Meeting w/teacher - how to approach her (long)

[missym]

I could use some advice before we meet with Becca's Kindergarten teacher next week. We've known this teacher was not a good fit from day 1, but we felt it was best to stick it out because Becca likes her and we didn't want to make waves until we felt there was no choice. The teacher isn't warm & fuzzy at all, she's kind of a yeller, and is very procedure-oriented. Becca OTOH is quite stubborn and doesn't believe in rules (unless you can get her to "buy in" to them), doesn't recognize authority well, and can honestly be quite a handful. Punishment doesn't work with her. She just doesn't care. The more you escalate, the more she digs her heels in. She can be motivated with rewards or praise, but threats don't work.

Becca has just been diagnosed with ADHD with strong emphasis on the hyperactivity. The doc recommends no medication due to her age/weight/etc. She also tested as advanced in the cognitive areas, and the psychologist feels she is acting out mostly out of boredom. School, as you've probably guessed, is a hot mess. The teacher and Becca butt heads constantly. Becca still loves her - I think it would break her heart to switch classes.

Below was yesterday's email as an example of what we're dealing with. To me, it says they just keep piling on the consequences for the same misdeed. We haven't met with the teacher yet about the diagnosis, but the psychologist's recommendations are mostly things we've been trying to tell her all along - positive reinforcement, give her a chance to move around more - plus give her more challenging work because she's bored to death. Any advice on how to approach this in a way that she will *hear* us?

I'm afraid Rebecca ended the day on red, and yesterday was on blue. We've seen a consistent pattern the last few weeks of poor choices. I changed the people at her table and it hasn't made a significant difference although there is less opportunity for her to avoid work. Today, she just wouldn't sit down to work. She was up more than down and avoiding work as a result. I repeatedly asked her to get started, and she was too busy getting up and walking around ... first card pulled. Then, with the walking around behavior continuing, she wasn't getting her math done and instead of completing the work, she just stuck it in her drawer ... second card pulled. At recess I told her to walk the whole time because of a consistent pattern of poor choices and she only walked part of the time. The teacher outside at recess had her sit out the rest of recess and said she could sit out tomorrow's recess as well ... last card pulled.

[brittone2]

Does she have an IEP or 504 in place?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Originally Posted by brittone2

Does she have an IEP or 504 in place?

It might make sense to meet with the teacher + special ed. director vs just the teacher. I'd make sure you have one in place. And have added in there that missing the physical activity of recess doesn't help matters...yeesh. If there are accommodations for something like sensory time, that'd be great too. My ds1 spends the first 30 minutes of the day running around and doing other things that are supposed to work out some of his energy. They were also willing to let him have priveleges like delivering messages to the office and such- things that would keep him moving during the day, if needed. As he has gotten older, these accommodations aren't necessary anymore (he never had the H of ADD) but he enjoys them.

[missym]

Originally Posted by brittone2

Does she have an IEP or 504 in place?

Not yet - this will be the school's first official notice of the ADHD diagnosis. The school psych did an evaluation in Nov. (I forget which test) which showed it was very likely, and supposedly they've been operating under that assumption. Things did get better for a while, but we've started getting more emails and red cards sent home again.

ETA: My understanding of our state law (based on having gone through this process with DD1) is that she won't qualify for an IEP but should for a 504 if we need to push for that. With DD1, the school worked with us on an informal plan and we didn't do a 504.

[lil_acorn]

Another recommendation for a 504 and to sit down with the your experts, the school psychologist, special ed coordinator and teacher to determine the best path to get her back on track.

What does your psychologist recommend? What are the tactics that you use at home that have been successful. Is there a reward tied to her behavior at school (that she gets to enjoy at home) and is it a reward she cares about?

GL!

[missym]

Originally Posted by lil_acorn

Another recommendation for a 504 and to sit down with the your experts, the school psychologist, special ed coordinator and teacher to determine the best path to get her back on track.

What does your psychologist recommend? What are the tactics that you use at home that have been successful. Is there a reward tied to her behavior at school (that she gets to enjoy at home) and is it a reward she cares about?

GL!

The psychologist recommends more positive rewards, both at school and at home, more chances for her to move around during the day, and more challenging work at school. Interestingly, the teacher was marking her as behind in her reading level until they did some big reading evaluation test recently, and suddenly she jumped to mid-1st grade level. She dreaded reading the books she brought home from school, and they were awful. We knew from the books she was pulling off our bookshelf at home that she was reading way beyond that. Math is the same way - the worksheets she brings home are so below what she understands, it's no wonder she hides them in her desk rather than doing them!

