel guilt over how much we're spending.

Thanks for your insights!

I feel like it's me writing that! I left my job last Halloween after having my son in June, which I was out on maternity leave for entire summer. Returned to work to see if it's doable, but left for good after 6 weeks of trying being a working mom. Like you, I would still be bringing in bit of my salary home after daycare with just one but if we had two all of my income definately would be going to daycare. It's quite expensive in my high COL area.

but like you, i feel like we're not really saving money since we're constantly home, so money spend on groceries went through the roof...not to mention on the formula as well!! DH works from home 3x a week, so I make all of 3 meals at home too....plus, have extra expensees like my DS gymboree's class, swim class just to keep myself sane.

Since we moved into our bigger home, i still maintained my own cleaning (daily & deep cleaning) around here while working full time with 2 hours roundtrip daily commute. But when I got pregnant, DH felt bad watching me cleaning and all and realized i was taking twice longer to clean in my pregnant state, hired a cleaning lady bi-weekly....we only planned that till i gave birth...but still have the lady!! so, that's another expense!

SAHM isn't exactly turning out how I envisioned in terms of finances...so i feel your pain, and would love to hear other's feedback and pros who btdt.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I know exactly how you feel. To me, it's just part having a family and growing kids. We've need to get larger cars to drive people to see grandparents and friends, more furniture for people to sleep on, now we need a bigger house to give the little people space to play without mom and dad literally stepping on them, and the little people need swim lessons and ear tubes and bigger clothes, etc. It just happens, and we've made a decision to just enjoy it. Sure, we do consignment sales, some Goodwill,etc when it is feasible, but really, taking 2 or 3 kids into a place to browse is horrible. It becomes more efficient to use preschool time to go gather as much food as possible so I can prep meals and try to keep us from spending $30-40 for a restaurant meal.

[hellokitty]

I used to feel that way. However, in the past few months I've been thinking about what it would be like if I tried to return to work. Basically, it would be a logistical nightmare and a HUGE adjustment for our family, not in a good way. When I look shallowly at what I do as a sahm, it seems like a lot of physical chores (cleaning, cooking, feeding, etc.). However, really I am the glue in our family. I keep things coordinated smoothly and deal with small details that I would still have to deal with, even if I went back to work and we hired someone. I would eventually like to try to work part time, but for now, my family still really needs me to hold everything together and that's not something you can really put a $ amount on. The family time, etc., are also things you can't put a $ amt on either.

[mom_hanna]

Originally Posted by hellokitty

I used to feel that way. However, in the past few months I've been thinking about what it would be like if I tried to return to work. Basically, it would be a logistical nightmare and a HUGE adjustment for our family, not in a good way. When I look shallowly at what I do as a sahm, it seems like a lot of physical chores (cleaning, cooking, feeding, etc.). However, really I am the glue in our family. I keep things coordinated smoothly and deal with small details that I would still have to deal with, even if I went back to work and we hired someone. I would eventually like to try to work part time, but for now, my family still really needs me to hold everything together and that's not something you can really put a $ amount on. The family time, etc., are also things you can't put a $ amt on either.

I agree. Our family would not function well at all right now if I were a WOHM. So for us, for now, it is worth it for me to be a SAHM.

[DebbieJ]

Originally Posted by hellokitty

I used to feel that way. However, in the past few months I've been thinking about what it would be like if I tried to return to work. Basically, it would be a logistical nightmare and a HUGE adjustment for our family, not in a good way. When I look shallowly at what I do as a sahm, it seems like a lot of physical chores (cleaning, cooking, feeding, etc.). However, really I am the glue in our family. I keep things coordinated smoothly and deal with small details that I would still have to deal with, even if I went back to work and we hired someone. I would eventually like to try to work part time, but for now, my family still really needs me to hold everything together and that's not something you can really put a $ amount on. The family time, etc., are also things you can't put a $ amt on either.

Agreed. My family would fall apart. DH thinks me going back into teaching would be a good thing. He has no idea what would need to happen for our family to function through that.

[niccig]

I don't get the groceries. Even if you worked all day, you still had to eat, so either you were taking lunch (groceries) or you were eating out (costs more)

I think the heating/AC bills are just part of being home.

A couple of classes for the kids - you probably would have done something.

If you're not eating out a lot, meal planning, not doing any recreational shopping, I think maybe it is the cost of a larger family with more expenses with more people.

I know when DH and I were both working pre-kids, we didn't realise how good we had it.

[wellyes]

Didn't everyone eat 3 meals before?
The kids are at an age where they'd be in classes and preschool whether you worked or not.
Most families with 2 working parents don't get by on one car.
Pickup and dropoff duties, not to mention commuting, costs gas too.


I don't think you're spending more. Maybe you're feeling guilty about spending at all. You shouldn't. And I'd take your DH up on that cleaning lady offer, if I were you. Trust me, woth moms crave help and babysitters too.

[AnnieW625]

I was actually just thinking about this today because I found out that a lot of people at my job in a different classification are getting laid off on April 30th so it made me think about what our costs would be if I wasn't working. Here is what I figured:

my monthly salary after deductions is $3500:

I would save the following:
daycare, $900
gas, $350 (although this could and will go up)
insurance might go down a bit because I would not have to have the high mileage rates. So maybe $25-$50 a month
$35 a month for dental, but then DH would be paying that instead
$100 on lunches out, and coffee
$20 a month on daycare

We would probably have to cut out these things:
IPhones, $150
cable tv, $50
Netflix, $16
trips via air to see family, $1000 yearly
Disney passes, $30 a month
$200 a month would have to be added to DH for FSA/HSA.
$200 a month minimum would have to go into a retirement account for me.
Our food costs might go down a bit, but not much.

[niccig]

Originally Posted by DebbieJ

Agreed. My family would fall apart. DH thinks me going back into teaching would be a good thing. He has no idea what would need to happen for our family to function through that.

My DH has had to step up since I went back to school. I just can't do all that I used to do. And things still fall through the cracks, and we accept that. I'm home 2 days studying, but still home to put on laundry or make phone calls, that will change once working.

It is a big adjustment for everyone, DC included.