We do have rewards tied to school behavior, though not consequences (which is what the teacher wants). She earns a sticker for each day she finishes on green, and she can cash those in for a goal she's working toward (like a toy). We need to be better about emphasizing it every.single.day. It would be nice if the teacher could get on board with it and remind her during the day that she's working toward a sticker.

[MamaMolly]

Mama, the H part of the situation is so important for the teacher to know about. I think you can approach the teacher this way, by telling her that learning of the diagnosis was an Ah-ha moment for YOU. (technically even if it wasn't )

On the positive side, she seems to be consistent and is in contact with you. That is a start in the right direction. It sounds to me like she wants to work with you, but she doesn't know what she is dealing with right now.

I must also agree that you need to bring in the Sp. Ed coordinator and school psych. There are accommodations that can be made that will help your DD. She could have an uneven chair to rock in, weighted blankets or a vest to help her feel better sitting down, manipulatives to fiddle with, all kinds of things.

Can I sare a kind of BTDT? I had a first grade student who would NOT stop making noises. Grunting and clicking his throat all.freaking.day.long. It seemed to get worse and worse and worse and NOTHING I tried (positive or negative reinforcement) did anything to stop it. It was loud enough to disturb other kids in the class. One afternoon I got a call from mom, they'd just been to the doctor and the child was diagnosed with Tourettes. Can you imagine how bad I felt, having punished this kid for something he honestly could not control? I apologized to mom. She felt the exact same way. Then I spoke to my student and told him I was sorry, that I had misunderstood, and we were going to work on it.

Another one was when I was teaching summer school. I had a student who simply could not do his work if there were visual distractions around him. Yeah. In an elementary school. He'd get up and adjust posters, line up books, and do all kinds of things that to me seemed like farting around. But one day when we were doing a creative writing exercise he sat under my desk to write and the boy could FOCUS. So guess where he spent the rest of summer school doing work?

As for being bored to death, why not phrase it a little differently. More flies with honey, you know?

[AngB]

Originally Posted by missym

The psychologist recommends more positive rewards, both at school and at home, more chances for her to move around during the day, and more challenging work at school. Interestingly, the teacher was marking her as behind in her reading level until they did some big reading evaluation test recently, and suddenly she jumped to mid-1st grade level. She dreaded reading the books she brought home from school, and they were awful. We knew from the books she was pulling off our bookshelf at home that she was reading way beyond that. Math is the same way - the worksheets she brings home are so below what she understands, it's no wonder she hides them in her desk rather than doing them!

We do have rewards tied to school behavior, though not consequences (which is what the teacher wants). She earns a sticker for each day she finishes on green, and she can cash those in for a goal she's working toward (like a toy). We need to be better about emphasizing it every.single.day. It would be nice if the teacher could get on board with it and remind her during the day that she's working toward a sticker.

I also wonder if maybe a more immediate short-term reward would help too (unless the sticker is considered the short term reward, which I know for some kids it would be).

In my special learners class in college, the teacher mentioned that caffeine often calms adhd kids down,(she used to give a student a mountain dew every day-a high schooler with parent permission- and it really helped) not sure how much caffeine it would take but maybe chocolate rewards would help. I suppose it could backfire though too.

[missym]

Originally Posted by MamaMolly

As for being bored to death, why not phrase it a little differently. More flies with honey, you know?

I know, I know! How do I diplomatically say, you're boring my child, or even, you're wrong about her abilities? My understanding is, our district doesn't exactly have a gifted program - they do advanced enrichment in the classroom, and the teacher has to identify the kids for inclusion in it. So she's been saying all along Becca was behind in her reading, for example, when we *knew* she wasn't. How could we argue with her without looking like *those* parents? And maybe Becca wasn't reading for her. Maybe she was being stubborn, or not paying attention, or whatever. But the child can read. Math is the same way. We're supposed to practice these math sheets 5 times a week and they're so boring for Becca. I finally just stopped doing it. She corrects her 3rd grade sister, for pity's sake.

[maestramommy]

The fact that Beeca loves this teacher should make it easier. Focusing on the H part, is there any way to ask if the teacher could make her a helper, to give her ops to move around the class but keeping her busy?

Since you now have a diagnosis, I'd ask for some official plan in place with the necessary accommodations. Maybe go in with a list from the psychologist and see what the teacher is able to work with?